Don’t ya hate it when you only know the punch line!?!?! Maybe some SDoper recalls how this joke starts. The punchline is:
“Gee, that’s a Hickory Dacquiri, Doc!” It’s killin’ me! - Jinx
First saw it in print in one of Spider Robinson’s Callahan’s stories. The bartender gave a character a drink with a stick in it on Punsday Night. Never thought it was all that funny.
This is my mom’s favorite joke.
A doctor always stopped in to his friendly neighborhood watering hole for an almond daiquiri at 6:00 every day. Dick, the bartender, always had it ready for him on the bar when he came in.
One day, it was approaching six and suddenly Dick realized he was out of almonds. “Oh, no, the doc’s gonna be here any minute! What am I going to do?” He rummaged around and found some hickory nuts, which he figured were close enough. He made the drink and set it on the bar just as the doctor walked in. The doctor took a sip, made a face, and said:
“Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?”
And Dick replied, “No, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”
Sorry. 
A dog enters a Credit Union in the hopes of securing a low-interest home loan. During the interview, the loan officer, a Mr. Paddywack, asks the dog if he can produce any sort of collateral. After rummaging around a bit, the dog produces a small, porcelain object with a sort of handle and some decorative bits painted bright colors. Not sure how to proceed, Paddywack brings the object to his supervisor, who replies…
“It’s a knick-knack Paddywack, give the dog a loan!”
So there.
Twenty seconds of your life you’ll never get back.
You’re welcome.
I often find the funniest part of these jokes to be the initial setup:
That’s pretty funny in itself.
Here the version that I’ve always heard…
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. He says, very politely, “Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation.”
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name and how much he wants to borrow. The frog replies that his name is Kermit Jagger, he wants to borrow $30,000, and that he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to furnish some collateral to secure the loan. The frog says, “OK, I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti excuses herself to consult with the bank manager. She tells the bank manager, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what the heck is this?”
The bank manager looks at her and says:
Wait for it…
“It’s a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
What’s sad, is not only have you wasted another 20 seconds of your life reading essentially the same joke with essientially the same payoff, I wasted several minutes of mine to bring you this.
Pity me.
A priest, a rabbi, a duck, and a frog stroll into a bar, each one carrying a whitewall tire, ecxept the frog, who’s carrying a bicycle pump.
The bartender takes one look at them and says:
Wait for it. . .
Here it comes. . .
“What is this, some kind of a joke?”
The Heineken (sp?) commercial that uses this premise (including the three Polish guys, the horse, the blonde, the blind man, etc.) is my absolute favorite.
Also, I’ve said before that I feel using names like “Mr. Paddywhack” or even “Mr. Whack” in a joke is sort of like cheating. You can make anything funny if you can invent a world where people are named Mr. Paddywhack. A true pun should use what’s given in reality, not invent.
Anyway, it’s still a pretty funny joke, especially the Rolling Stone version. 
If it makes you feel better, the joke also works if the teller is named Patty Whack. Even Patty Black works, as it still sounds close enough.
Abbreviated version:
How about the small town where a couple of Friars decide to open a flower shop. The owner of the other flower shop in town was a little put out by this competition, so he takes steps to close them down. He tried the zoning board, with no luck. He lowers his prices to drive them out. No success. He starts negative advertising about them. No dice.
Finally, he hires the town assassin, Hugh, to take out the Friars. One night, as the store was closing, Hugh bursts into the Friar’s store and shoots them all. This scared the rest of the Friars so badly, they decided not to reopen the store.
The Moral? Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist Friars.
Patty Black was the name in the joke when I first heard it ages ago.
I like the Rolling Stone add-on line though. Hadn’t heard that before!
Am the only one who hates joke emails that…
Wait for it…
Are you ready???..
…put lots of spaces in between set-up and punchline in effort to make you feel this is going to be the funniest thing you’ve ever heard? I delete the damn things as soon as I see the first sign of punchlinus interruptus.
Before hiring the new school bus driver, the supervisor warned him that he’d be driving the “special bus.” To make taking that bus more cool for the younger children, it’s been painted to look like Big Bird from Sesame Street.
The first day on the job, the driver picks up the first student.
“Hi,” the young boy says. “My name is Ross, but because I ride the special bus, they call me ‘special Ross.’”
The driver comes to the next stop and picks up two very fat, very unpleasant twin girls. They say in unison “we’re both named Patty, and we don’t like you.”
At the final stop, the driver picks up a boy wearing sandals. The driver can’t help but noticing he has ugly, misshapen feet. His name is Lester Speese.
The driver can’t even get more than a couple of blocks further before the passengers erupt into fighting and yelling. By the time the bus gets to school, the two Patties are beating up Ross. Lester isn’t saying anything, but he’s sitting on the floor, sandals off, picking at his feet.
The driver takes the bus back to garage and quits on the spot.
“But why?” says the supervisor. “You’ve only driven the route once, and I warned you it would be the special bus.”
“You warned me,” replies the driver. “But you didn’t warn me I’d get two obese Patties, Special Ross and Lester Speece pickin’ bunions on a Sesame Street bus!”
Wasting 20 seconds of your life is NOTHING! Try keeping that joke straight in your mind long enugh to tell it.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”
Regards,
Shodan
Well, there was that group of Franciscans who set up a fish and chips restaurant that didn’t go very well. The first customer got his food, took a bite of the fish, and it was horrible. So, he went over to this Franciscan who was salting the chips, and started talking about how bad his fish was. The Franciscan stopped him, saying, “Sorry, you’ll have to talk to Brother Jacob. He’s the fish friar. I’m just the chip monk.”
This also works with Celine Dion walking into a bar.
A man walks into a bar.
“Ouch!” he says. “I need to watch where I’m going!”
Frank Frog and Sam Clam are best friends and when Frank dies he gets permission from Saint Peter to visit Sam at his Disco one last time. When Frank gets back he looks very sad and when Saint Peter asks him why he replies…
I left my harp in Sam Clam’s Disco.
sorry bout that
A Bear walks into a bar
and the bartender says
Why the long pause?
A termite walks in a bar and says
“where’s the bar tender?”
these next two are much funnier out loud
What do you call a fish with no eye
a FSH
Me:knock knock
you:who’s there?
me: the Interrupting Cow
you:the interr-----
me: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO