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Yes … and no (see join date and post count). I am an introvert; only child, prefer to read and pursue other solo occupations, definitely need time to myself to recharge after being with people.
Professionally, I am anything but shy - my jobs have all required public speaking and interaction as a main part of them, and currently I do a ton of meeting facilitation. I am confident of my knowledge and abilities, and like to get to know the people I work with. My work colleagues do not believe me when I tell them I am an introvert.
Socially, I find it a lot harder to talk to new people and join in conversations; the bigger the group, the harder it is. In big groups, I tend only to talk if I have something new to contribute, and I need to contemplate the conversation and really think through what I want to say - and by then, someone else has usually said it. With people I know and like, though, I may be a bit quiet but still join in the conversation and share information about myself.
Something I do to help change my behaviors is identify which of my friends and colleagues I would like to be more like in terms of social interaction and really watch them - what do they do? What kinds of things do they say? Then I work on doing those things until they feel natural.
Regarding the hairstyle and rings: a tip my mom gave me when I became a grocery store cashier at the tender age of 16 and was weirded out by interacting with so many strangers was to wear more makeup than usual and do my hair differently. I could think of this as my “mask” - a layer of insulation between them and the real me - and the job was like playing a character. Then if people were mean to me, it wasn’t really me they were being mean to. As it turned out, nothing bad happened from talking to all those strangers! I do still find myself using this strategy from time to time when I know I’m going to be uncomfortable with social situations.
(bolding mine)
Well, that explains a lot about my life…
Your Mom was right.
I’ve started telling people I’m a shy snob. To paraphrase Peggy Lee, I don’t pop my corn for every person I meet. Coarse not-really-listening people whose minds are full of mainstream garbage, who aren’t introspective, who don’t catch nuances, don’t tend to inspire me to share much. Loud people who thrive in loud environments generally don’t either.
Yes, I wish I were more social than I am, but some of my reticence is a valid expression of who I am. That may be the case with you too. If so, respect that. Don’t belittle yourself for it.
So basically the OP says being shy hasn’t really bugged her. That is until someone told her it should bother her?
Don’t let other people dictate your happiness. The fact that you’re letting an off hand remark bother you is 10 times worse than being shy.
Are you happy with who you are? Then fine. The only reason this is a problem is if it’s stopping you from doing something.
If someone starts pointing things out to you, you don’t like simply be polite and say “Thanks for your concern, but you know, I am very happy with myself just as I am.”
Now if it is bothering you, then you need to do something about it. I had a fear of flying when I was young and I missed out on a lot, and I mean a lot of fantastic opporunities because of it. If you’re shyness is making you miss out, then you need to work on it.
You need to learn the power of “So what?” Think of how much better you’re life would be if you could say that.
Shyness comes from underconfidence but all that’s needed to overcome it, is to learn to accept this and deal with it. Look we all make fools out of ourselves, we all fail at things we try and we all make dumb choices. And you know what, unless someone who is reading my words dies, five minutes after reading them, they will do it again. Myself included. But you know what? No one really cares.
50 years we’re all gonna be dead and long gone no one is gonna remember you even existed much less were shy.
Now I’m referring to people with a “normal” (note use of quotes) amount of shyness. If your shyness keeps you from doing things like, going shopping, or asking for directions or other such daily activities, you need more help than advice from a board.
But for regular everyday shyness like the OP has, just start with small steps and go for it.
There are a lot of self help books to help you. And what it amounts to doing is small steps and you do exercises. Steps like saying “Have a nice day,” to someone when you leave an elevator, ask for directions from someone at a bus stop and so forth.
Being introverted - That’s what I am, take it or leave it. Nowadays I am comfortable with being silent when this is genuinely what I want.
Being shy - Always working on it, got better. What works best for me is mainly priming the pump with some unfounded confidence - assuming that what I say and what I am is really interesting. Feels a bit fake to me but people do tend to reinforce such confidence.
BTW ditto on Pyper’s observation of shyness being misunderstood as arrogance - also happened to me. But you can turn that on its head - it means people actually think it desirable for you to talk more to them 