Help! How to Meet Men???

I have met somewhere in the neighborhood of 300 women via online personals ads…maybe closer to 500 over the years.

Of those, maybe 60 resulted in a few more dates, around 30 or so of those turned into some kind of steady dating scenario of some kind, married to one for 6-7 years.

Its often a volume task. Meet alot, you will find a few you can connect with. Be prepared for disappointments. I was just recently seeing a woman who was so awesome in so many ways, but had no desire for exclusivity or committment, while being fairly demanding in other ways. It finally go to the point where I just could not go to the effort despite the awesome.

Being 23 and still a virgin is no big deal in my book, hello, Tim Tebow and Lolo Jones! IMO if your goal is to “meet guys” that is one thing, but if your stated goal is to get into a “long term meaningful relationship,” then you are probably putting too much pressure on yourself. At this point your attitude should just be to meet some guys, become friends with them and let things take their natural course. If it is meant to be with a certain guy, it will happen. Take your time and don’t be in a rush, 23 years old is hardly being an old maid.

And meeting guys is easy, they are everywhere, and there always seems to be more available guys than girls for some reason. IMO the key to a good relationship is finding someone who has common interests, grew up in a similar family, and has a compatible personality. You should examine yourself, what are your interests? You won’t find many guys that are into shopping to getting facials, but if you like movies, books, reading, gourmet dining, camping, travel, sports (especially sports), you should use those interests to meet guys. If you are religious, usually church can be a place to meet someone with like values.

Mainly, I would just say to relax and be yourself. That will greatly reduce your anxiety and undoubtedly make you more attractive to the guy of your choice.

It’s been like a week…you even here anymore saralee?

Being 23 and a virgin who has never been in a relationship is a pretty big deal if you want to do those things. And Tim Tebow is a religious nut so he doesn’t count. I don’t know who Lolo Jones is though.

It was a big enough deal for Tebow to be taunted about it by his teammates.

Yes, I’m still here, T-Cups. I’ve just been busy the past 2 days.. Plus I didn’t think I’d get anymore responses. Just wanna say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. Still not sure which route I wanna take (online dating, bar room). I’ll write an update… when/if I find a man, lol.

Wait, you’ve met over 500 women… off the internet? How is that even possible? I don’t think I’ve even spoken to that many people in life time.

over 300 definite, maybe as much as 500.
I’m 42 and was running on aol and yahoo personals as early as 1998. Post an ad, if you wanted to just go meet for coffee and such you can easily meet 4-5 a week. I have had a lot of 2-3 meet weeks, I tend to go in flurries of 30-50 over a 3 month or so period then end up dating one for a few months, it fizzles, another round of meets. I actually just had a kinda quick turnaround in the form of dropped one I had been seeing, updated ad, had a bunch of replies, met 6 in a week or so, and #6 seems to like me and we have gone out 6-7 times over the last 3 weeks.

A wise woman once told me,
“If you go to bars, you will meet the kind of people that hang out in bars”
This applies to anything, art galleries, PTA meetings, dog parks, coffee houses, dance clubs, whatever.

If there is a world you want to explore or become a bigger part of, go there. Over the last few years I have become heavily involved in a medieval reenactment group. It is not mandatory that a potential g/f be involved but I would expect them to at least be willing to check it out and bare minimum tolerate my involvement and not expect me to stop because I am with them now. I have always kept a lookout while at events and have met a few ladies who were more than willing to help me out of my armor but its a pretty narrow and widely dispersed crowd. Almost anyone I meet outside our local group is going to live a few hours away. The last woman I hung out with at an event that got pretty chummy with me was from San Diego, a solid 6-7 hour drive. I know am too high maintenance to do that kind of distance, but if we happened to find ourselves at alot of the same events and wanted to hang out…works for me.

@Chillix

Since 1998??? Wow! Lol. Wish I could go that far back in time. I wouldn’t even be on this site lol… Anyway, I attend dance classes every now and then. Matter of fact, I just went to one yesterday. But, it’s just women there. And I can’t think of anything else I actually have an interest in, that would give me the opportunity to meet plenty (straight) men while doing it.

Do you have a hard time meeting women in person or something (if you don’t mind me asking)? If so, how come?.. It’s just that, I’ve never known or heard of anyone whose met 99% of the people he’s dated through an online dating site.

I own my own business, and tend to work long and odd hours, I am an athiest so church isnt much of an option, I dont do the bar scene. I have dated a few customers, but they never want to pay again after that so I avoid turning a regular customer into an ex customer and ex g/f.

So my life is work, and SCA, not alot of other social outlets, so online works well for me.

SCA? Jeebus, you can’t meet singles in the SCA? :eek: I mean, even a dude like me has no problem meeting other singles in the SCA. There’s even a filk about it.

Meeting, no problem. Meeting one that isn’t long distance is more challenging.

You haven’t?

That might be age-related. In your early 20s, your peers probably still have tight-knit social circles that are condusive to college-style dating where you meet people through friends. In college you’ll meet hundreds of people your age in a day just through classes, and a lot of them are probably socially connected to each other. But as you get older, you lose those built-in peer groups and you aren’t in contact with as many people in your age range, so you have to be a bit more deliberate about meeting people to date.

I’m in my early 30s, and pretty much all of my single friends use online dating. It’s no stranger than buying a dress of booking a plane ticket online…why go through all that work trying to meet people with potential dealbreakers (Is he single? Is he gay? Does he want kids? Does he think I’m attractive? Is he looking for a relationship or a fling) when you can just as easily meet people who are interested in you and have put their potential dealbreakers spelled out right in front of you? People are busy, and online dating keeps you from wasting your time with false starts.

The most successful online daters I know have been fairly systematic about it. When I was dating, I’d see five or six people in a week- often going to coffee for one date in the afternoon and meeting someone later for dinner. I held off from being exclusive until I was certain there was a future with someone. I did this for about a month, and ended up finding a great guy. Systematically meeting guys may not be the most romantic thing in the world. but there is plenty of time for romance once you meet that someone special.

Post a picture and your number? :wink:

Seeing as you’re female you will be able to get away without putting up a picture. Just write up a nice profile and include a short description of yourself (height/weight or at least an accurate body type description, hair color, etc). Describe yourself as attractive/stunning/etc if you are. Then spend some time and try to find the guy(s) you’d like to contact. If your written profile is in tune enough with what the guy is looking for he’ll likely write back without having to see your picture. You can later choose to send that guy a picture of yourself once you have email communication going.

Bingo…It’s a numbers game.

SaraLee, you might not know what you really want in a man until you’ve accumulated a good sample size. And I don’t mean sleep with 500 men, but at least make contact with 500, find the ones that seem interesting and worthy of a date, see if the attraction increases on the first date, a second date if you are not sure…don’t hang on to any guys that you are not sure about, because you’ll be wasting your time and theirs, so cut it off if things are not working out or you don’t feel safe. You should be able to whittle that number down to a few good men; men that are interesting to you, care for you, and you can be intimate with.

Oh, and be the type of person you would want to be with.

Good Luck.

I’m 23 also, and I have social anxiety, and thus have problems meeting guys. I’m basically in the same boat as you. While I was a teenager, I thought I would never, ever have a boyfriend or have sex. Luckily, that wasn’t the case :slight_smile:

Let’s see. Here’s how I met most of the guys I’ve been with:

  1. I go to college, so guys there sometimes talk to me. Also I take the bus to school, so guys sometimes sit by me. This was the case with one of my ex-boyfriends. He sat by me, and started talking to me, and eventually he asked for my number. And the rest is history. Also, if I find myself talking to a guy I like, I can sometimes muster up the courage to ask for his number. I just say “maybe I can get your number?” and it usually turns out okay.

  2. Craigslist. I know, I know. But I was really lonely and depressed last summer, so I gave in and decided to hit up craigslist. I’ve never posted anything myself, I’ve just emailed guys who had posted one. But surprise surprise, all the guys I have met from craigslist (about 5) turned out to be really great people! Seriously, some of the most awesome people I know ;)… I ended up dating one, becoming very good friends with 2, and the other 2 were minor friends.

Just text with them at first to see if you like them, then meet up if you want to. Yeah, it can be awkward at first, especially if you have anxiety, but after a few times it becomes more comfortable, and you get to know each other.

Now I’m sure there are some losers on CL, heck, that’s all I expected, but I haven’t experienced it yet. You can usually tell by their posting whether they’re a douche or not.
3. Through other friends-- though this doesn’t happen often, as I don’t have many friends.

Also, I suppose you could try a dating site.

Other things to remember:
-be flirtatious, but not over the top.

  • Avoid guys who ask for sexy pics, (at least right away.)
    -DON’T act needy. (That one’s hard for me, haha).
    And I must say, that married guy is a total piece of shit. Anyone that would cheat on their wife is totally rotten. So don’t let yourself become rotten by being part of it. I know what it like to feel lonely and to crave the attention of some guy, even if he is a jerk. It’s better than nothing, right? WRONG. It’s so not worth it. Believe me, it’s only gonna cause you stress and heartache, and make you feel bad about yourself. I repeat, NOT worth it.

Anyway, it takes time to learn. I still am. Good luck girlie. :slight_smile:

I know this is a spam revived zombie, but holy shit, I’m sad I missed this thread the first time around. It’s like a female me, more or less the same age and everything. Though I did get a girlfriend at 21, but social anxiety difficulty making friends/starting relationships etc etc sounded like I could’ve written it. I know you’re probably no longer around, but good luck OP.

Edit: Well, okay, mostly the first paragraph of the post, the rest is a bit specific, natch.

IMO you are way too picky. Real men don’t come according to a mythical wish list. Everything is a compromise.
Of course, you can wait in hope.

Anyway, with your “wish list”, I doubt any man will be good enough.

Why don’t you just start off with platonic friendships, and see if anything develops?

BTW, I didn’t get married till I was over 60, so there’s always hope. I was super picky too, but I had several good platonic female friends, some of which were married.