The first 9 are, shall we say, active participants, while the 10th person is in what we might call a disadvantaged position.
(waiving your hand in front of someone’s face over and over…) What kind of milk is this?
Pasteurized.
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you steal?” She replied, “A can of peaches.” The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, “6.” The judge said, “Then I will give you 6 days in jail.”
Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said, “What is it?” The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”
A businessman has been heavy all his life. He’s tried various methods, but nothing seems to work. One day, he hears about a radical new technique with guaranteed results. After a brief consultation, he signs up for their sample package: 10 lbs in one day.
The next day, his doorbell rings and he opens his door to find a cute petite blonde wearing a bikini, running shoes, and a sign that says, “If you can catch me, you can fuck me.” With a wink and a smile, she takes off and he chases after her. Several hours later, he finally catches her and not only does he enjoy himself, he’s lost ten pounds.
A week later, he decides he’s ready for the next level, so he calls and requests the 3-day, 45-lb package. The next day, he opens the door to find a tall, slender brunette wearing a bikini, a pair of running shoes, and a sign that says, “If you can catch me, you can fuck me.” This one’s a bit faster, and it takes him all three days to catch her, but in the end he’s lost 45 lbs and enjoys his reward.
Finally seeing his dreams of being skinny within sight after a lifetime of obesity, the man calls to request the advanced package: 75 lbs in five days. “Are you sure?” Says the woman on the other end, “It’s the most intense package we have.” He assures her it’s what he wants and that he’s ready for it.
The next day, he opens his door to find a 6’5", incredibly muscular, completely shaved man, wearing a speedo, running shoes, and a sign that says, “If I can catch you, I can fuck you.”
Here’s one from my mom:
Four elderly women are playing bridge at a Catholic community center. The first woman says, “My son is a priest. When people see him, they say, ‘Hello, father.’”
The second woman says, “My son is a bishop. When people see him, they say, ‘Greetings, your excellency.’”
The third says, “My son is a cardinal. When people meet him, they say, ‘Welcome, your eminence.’”
The fourth sits up proudly and says, “My son is a six-foot-four, hard-bodied male stripper with a 7” penis. When people see him, they say, ‘Oh my God!’"
A Methodist, a Catholic, and a Morman are at a bar. The Methodist says, “I have four boys and my wife’s pregnant. If this one’s a boy, I’ll have my own basketball team.”
The Catholic says, “That’s nothing. I have ten boys and my wife’s pregnant. If this one’s a boy, I’ll have my own football team.”
The Mormon says, “I have seventeen wives and I’m engaged. Pretty soon, I’ll have me a golf course!”
Four old college buddies get together for dinner after many years apart. After dinner, one of the four excuses himself to visit the restroom. While he’s away, the other three happen to discuss their repective kids, all of whom have grown to adulthood.
“My son” says the first guy “is an ad. rep. for a prestigious ad agency. He’s got so much money, he not only bought a Mercedes for himself, he even bought one for his best friend!”
“That’s great,” says the second man. “As for MY son, he’s made a killing in real estate and he just bought an estate in Palm Springs, even though he doesn’t live there. His best friend will be watching the property for him.”
“And MY son” chimes in the third man “is an internet mogul. He’s set for life because of the programming language he developed. He & a friend are travelling the world right now.”
At that point, the fourth man returns from the restroom. They ask what HIS son is up to nowadays. “My son is a gay hustler.” he states.
“Oh! We’re sorry.” the other men mutter. They look away sadly.
“Oh don’t be sorry, he’s doing great!” says the fourth man. “He’s much in demand and has any number of guys eating out of the palm of his hand. Why, one of his johns just bought him a Mercedes, and another john bought him an estate in Palm Springs that he’ll be living in as soon as he & a third john get done touring the world!”