Flanders: Aw, what the heck! You only live once. Give me a white-wine spritzer …spritzer …spritzer …
Ow, my heart!
Sideshow Bob: “The book club was just an excuse to club me with books.”(lifts shirt to display welts) “This is the new Tom Clancy. Although it is less painful than actually reading it.”
Homer: Must…kill…Moe…Wheeeee!
Moe: Garage? Hey, fellas, the garage. Well, ooh la-di-da, Mr. Frenchman.
Homer: Well, what do you call it?
Moe: A car hole.
“This is offensive to Christians and prunes!”
“Why must life be so hard? Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry?”
“…Oops, it shouldn’t have this Bar Association logo here either.”
Krusty: “We knew about the spider eggs, but HANTAVIRUS?!”
“For vaccine send five dollars to Antidote…”
Not enough Kang and Kodos!
Homer: America, take a good look at your beloved candidates. They’re
nothing but hideous space reptiles. [unmasks them]
[audience gasps in terror]
Kodos: It’s true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about
it? It’s a two-party system; you have to vote for one of us.
[murmurs]
Man1: He’s right, this is a two-party system.
Man2: Well, I believe I’ll vote for a third-party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away!
Kodos: “it seems the earthlings have won”
Kang: “Did they? That board with a nail in it may have defeated us. But the humans won’t stop there. They’ll make bigger boards and bigger nails, and soon, they will make a board with a nail so big, it will destroy them all!”
Someone: “Even Lisa?”
Sideshow Bob: “Especially Lisa. But ESPECIALLY Bart!”
“Oh Marge… You are so naïve. Those trophies are not for bowling. They are for lovemaking!”
(“Oh Mahrjzh… Hyu ahre zo na-eev. Zoze trofeez ahre not for bowleeng. Zey are for lahvmekking!”)
A few good ones from tonights episode.
Marge: They were staring at me…with their eyes.
Homer: Ha-ha you hit the tire fire.
When Homer and Marge’s marriage was in trouble, they received some fine counseling from Rev. Lovejoy:
Lovejoy: “Get a divorce.”
Marge: “But isn’t that a sin?”
Lovejoy: “Marge, just about everything is a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically, we’re not allowed to go to the bathroom.”
Since when is 6 a vowel? A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes 9, right?
Chief Wiggum: You know you’re not supposed to go in there. What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?
Homer: Ralph, you’re on special teams.
Ralph: I’m special!
“Put down that science pole!” Use that at work all the time.
“Let’s not listen!”
“Gee, Mr Burns, you’re the richest guy I know.”
“Yes, but I’d trade it all for a little more.”
I was at a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
Homer no function beer well without.
Let us all bask in television’s warm glowing warming glow.
I, for one, salute our new insect overlords…
Well, I learned my lesson - no more quoting from memory.
From my (maybe) favourite ep: The Computer Wore Menace Shoes
Homer: That’s a great idea! I’ll make up some news!
Lisa: At least take off your Pulitzer prize when you say that.
Homer: No you won’t! [Runs to a red British phone booth]
Hello, operator. I’d like to report a really weird
island. Please send lot’s of rescue 'copters to … [the
phone gases him]
[groggily] Oh, well, alright. Whatever.
Homer: Wow. So who brought us here?
Number 6: I don’t know.
Homer: Did you bring us here?
Number 6: No.
Number 2: I wouldn’t count on that Number Five. As far as
your family knows, Homer Simpson is walking in the
front door right about now.
Homer: [his face covered in ice cream and drugs] I’m sorry?
What?
Six is obviously a vowel. Nine is a consonant. My god, are we going to have to go over this again? I stay up to study with you, I pay for a tutor and you think 6 is not a vowel.
Jeez. I’ll start the coffee. Looks like it’s going to be a late night. You are never getting in to H6rv6rd at this rate.
Frank Grimes (Homer’s enemy): I live in a single room above a bowling alley…and below another bowling alley."
*Sarah *Bernhardt… VERY different person!