Good advice, already given, so I won’t add anything useful.
I just wanted to say, forget Seven and Odinoneeye, run off with me!! 
I talked to my sister today on the phone and I asked her tell him if he gives her anything to give me like a letter or to tell me something for him to tell him that I do not wish to get to have any contact with him and she will not pass any thing else from him to me.
I talked to my sister today on the phone and I asked her tell him if he gives her anything to give me like a letter or to tell me something for him to tell him that I do not wish to get to have any contact with him and she will not pass any thing else from him to me.
My-ex had scenario like this and it did not end well. A few years ago I get a call that a client at the front desk wants some info on some properties I have listed. This is odd as most people call in to make appts if they see a real estate sign. I meet this medium sized, somewhat rough looking guy who is dressed casually, and is not dishelved, but there is definite vibe that something is off about him and has a definite “no shower for a few days” plus a strong chain smoker funk. Anyway I’m polite and talk with this guy, and as we talk the more I am convinced he is a nut case as the conversation gets more and more looney. After we finish talking about what kind of property he wants and he leaves, the entire bullpen area starts laughing spontaneously as they overheard the conversation.
Click to next day- I get this absolutely panicked call from my ex- that this guy she has been seeing/dating/hanging out with is the one who approached me, and that he’s a dangerous martial arts expert etc. etc. I tell her that based on her description of him that Pepe la Pew has already been to see me and ask her why he would want to talk to me. She says she doesn’t know but to stay away from him.
Well… long and very stupid story short - After he presents my ex with an engagement ring a few days later, and after being refused (she was getting scared of him at this point) attacks her car in the parking lot of the community college (they were both attending real estate classes which is how she met him), and after he holes up in his house threatening to “blow himself up”, the police arrest him and cart him off to the psych ward.
After all this nonsense has come to pass, and after I got the straight story from the kids (and I’m still pissed off even this many years later that she let him near them), it turns out she had been bending this guy’s ear with woeful tales of my emotional neglect and inablity to help her “find herself”, and he wanted to see me in order to … I don’t know… size me up, kill me, rescue her, whatever.
The bottom line is that even schizophrenic or manic depressive men often have a natural male protective, caretaking attitude towards women thay are attracted to, and especially so with flirtatous women who lay out highly emotionally engaging stories of their ex’s or hubby’s neglect or general perfidity. Women will often go on at considerable length with these stories if they feel they have a supportive or sympathetic audience, and some men will take this emotional sharing as solid and serious cue that they want to be/need to be rescued from their evil spouse and life circumstances. More than one man taking out the garbage or doing yardwork has been suprised by a shotgun wielding stranger (to him) bent on taking him out in order to “rescue” his wife.
Be careful whose shoulder you cry on, as all not that stable.
You know what to do with Rod, so I won’t repeat what’s already been said.
I want to know, are you and your husband having issues, or have you worked them out?
Buy a gun. Learn to use it. Carry it.
Do not encourage this loser with any additional contact.
Bottom line. You’re “excited” by the prospect of another guy being interested in you You’re a self-admitted flirt. There’s a lot more going on than you’ve expressed, but IMHO, you should not only run, but run to a psych’s office, and get over this self esteem problem you apparently have. He just wants to f*ck, OK? It’s what guys do.
That particular day we were having issues. He doesn’t like my sister or her new husband. He didn’t bother to show up to the wedding with my two oldest kids, or even call for that matter. When the ceremony was over I called him and told him that the photographer was waiting so we could have a family picture. He brought the kids down to the reception, but refused to be a part of the “family” picture. I was pissed at him. This happened after the bridal party dance. That was the only time I danced with “Rod”. In fact, I didn’t even talk to him (“Rod”) until way later in the night when we were cleaning up. I don’t ever remember saying much to “Rod” about being mad at my husband while we were cleaning up. I don’t feel I said anything to him to make him think I needed “rescued”.
Pretend it never happened. Seriously. Don’t let him know you even got the letter. Don’t have anyone talk to him about it. Just let it die. And do whatever you can to ensure you’ll never have to see him ever again (for example, no more parties where he’ll be there.)
Hopefully, he is a harmless sort of nut and this will kill the issue.
If he’s not, and he persists, look into restraining orders and stalker laws in your state.
Don’t run off with me. I’m fine with a one night stand. Once I get my wife’s permission.
Hmmph.
Avoid “Rod” and dump your hubby. Sounds like you’re better off single.
Suppose she doesn’t respond or has someone else respond to him and he’s the sort of nut that thinks people are interfering and she would want him if they would get out of the way. He would persist in contacting her personally.
Also, for the anti-stalker laws, doesn’t the victim have to tell the stalker his/herself in no uncertain terms that they aren’t intereseted?
**mornea **, my first reaction was to tell my sister to have him call me so I could tell him myself that I wasn’t interested. I did decide to go ahead and have her/her hubby tell him. I will call my sister tonight to find out what they told him.
Wait a minute there, Sparky. A self-esteem issue (assuming one exists) does not mean that her safety isn’t in jeopardy. This guy sounds like a grade A whackjob. He may or may not get violent, but being stalked is still a scary position to be in.
My advice about the work calls is to tell the receptionist (if he’s calling the general number) not to accept his calls, period. If he’s calling your number directly, let your voicemail answer if possible, but keep track of the number of times he’s tried to call. It’ll be good information if this goes to the police.
Robin
I think some of you are over-reacting a little with all the cries to call the cops. The guy just sounds enamored and a little desperate to me, not something worthy of calling the cops over or even getting worked up about. Of course if he shows up somewhere then there is a real problem. My guess is that when he hears from your sister that you are not at all interested that he’ll drop it and hopefully move on. If it continues beyond that then there is a real problem and you need to contact the police.
But misstee, you said you loved ME! Yes, you did. Last Saturday. Everyone heard it. You are MINE. And odds are that I won’t even have to leave Skip to give you lovin’. I bet he’d be fine with it, especially if there were pudding involved . . .
OK, seriously? I can totally see why a guy whose wife has MS* would be totally into you. Things probably suck for him at home, his wife may not be able to share the activities with him that they once enjoyed, etc.
And then along comes this redheaded hot tamale with a great rack, a wicked sense of humor and a wonderful gregarious personality. Hell, I’d want you, too!
Not only that, Ms. Wonderful’s husband doesn’t seem to fully appreciate her Super Duper Va-Va-Va-Voom. He won’t even dance with her!
So it’s the perfect chance to make his move!
That said, however, anyone with an inkling of sanity knows that an argument does not a divorce make, and that trying to leave his wife for a person he barely knows is a little beyond the pale.
I vote for running.
And for keeping WithaK nearby as your bodyguard.
*You are my SECOND (married) friend to tell me in the last couple of months that she’s being stalked by a guy whose wife has MS! Coincidence . . . ? Or is there one guy out there who’s just hitting on every woman he meets???
He met her two times, neither of them dating situations. They have not even kissed, and he wants, not just to date her, but to leave his wife for her. That’s not enamored; that’s delusional.
No one’s saying misstee should call the cops right now, but that she should if the situation escalates. To make sure it does not, she needs to be very much on her guard.
Misstee snuggle up to hubby. Mention creepy depressed infactuant. Tell hubby what happened. Say you don’t want to deal with it. All future communication is through hubby. Rod gets the idea pretty darn quickly. Hubby, even if he never says anything to Rod realises what a close call it was, what an incredibly attractive babe Misstee is, how fortunate he is to have her and how he can never never take her for granted. Result:
Misstee: relieved.
Hubby: strange combo of pissed off, relieved, thankful and “d’oh!how could I have been so thoughtless”
Rod: either straightened out or ignored. Either way, not your problem.
Everyone still with their correct SO and hopefully in your case just a bit more snuggly.
Having someone else contact him counts as a response and will open the door for further attempts by this guy.
Returning his letters counts as a response and will open the door for further attempts by this guy.
The last thing that you want is to engage this guy on any level. No response is a good response when you’re dealing with someone who is not rational. Nothing about “Rod’s” behavior to this point has been rational.
If brother-in-law hasn’t already done it, tell him NOT to contact “Rod.” Just leave him alone. Let him got the hint and slink away.
I agree that this guy is probably harmless, but he did actually write letters so he’s more than fantasizing about it. It definitely puts him into the creepy category. He’s probably drowning in his own problems and is looking for an easy way out. He might be making up the bit about his wife and her MS, but that would be a rather strange story to try to get some sympathy from someone else.
The solution here is simple: Erect a 20 foot sign in your yard that states “You must be as tall as this sign to stalk me. NO EXCEPTIONS.” Then in fine print that you’d have to be 20 feet tall to be able to read, “Since you are as tall as this sign, you must bring me a suitcase full of 50 pounds of baboon noses and an invisible pink unicorn. NO EXCEPTIONS, NO SUBSTITUTES.”
The sign should take care of any future potential stalkers and all you have to do is mow around it.