Haiku Madness

No one pitied him
Pee on an electric fence
And you might get burned

and you might get burned
if you play with matches in
a match factory

A match factory?
please, don’t spill gasoline there
could spoil your day

Could spoil your day
having you finger cut off
that’s a real bummer
Assuming that “spoil” is pronounced as two syllables “spoy-yul”

Correct… doesn’t everyone? Just like “General”:

“That’s a real bummer,”
said General Sherman, nodding
the fat soldier grinned

The fat soldier grinned
When the C.O. said “Let’s roll!”
Rolling he can do

Rolling he can do
But the baker had trouble:
He was too kneady

He was too kneady
And had a yeast infection
Bakers are bad dates

Bakers are bad dates
They will beat you and whip you,
And they’re so crusty

And they’re so crusty
And some of them don’t even
Have apple filling!

“Have apple filling!”
my mom said, offering me
a Hostess fruit pie.

A Hostess Fruit pie
is a terrible nickname,
I’m just big-boneded!

Have apple filling
But don’t have apple pie crust
Here’s a spoon for you

“I’m just big-boneded!”
my idiot brother Clem said;
“Here’s a spoon for you.”

Here’s a spoon for you.
Try to keep your snot off of
the nice hardwood floor.

the nice hardwood floor
is polite and courteous
not like naughty pine

not like naughty pine.
so please make the Christmas tree
a nice polite fir

“A nice polite fir
made me swerve and hit it,” Bob
drunkenly explained.

Drunkenly explained
That when he’s drunk, he often
explains drunkenly

“Explains drunkenly,
drives badly, is ugly too,”
per police report.