acrossthesea, I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. I wish you peace of mind, strength of heart, and joy of life. When the dust settles you will be much better than merely ‘okay’.
acrossthesea I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this but in 2 years you are going to want to call this man on the phone and THANK him for being such an asshat!
It’s only going to get better from here on out!
Don’t get mad. Get EVERYTHING.
I hope you’ll hang in there, keep posting, and find some time to heal from this abusive relationship. I know it hurts, and I know you feel scared and lost right now. Considering your circumstances, that’s normal. Listen to what these wise folks are telling you, and do what you must to protect yourself and get back on your feet emotionally and financially.
I’ll be thinking of you. Feel free to email me or im me if you need to talk.
Best,
karol
acrossthesea, email me. I’ll be here for you - and do what I can for you. Kind of (but not exactly) been there, and did that. I send you hugs and best wishes, and please, if nothing else, please, please take the advice of the wise dopers above me. They know what they’re talking about.
acrossthesea, please take good care of yourself, and let us know how you are doing when you get a chance.
My wish for you is that this is the beginning of a wonderful new life for you. You deserve it.
How are you holding up Jill?
We are all worried about you.
I ended up in the hospital for 2 days because I took cough medicine. Oh I know how stupid that sounds but it was really justa cry for help and in a way a good thing because now his whole chain of command and the hospital staff is helping us.
They said that since while I am still married to him I am a legal military dependent, he can not divorce me until I am on my feet. That’s hard to do in japan so they are not early returning me away, they are pcs-ing (permanent change of station…basically reassignment) the WHOLE FAMILY elsewhere. Somewhere, anywhere in the united states where I can continue to live with him in base housing, get a job, get insurance, save up a lot of money, and then move out and be able to be on my feet.
He agrees though there’s so much arguing over where to go. See, the hospital people told me not to rush this and contact people, think about where to go and dont consider his desires, just my own. Unfortunately, his commander isnt like the hospital and said my husband…HIM…ok, I’ll call him “M”…has to know by MONDAY MORNING where we’re going and that he does have a say. The states where I have family and friends contain no air force bases, or if they do they are bases that don’t have M’s job. I could go to Travis, a base near San Francisco, just because it’s a nice city but it’s expensive, and I have noone there. My Dad is in MN, a state with no bases, I’m from NYC and theres a base nearby in NJ that doesnt have his job.
So this is insane and more stress just when the doctors told me I dont need stress.
Living in the house with him and his kids who I love but am losing kills me more, but moving into a temporarly living facility on base here would kind of isolate and depress me worse. We still sleep in the same bed because I dont feel comfortable any other way.
Now he says he doesnt want his ex that he didnt mean that, but he always backtracks just like that to make me look confused and stupid and to avoid responsibility. Howeevr he misses his ex and wherever we go she’ll visit pretty soon after we move…when I’m still there!!!
TMI AHEAD*****
He prefers playing with himself while looking at internet porn to being with me. He has never said this but I do know this to be very true. Do you know that the night he came back from his tdy, he was with me? And already knew this and didnt tell me?!
END OF TMI***
TDY means when an active duty military person is temporarily deployed away from their main station for some mission. Most people go for 3 months or more to somewhere godawful to assist in a combat type thing, but M merely went to training school in TX for 2 weeks.
Yes I sort of dreaded this. Ever since I’ve known him he acts afraid of simple things like me kissing him. I’ve never actually seen him full fleshed naked, he’s never tongue kissed me, and I had to ask him repeatedly for a wedding ring before I got one. We had no ceremony and he says now he married me more because legally its the only way I can live with him here, and less because he truly wanted that. Worse, my coworkers are two very paranoid women who are quite clingy to their husbands, so when I said I hadnt heard from him they started suspecting this and that. They visited me in the hospital and one of them told her husband, who works with M (almost all my coworkers are wives of people working directly with M) that she wishes she could kill him. Oh yeah so my whole job knows about this too because their husbands told them.
I didnt really want to die. I took about 6 doses of childrens cough syrup, which isnt even an overdose for adults, and didnt make me puke or pass out. I just told them at the hospital mainly because I needed help and now I’ve gpt some.
I hate all this horribly though. Thank you though, I know you’re all right, it’s just still understandably shocking and terrifying.
Lord, girl,if I toldyou about my former marriage, you might feel like you’ve got it easy.
We all care for you here, you will be happy soon (next year)
and you can come here and tell us.
Have you thought about contacting any church nearby?