I’ll try to keep this short; I could go on for pages if I let myself.
Background: I have been a boarder and student of my dressage trainer for six years. Let’s call her “Gina.” Gina’s boarding policy is that every boarder pays for four lessons with her each month; the price of the lessons is included in the board. You can opt out of taking the lessons, but you cannot opt out of paying for them. Since I want to take lessons, and she is a good trainer, this has not been a problem for me. I mention it because it is germane to what follows.
I am a courteous, conscientious, reliable boarder. I pay my board on time, show up for lessons on time, work my horse consistently, strive to grow as a rider, get along with my barn mates and have volunteered to help out Gina with small tasks around the barn – filling water buckets, bringing horses in from the pasture, etc. – when she’s been under time pressure. And she’s been under a lot of self-created pressure. In the six years I’ve been there, Gina has had two children and hip replacement surgery, which prevented her from doing any hand’s on training on my horse for over two and a half years. She did continue to do lessons. She currently has a seven-month-old baby who she is breast-feeding, so Baby accompanies Gina everywhere and often sets Gina’s schedule. I have overlooked these situations over the years in great part because, hey, life happens, and-- and this is important – my horse receives excellent care at this barn. Whatever other shortcomings Gina may have, she provides Cadillac care for the horses.
To the current issue: Last week, out of the blue, after months of conviviality at the barn and shows, the other three boarders and I received a blistering email from Gina in which she took us to task us because “someone” went into the hay room after being told that the hay room was strictly off-limits to anyone except her and the feeding staff. That “someone” was me, and I’ve never, in all the years I’ve boarded there, heard that the hay room was off-limits. (I spoke with a barn mate about it and she’d never heard of this “rule” either.) I’d gone into the hay room to return hay from the horse trailer that I’d taken to a show so that it didn’t go to waste. I was doing a good thing, proving that no good deed goes unpunished.
Gina then went on to complain loud and long about how hard she works for us, how she gives up time with her family to teach us and go to shows, how she loses sleep over figuring out the best way to teach us and horses. The problem here is that we pay for every single service she provides, coaching at horse shows, trailering, lessons, even paying for motel accommodations for her and her baby at out-of-town horse shows because she doesn’t want to use her camper like she did in her childless days. She ended by saying that if anyone broke the rules again, they’d be ask to leave and the subject of the incident with hay room was now closed and would not be discussed ever again. Period.
Needless to say, I was, and still am, furious. This is not the first time she’s behaved like a pouty dictator but it certainly is the most egregious. I am angry at being scolded like a five-year-old for breaking a rule I didn’t know existed. I am frustrated that I’m not allowed to defend myself. And, I am very sorry to hear that having students and boarders who pay for her services – who, in effect, put food on her table – are such a burden. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone and would love to end my boarding and training relationship.
But here’s the rub: There is no boarding barn of comparable quality within 40 miles of me. Oh, yes, there are a few other barns; I visited two of them this weekend. They are unsatisfactory in many ways and I would not keep my horse in them. I will not punish him with substandard living conditions just because Gina is immature and unprofessional.
So, I’m staying and because I’m staying, I’ll be continuing to take lessons so I’ll be continuing to have weekly contact with Gina. My barn mate has said that Gina acts like nothing whatsoever is amiss because, I’m sure, in her world, it isn’t. She had her say, vented her spleen, shit on her clients, who are afraid to respond because there’s no place to take their horses, and now feels oh so much better, so everything is just peachy. I know from past experience that I cannot talk to her about this. She is very defensive about how she runs her business. She will tell me that, if I’m not happy, I should move. End of conversation.
How do I get passed this? I’m angry and frustrated. I know I will be walking on eggshells everytime I go to the barn, wondering which rule I’m breaking now. I’m trying to convince myself that her email was just a one-off steam venting but I’m not so sure. I don’t want to be a position of being her punching bag when Life’s frustrations become too much for her. But I don’t my horse to suffer at a substandard stable. I’ve got to make staying okay in my head.
Suggestions? Thanks.
BTW, the hay room being some sort of sacred, off limits space is absurd. There is no way that was really a rule before she lost her damn mind.
