** Opus has twins, Doctors amazed, spogga flabbergasted **
No New Taxes **
** Income tax has been cancelled. Refunds for the last fifty years. Says one Capitol Hill insider: " It needed to be done. We will make more money off of taxing gambing,high end liquor, fancy cars, smokes, legalizing prostitution & narcotics and taxing cable/internet."
Brittiney, Christina & Madonna & every boys band out there Confess All
"We have no talent. We are just a product. You have been manipulated all these years. Sorry. **
Rapper drowns in River
" It appears to be from the weight of his chains." said one police insider on condition of anonyminity.
**Tornado Rips Through Major Downtown Area. Destruction Everywhere."
" It’s about fuckin’ time." said an angry Tammy LaFondue of Tornado Meadows, Tornado Alley, OK.
**I’m Sorry about Jar Jar Binks ** George Lucas apologizes.
Psychic wins huge lottery…again
Windows ME recalled, with a free upgrade to Windows XP
And along those lines:
Microsoft drops prices of all MS software
Lord of thing Rings Wins “Best Picture” at the Academy Awards
John Ashcroft’s Computer Wallpaper Changed To Goatse.cx
Time Cube Proven Correct
Gene Ray Wins Nobel Prize
New Study Shows: You Really Do Need Your Tonsils
Fred Phelps To Debate Gene Ray And Alex Chiu
The Man With The Golden Gun Makes Grievous Typo While Reporting of Lord of the Rings
Apparently TMWTGG Can’t Spell The Word “The”
**Saddam Hussein resurfaces as Democratic front runner. **
Thirty years of charity paid off. All have water, food, shelter, healthcare.
Cryogenic freezing made affordable and fun!
Cameron Diaz leaves Timberlake Diaz spotted with unknown Dutch male on tropical island.
Spogga boldly reveals psychic powers on SMDB
[sub]Powerful ability to make people spray drinks over computers and laugh uncontrollably thousands of miles away causes mayhem.[/sub]
Mattmcl Becomes PM of Canada
Coldfire Becomes PM of Netherlands
Governor Quinn Gets Cushy, No-Show Jobs From Canadian and Dutch Governments
Polycarp/Esprix Win in Landslide Victory
US Congress Institutes "President’s Question Time"
Bush Looks Forward to “Debatifying” Democrats
And in other news:
Spogga Revealed to be Glamour Model Jordan
**TubaDiva Found Eaten by Her Own Tuba: Apparently She Spotted a Thread
Kent Horvind Discovers Own 3 Million Year Old Ancestor, Likeness Is Unmistakable**
In spite of this new overwhelming evidence, Horvind continues to blubber “But he forgot about the Flood.”
**SPOOFE Finally Finds His Underpants: SDMB Members Rejoice
God Reveals Full Name to be “Snoop Goddy Godd”**
** Gyrate admits to being spoggas love child, Opus furious**
…and for the UK Dopers
** Manchester City F.C. Win Cup, League, European Cup, Charity Shield,Wimbledon, Grand National, Derby and American Superbowl.
Man Utd Disbanded **
Great Grimsby Defeat Man City 7-0
**Ann Coulter to Marry Esprix **
“He’s a real man’s man,” giggles Coulter
Bush suffers from constipation, doctors say MRI of the region reveals object that resembles GW’s head.
GRIMSBY??? Oh come on this is supposed to be serious,
Grimsby, Jesus wept!! G-R-I-M-S-B-Y. Grim by name and grim by nature, I don’t believe you posted that I really don’t, fuck me standing low it’s the best laugh I’ve had since the old king died…Grimsfuckingby, I mean honestly.
Space Aliens Arrive on Earth, Claim All Your Base are Belong to Us
** CLEVELAND WINS WORLD SERIES! **
Well ok, maybe I’m the only one that wants to see that. How about these:
** LENO RETIRES! CONAN TO HOST TONIGHT SHOW!
LETTERMAN PISSED OFF ANYWAY! **
** ARNOLD WINS RECALL THEN IMMEDIATELY RESIGNS. SAYS, “I’M JUST AN ACTOR, I DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND THIS STUFF.” **
REPUBLICANS ADMIT: "FLYING MONKEYS WILL COME OUT OF OUR @SSES BEFORE WE KNOW WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT."
My work here is done. 
**Spogga Flabbergasted by Grimsby Headline, Head Explodes All Over Keyboard! New SMDB Fad Created!
White Tiger At Las Vegas Mirage Score One for the Home Team**
“He looked so cute in that outfit that I just had to eat him up,” attacker says.