Dental plan!
Lisa needs braces!
Dental plan!
Lisa needs braces!
Dental plan!
Lisa needs braces!
Dental plan!
Lisa needs braces!
BULLSEYE! Ha-ha-ha!
Thanks a lot guys, you made me lose my train of thought.
…Dental plan!
Anything by Burns really:
“Ever since the dawn of time Man has yearned to destroy the Sun!”
Burns: Eat on… Eat on. Little do you know you’re drawing ever closer to the poisoned donut! … There is a poisoned donut, isn’t there, Smithers?
Smithers: No, sir, I discussed it with our lawyers and they consider it murder!
Burns: Damn their oily hides!
Hiya, Midge.
Fake Homer: Jah, please forgive my unexplained two week absence. To make it up to you we will go out to dinner at a sensibly-priced restaurant, then have a night of efficient German sex.
Hank Scorpio: Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill somebody, it would help a lot.
Science pole? Explain, please.
I have only seen one or two episodes of the Simpsons, but this is making me want to buy them all and watch them. Or at least as long as I can before my attention span gives out.
RR
These are paraphrased from memory:
Man: “So, Mr. Simpson, why do you want to become a Big Brother?”
Homer’s Brain: “Don’t say revenge! Don’t say revenge!”
Homer: “Uh, revenge?”
Homer’s Brain: “That’s it! I’m outta here.” sounds of somebody stomping their feet down the stairs and a door slamming
Lisa’s Brain: “You know they’re only being nice to you because you have a pool, right?”
Lisa: “Shut up, brain. I don’t need you anymore: I’m popular now”
- Lisa is trapped at the bottom of a nearly empty pool *
Lisa: “What am I going to do? I have to think of a way to get myself out of here!”
Lisa’s Brain: “Well, well, well. Look who comes crawling back.”
Speaking of quotes from the characters’ brains:
Homer: Well, time to go to work.
Homer’s brain: Little do they know I’m ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.
Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that’s the plan.
Homer’s brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don’t suspect a thing.
Homer’s brain: Well, off to the plant.
Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.
Homer’s brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?
Homer: [panicky] I’ve got to think of a lie fast!
Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
Homer: Aah! [Runs off]
From the episode “Bye Bye Nerdie”
What was the episode where Nelson is a bat and he does his “HAH ha!” and then flies into a torch and is incinerated. That was hilarious!
Homer: Hey… wait a minute… this lesbian bar doesn’t have a fire exit! Enjoy your death trap, ladies!
Lesbian: What’s her problem?
Bart: Careful! That’s a load-bearing poster!
Germans: We come from Germany, the land of chocolate.
Homer: Mmmm… Land of chocolate <goes into an extensive fantasy sequence>
Germans: Mr. Simpson, are you listening?
Homer: Yes! We were talking about chocolate.
Germans: That was five minutes ago!
Guru: You may ask me three questions.
Homer: Do you really know everything?
Guru: Yes.
Homer: Really?
Guru: Yes.
Homer: Really really?
Guru: Yes. Thank you, please come again.
Willie: Lunchlady Doris! Do ye have any grease?
Doris: Yes. Yes I do.
Willie: <Tears his shirt off, reavealing tautly muscled physique> Well, grease me up, woman!
Doris: Okay.
Lisa: The asteroid burned up in the thick layer of pollution over Springfield. Do you realize what this means?
Bart: Yeah, dad was right about something!
Homer: I know, kids. I’m scared, too. <The entire family huddles together nervously>
Homer, narrating: It was the thirteenth hour, of the thriteenth day, of the thirteenth month. We were meeting to discuss the misprintings in the school calendar.
Homer, in flashback: Lousy Smarch weather!
Homer: Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.
Homer: I like TV because it laughs with me, not at me
TV: Bwahahahahahaha!
Homer: D’Oh
More from the Germans:
“We regret to announce the following layoffs, which we shall read in alphabetical order:
Simpson, Homer.
That is all.”
Oh, pick anything by Hutz, Grampa or Burns.
Mr Burns (to Bart): I know you children think of me as some sort of “booger man”, but I’m not really a bad “dude”.
From Who Shot Mr. Burns: Ahoy, there, Dean. I understand you’re taking suggestions from students. Well, me and my fourth form chums think it would be quite “corking” if you’d sign over your oil well to the local energy concern!
Grampa’s various past-related tales of insanity;
From the Flying Hellfish; Grampa: I got separated from my platoon after we parachuted into Duseldorf so I rode out the rest of the war posing as a German cabaret singer.
Cut to; “Won’t you come home Frantbrelda, won’t you come home.”
Hitler: Yoo-hoo!
Lowers shoulder strap, cousing a sponge to fall out.
Hitler: Das ist nitch eine booby!
Bart: Is that story true Grampa?
Grampa: Most of it. I did wear a dress for a period in the 40s. Oh, they had designers then!
Hutz: Mrs Simpson, your sexual harassment case is just what I need to rebuild my shattered career! Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
Marge: But it’s 9:30 in the morning!
Hutz: Yes, but I haven’t slept in days.
Hutz: Homer, I don’t use the word “hero” very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
Homer: Woo hoo!
Burns: Use the amnesia ray on him and then use it on yourself!
Smithers: You mean the revolver sir?
Burns: We’ll take the Spruce Moose - hop in!
Smithers: But, sir…
Burns: I said hop in.
Hello, my name is Mr. Snrub.
Homer is buying an RV and the salesman is running a credit check, “Just as a formality.” A large red light on top of the computer starts flashing and a siren sounds.
Homer: Oooh! A siren!
Salesman: That’s just in case I miss the light.
Homer: Is a siren good?
Salesman: You ever known one that was?
It’s “quarking,” from quarks, which is from Finnegans Wake:
“Three quarks for Muster Mark!
Sure he has not got much of a bark
And sure any he has it’s all beside the mark”
(Oh, and also particle physics.)