Help me not feel like an ass

I’ve been living with a guy I’ve known for 10 years (we’re both straight) and sometimes he’s a cool guy. Sometimes he’s an absolute ass. We’ve been roommates for almost 2 years and it’s starting to really get to me.

A friend through a former job saw me at a house-warming and suggested (in passing) that I let him know if I was ever looking for a place. My roommate is also trying to find “us” a new place, but I really don’t want to live with him anymore.

The other guy and I played poker the other night and brought up the whole roommate situation. He owns his place and would like to have a friend around, not to mention splitting the bills. He and I are much more alike than my passive-aggressive pedophile liar roommate. So, I choose to move in to his place, especially since it’s less than half the distance between my current place and work.

My dilemna is that I would feel bad about making my current roommate find someone else to room with him (he has few friends if any). Granted, he has looked into getting a place all on his own, before even talking to me about moving. Most of that is talk though. Even though he’s been inconsiderate, I don’t feel it’s appropriate to act in kind.

I guess I just need a little justification and encouragement in order to make myself better, while at the same time partially ruin his pathetic life. I wish there were another way.

More background info about his misdeeds can be found here.

If he’s been such a loser/jackass/asshole/creep/prick why do I feel like the bastard for trying to make things better?

IS he, in fact, a pedophile? Or were you referring to the 18-year-olds you mentioned in the other thread about him?
If he is an actual pedophile and you know about it, have you done anything? Like call the police?
I can’t help but think that if you feel compelled emotionally to live with an abusive jerk, maybe you got some problems or your own. It shouldn’t take this much to get you to figure maybe you need a new roomie.

You don’t have to justify it. It is basically a business relationship that can be ended by either party at any time for any reason or no reason. If it was me, I would just tell him that you are moving out and when and wish him the best of luck. Don’t give him any details or argue about anything that either of you has done. That is a mistake inexperienced people and college girls (that I have known)always make. If he tries to argue, just repeat when you are leaving, how you settle the final bills, what furniture will be going with you and that is it.

Don’t feel like an ass. He is a roomate (that you don’t like much), not a fiancee that you have pledged to spend the rest of you life with. One or both of you has to move on at some point and it might as well be now.

Of course you are only human and will feel nervous and bad breaking the news to him but stick to my advice and you will minimize the discomfort to yourself and your roomate. Also, you owe it to yourself to get the best living arrangement that you can swing. Don’t try to be a martre for no real cause.

It’s either him or you. At some point, you’ve got to worry about #1, right?

Tell the guy straight up “I’m moving out in X days” (whatever X may be) and let him take it from there. That’s both considerate and self-preserving, right?

Speaking of self-preserving, if he’s loser enough to be pissed about it and seek revenge, move out now and then tell him “I’ll pay for X days worth of my rent”.

As long as you’re not breaking a (shared) lease, then you have absolutely no obligations to remain his roommate. It’s your life and if you’re really feeling bad, give him 30days notice (which is all an actual landlord asks for). If you really want to fuck with him, just move out with no notice.

It is a shared lease, so he does have to be at least somewhat civil about the final move out date. I don’t think I can just decide to leave whenever I want, I’m pretty sure we have to both agree to a lease termination date. I could be wrong though.

No, he doesn’t actually molest children. He is however 30 years old, and if the law didn’t prohibit it he would probably be dating 15 year olds. Almost everyone he chats with online is in high school. Not a pedophile by the dictionary definition, but close enough in my book.

Thanks for the responses, I guess I just needed to justify my decision. He’ll be pretty well screwed after I tell him, since he has almost no friends to speak of and he can’t afford to have a place on his own given his current lifestyle. I guess that’s not really my problem though.

You mentioned that he has made some moves towards getting a place of his own. Find your copy of the lease, read all the fine print, and decide what your best and worst-case scenarios will be.

Then sit down with the roommate you are leaving behind, and tell him that you want out, and you think he does, too. Start to negotiate for your best-case scenario, put as much emphasis on win-win aspects as you can, and be prepared to lose a little ground.

It does not matter that you don’t think he was serious enough in his search for single accommodation. That assessment is secondary in your negotiation to the simple fact that he has been looking. At the very least, he is not really in a position to argue with your decision to move on - he has made similar moves.

Good luck.

Very objective, I like that. Good ideas too. Are you in risk management or something?

I guess my first step is to find out what the terms of terminating our lease are, and then making the best use of those rules.

My family would howl with laughter at the idea of my being in risk management; I have a regrettable tendency to dive head-first into a situation without checking the depth of the pool.

I am an administrator at a firm specializing in real estate appraisal and consulting, though, and taking courses to do the same.

I have learned (recently) that being objective about the bare facts of an issue makes it very easy to find the right path.