Try this:
“Classy.” :rolleyes:
A good kick in the groin will discourage any other interaction with you by any male.
Not responsible for any other actions this may cause though…
Miss Manners is always helpful. While she is not the queen of the witty comeback (that would be rude) - she would recommend looking at the offender and saying “I beg your pardon.” Try to get a certain icy tone to your voice - alternatively your tone can be slightly amused - you can’t imagine anyone would actually think that was witty or worth saying." Repeat as often as necessary. Its the polite version of “WTF.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that” … “Oh, I thought you might have said that, but I couldn’t understand why anyone would.”
or, the tact my seven year old takes “I know you are, but what am I.” Always infuriating. But much less adult.
And this is bad how? Suddenly, you have a place to go where he is paid to be nice to you. And if he is rude, or says something rude, you have someone who will listen (likely) in his manager.
Unless you feel physically threatened (in which case, please please go talk to an adult now about this harrassing and mention that its only words now, but you feel things are escalating and that there could be physical violence), these are words - they can only hurt if you let them.
The plus side is that high school ends. And all this becomes “I feel sorry for people who think those were the best years of their life. Cause there is so much more out in the real world with so much less crap.”
Its really hard to learn - and its the rare highschooler that manages it - but people only have the power over you that you give them. And this jerk doesn’t deserve any power over you. You can make that your mantra if you want - every time he insults you, say to yourself “this jerk doesn’t deserve any power over me.”
Get some music to listen to on the bus. When he starts with the dumb-ass comments, look him straight in the eye and put on your head phones.
I went through the same thing in high school. A pair of twins used to torment me unmercifully. It seemed like the end of the world then but now I’m a globe-trotting, international woman of mystery and they’re in prison. What goes around, comes around.
You’re right Dangerosa I shouldn’t give him any power over me but I don’t WANT to have to wait for high school to end, I WANT to enjoy it a lot. This situation is just like a little gnat in the back of my mind. I’m not worried about physical violence at all, if anything I’m more likely to punch him.
I will bare all your comments in mind but I’m scared!
I imagine that if I were to come across him in Borders he’d say some snide remark and if I said anything to the manager then jerk would say “oh it’s okay we know each other, just friendly banter.”
I do have one, I guess, trump card but this would be an absolute last resort. Jerk and I are friends with this other guy called Neutral. I was thinking of asking Neutral to tell Jerk to cool it with me (Jerk respects Neutral a lot) but Neutral is unaware of Jerk’s actions towards me.
Oh btw, are there any ex-tormenters/bullies here? I’d just like to hear from your side of the story and what would make you stop the teasing. I know they always say bullies are also victims and blah blah blah but that is honestly a load of crap 'cause he aint a victim at all I assure you, he clearly does it to exert power.
Surly_chick did those twins bother anyone else? Or was it just you?
Mostly they just tortured me. I knew even back then that it was because they were intimidated by me and knew that I had more more brains than the two of them combined (hence the ending up in prison bit). They were very cute and I think were put off by the fact that I didn’t fawn all over them like most of the other girls in school. I didn’t let them stop me from enjoying school tho - I just rolled my eyes and pretended it didn’t hurt. And then eventually it really didn’t.
Ignore the boy and phrase your comebacks in the form of questions to his friends. If he’s rude to you in front of them turn to one and say something like, “Remind me again. Why are you friends with an ugly virgin?” If he insults you when you’re alone wait until his friends arrive and say “You’re not going to believe what he told me. He said he cries everytime he jerks off. I’m sorry was that supposed to be a secret?”
Well there’s your ticket!
He might not care about your opinion of him, nor about the fact that his bullying will bring down your opinion of him. But this shows that he does care about his friends’ opinions. He also beliefs their opinion about him will go down if they’d know about the bullying.
So sciurophobic’s idea is pretty good one.
But I have another suggestion. Try to become friends with the bully’s friends. Not in order to ‘snitch’ about his behaviour, but go for real genuine friendships. You did say you like them, after all. It will gain you a lot of power over the bully.
I’d wager that that’s all you got to do to stop the bullying. Or else your new friends might come to your defense. After a while he might even try to become your friend. And of course the worst case scenario is that you gain a few friends. Go for it!
And you respond with “yes we know each other, and this is NOT friendly banter. My friends don’t treat me like this.” Make it clear to the manager if you need to complain that it isn’t acceptable to brush off abuse of paying customers as “we go to high school together.”
It does not sound to me like you’ve made it clear to him that this is not friendly banter. Perhaps next time he make a comment in class you should respond with “I don’t appreciate when you do that. It is unkind and an unacceptable way to treat me.” Do it in front of the whole class and in front of the teacher. It isn’t witty, but it lays it on the line and doesn’t encourage a “game” of “friendly banter” that is neither friendly nor banter.
Man, you guys are the smarts!
But now I’m slightly confused… shall I go for the “Eat s*** and die” plan? Or the “Why are you friends with an ugly virgin?” (btw, he’s neither ugly nor virgin) plan? Or the “I think you’re really disrespectful”? 'Cause they’re all quite conflicting and I can’t do them all at the same time or swop each day or something.
Urgh, I so need lessons in how to stand up for myself. Bus jerk still teases me in front of his friends but it is milder compared. Now I know why safety in numbers works so well…
Well, doing the “I think you’re really disrespectful” part would be the first salvo. A throwing of the gauntlet, if you will. Next is up to you. If he starts laying a little low and picks times that are highly favorable to him to fire back with the next one, then go for the jugular and use his friends against him. At least, use them until they turn on you/become indifferent.
“Eat shit and die” is a good, solid, multipurpose one. That’s an all weather insult whose meaning is enforced with the situation at hand.
You might also want to point out that some day, he’ll be pumping your gas or walking your dogs for a living.
Not a bad thing to toss in there if you can add your Toilsktness to it
Hey, us geeks, outcasts, and weirdos have to stick together. 
As for which tactic to use, it depends on your personality. Me, I tend to give off an arrogant bastard vibe by default, so it’s a matter of enhancing or suppressing it accordingly.
If he bothers you there, speak loudly enough to be heard by others in the area “I heard on the news that Borders was commited to hiring the mentally handicapped. It’s nice to see they’ve kept their word.” The key is to have it overheard by others for maxium embarassment.
Personally, I have always found flipping the bird to be a nice all-purpose comeback
Whichever method you choose to deal with them just keep the delivery in mind. If you do it with gritted teeth or a clenched jaw like you are angry, they (he) will just feed off it.
He gives you crap when you get on the bus. You saw “screw you” “f*** off” (or whatever) in a bright tone like you were telling a friend good morning. Then casually plop your butt in your seat and go about your business - free to ignore any other insults that may come because you’ve already had your say.
He’s a total loser. You aren’t. Even if you don’t feel like it, or don’t realize it yourself, yet, it’s totally obvious to us. And, we’re a bunch of nitpicky jerks that jump all over, well, pretty much everyone. So, if he starts to get to you just remind yourself that some anonymous chick on a message board told you you are superior to that butthead 
And, good luck. Nothing sucks like being picked on in High School.
Just a lil update: Regarding the bus jerk, I’ve gained more confidence because he really is JUST A BIG DICKHEAD, today he was on the bus chucking banana skin at the other passengers and laughing, then when his friends got on he got really aggressive towards them as well as physically pushing them down on their seats… it’s like WTF and you’re still friends with him??
So I think I’m okay with that, I even managed to get a couple of comebacks at him today, yay!
BUT the class jerks are just getting worse and worse. I get mocked EVERY lesson, it’s not that he’s immensely popular or anything, but the class still laughs even though they’re not exactly his best friend or anything. I have pinpointed one particular jerk who is always the one who initiates the mocking of me publicly in front of class. It just so happens that all his mates are in this class and share his mentality although they do not initiate the mocking.
Unlike my last phys ed. class, I do not have any close friends in this class as my group just HAPPENED to get split up across the range of classes whilst the rest entered the class as cliques already. This is likely to be because head of department wanted to keep an eye on the lazy students and we were one of the blocks she would be teaching.
2/5 of the class are these jocks.
2/5 are neutral
1/5 are friends-ish
I get mocked 'cause I do well academically and for SOME reason, they think it must be cause I have no social life (you’d think that the fact I’m good at sport would say something but noooo,) and it really hurts me that they think I’m this geek that buries myself in books as soon as I get home. (I do work as opposed to them not doing any at all).
In my class last year, I never got mocked at all and loved the people in my class and the subject. Now I dread going 'cause I know that they’ll just mock me!! I fear speaking in class 'cause I KNOW they will make some snide comment, and especially if perchance I get the answer wrong, the jocks all go “OOOO, you’re losing it” and other things to that effect, and you probably think I’m over-reacting but it happens in EVERY lesson and not in a friendly jokey manner. Another example is that we recently had a test and I heard head-jerk asking another jock what I got in the test and I actually couldn’t believe he said “Dammit etc” not loud enough for everyone to hear, but I sit in the middle of the class and clearly heard and I feel like “Thanks, you actually want me to fail. My classmates want me to fail. I have to spend 5 hours with them every week. I hate this.” I am just SICK of them deliberatly putting me down all the time. The phys ed teachers are young and male and so don’t exactly stifle this kind of behaviour and I don’t think they think it affects me but it really does. It affects me to the point of my heart racing when I hear a snide remark and adrenalin pumping and seeing white and not being able to think of an insult back because of this. When 4/5 of the class laugh along, it doesn’t make me feel good at all. I don’t think they’re all particularly laughing at ME per se, but laughing with the jock is almost as bad.
Help me!
By the way, phys ed lessons consist of practical and theory.
And I know some of you will say “it’ll pass” and “everyone has to put up with jerks” but I don’t WANT to be one of those pushovers. I want to do something about it.
I won’t say it’ll pass because it sucks so bad when you’re in it and it doesn’t help to hear that. I’m really sorry you are in this situation; it’s in the past for me but I can still feel what it felt like at the time and it still can make me very angry. And it sucks to not be able to turn to the authority figures and be able to count on them.
So if you can do something to mitigate it and feel like you’ve taken back some of the power, that would be excellent. I’m sorry I don’t know what the answer is. :mad:
It intrigues me that the one guy bullies you without his friends nearby and tones it down when they arrive. That wouldn’t be the pattern I saw; there they ignored me when they were on their own, until it was time to gang up on me and laugh about it as a group.
And fuck em if they want you to fail. You will be able to do well regardless and not let that change.