No, it’s not.
@chacoguy and why do you think that?
Now that I know you are 16 I take it back about you finding a man.
You should be dating boys, and boys who are younger than 22.
and now to quote Mark Twain
‘never allow somebody to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option’.
He’s not treating you right, he’s not treating you with respect. Calling you ‘babe’ is meaningless. It’s a pet name and for all you know he is calling a half dozen other women ‘babe’.
Some people do it out of habit, some do it because there’s less chance of calling somebody by the wrong name.
Love might be a noun, but it’s also a VERB. It’s easy to say you love somebody, it’s easy to feel love, but unless it is backed up by action it is meaningless.
I’m sorry if I sound harsh but the reality is he is not treating you as though he loves you and if you are willing to accept less that is exactly what you will get, less.
No, it’s good that you are being honest! i like honest and that is what I am looking for. I’ve always liked guys that are a couple years older than me because boys just tend to not take things seriously. They don’t know what commitment is and for my age, I’m quite mature.
I appreciate your advice and i’m taking it to heart. Exactly, words are nothing if they aren’t followed by actions and that’s exactly what he is doing.
I love the quote and It really got me thinking @ sihirrnee
And it’s also something which emotionally immature people do. Not that I ever did it. Nope. Never. It was, err, my friend. Yeah, that’s it. My friend did that and he was emotionally immature.
Either way, it’s trouble.
What I found for me, is that it’s almost impossible to go straight to being friends if you are the one who still loves the other person and they were the one who broke up with you.
I did that when I was in college. My girlfriend and first real love was a member of the strict conservative church I grew up in but had stopped attending. She kept getting a lot of pressure from her church-going family so she broke up with me. We tried being friends, but since we still loved each other, we would get back together again, then she would end it, again, and we would be friends again. Rinse and repeat.
After a number of anguishing cycles I finally ended it and told her I couldn’t be friends. Looking back, it really wasn’t her fault. She was a really cool person, but conflicted between her head (pick someone of the same religion) and her heart.
the funny thing about that is that many times he would be the one acting immature and not me but of course i would be blamed cause im 16. truth is most of the time i was more mature than he was but he wouldn’t see that @tokyobayer
At 16 you shouldn’t be looking for a commitment from anyone. Date around. Get to know lots of different guys. Decide what things you like about certain ones, and what things you don’t like. Trust me, there’s not one person out there that will be 100% perfect for you. We are all individuals, and trust me on this as well, you will change. The 26 year old you will be different from the 16 year old you. What you want out of life and what drives you will be different as well. You have a long time to figure out who your ONE is. Take your time. And don’t worry that he might get away if you don’t act now, that’s a myth.
Hi Anonymous,
Have you talked to your mom and dad about this? If you think they would be understanding about it, and support you, I think you should try. You don’t have to give all the details, because parents do understand that their kids have a right to privacy, but you can tell them about your hurt and confusion and ask for guidance. I have a 16 year old daughter and she has come to me a couple times about certain boys. We talk a lot.
I understand if talking to your parents isn’t an option, though. If it isn’t than you need to take care of yourself. Get busy in the things you like to do, to fill that empty apace in your life. You need time to get away from the habit of thinking about this guy 24/7, and start some good new habits. Make some new friends. It will take time but in a few months, if you give it your best effort, it won’t hurt so much.
Good luck. You sound like a smart and capable person. Let us know how it turns out.
6 years difference is a lifetime when you’re 16. Could you imagine dating someone 6 years younger than you, A77?
This has nothing to do with maturity. It raises questions on why either party has problems relating to each other’s peer group. I’m sure you think you’re quite mature for your age at 16 but the fact remains you’ve only had 16 years worth of experience which all the rational thought cannot replace. Case-in-point, you don’t know how to handle this situation. Someone with more experience can clearly see that this guy is being unfairly possessive. All of the bickering over who’s a top person for whom, who called whom babe, etc. is moot. You’ve broken up. That should be the end of the conversation. You can be amicable and even friendly, but the moment someone says something they wouldn’t to another “friend” and it immediately becomes messy.
I wouldn’t expect a 16 year old to know how to handle this situation. I do expect a 22 year old to know how to - and he’s handling it poorly. The majority of the blame is on him, but you (A77) need to pick up the slack, be the more mature person, and say definitively that you don’t like it when he crosses the line like that, and that it makes you uncomfortable. Yes, you can like the attention, and still be uncomfortable.
Age is not just a number. What you’re looking for in a relationship is drastically different than what a 20-something is looking for. There are so many things you aren’t looking for in a boyfriend that you will in 6 years. Again, you might think you’re mature but do you really want to have to consider all the factors that go into finding a boyfriend that a 22 year old should be?
- Does he have his shit together professionally speaking?
- Is he poised to relocate? Can you follow him while keeping your shit together professionally speaking?
- Do you like his friends? Does he yours? What happens if you/him doesn’t?
- Can he handle his booze/drugs/other vice, or is he a wreck?
- Would he be a good roommate if you did move in together? Does he want to move in? Do you? Who gives up the lease, or would you two find a new place all together?
All of this on top of the usual relationship things that you should be learning for yourself right now.
I don’t know what you’re looking for in older guys but I’ll tell you right now 99% of the time you won’t find it. You shouldn’t be actively seeking a long term relationship. If you are, your issue isn’t about maturity or love. It’s probably improperly placed self esteem derived from having a boyfriend and being defined as such. It’s not good. You need to be focused on yourself. Your grades, your hopes, your dreams, etc. A boyfriend complements that, not usurps it.
Oh well, it was just a year. Move on. You’ll meet someone else.
In the meantime perhaps you can cheer yourself up by getting together with your girlfriends and going shopping for some punctuation and capital letters.
It’s always painful ending a relationship. You can stretch it out with some ups and downs until it’s finally completely over or you can just end it now. The latter will hurt a lot, but on the other hand, there’s none of that indecision to lose sleep over, no game playing, and the hurting will be over sooner.
You’re probably more right than you know.
A 22-year-old dating a 16-year-old is most likely by definition immature. Otherwise he’d be dating women in his experience and age range, not impressionable 16-year-olds that he believes he can control emotionally. Don’t be that girl!
It’s been a long time ago, but I recall having my “heart broken” several times back when I was about your age and dating fickle older guys. I realise now that they were immature and manipulative and probably incapable at the time of having a grown-up relationship. Because an actual grown-up will look for grown-up partners, and while you are undeniably smart and articulate, you’re not grown up at 16. Even though you really want to be.
You are young and now’s your time to play and experiment.