My co-worker/room mate and I just moved into a house very close to work. We were both living in the same apt. complex (but different apts) about 15 miles from work and decided that we get along well enough with one another to rent a house together much closer to work.
Well, one night last week (after many, many beers) he starts “coming on” to me. He started grabbing my knee and tried to kiss me. I explained to him that I was very flattered, but was not interested. I explained that I am heterosexual and that I do not have a problem with him being homosexual and hope that he is happy. I said that I enjoy being his friend, but being a heterosexual I am not interested in anything more.
Now then…
He has been pissy and stand-offish every since then. Everytime I try to talk to him about anything I am lucky if I get more than 1 or 2 words. I don’t know if he is afraid that people at work will find out (which they won’t since it is his own personal business and if he wants anyone to know he is gay, he will tell them), or if he is upset simply about being rejected. I can’t really see that I did anything wrong, though.
So, does anyone see where I may have done something to upset him or did anything wrong? If so, then please tell me. I like being his friend and I don’t wanna fuck that up. I have never, ever been hit on by a gay man before. I did my best to remain calm, understanding, and in no way hostile while trying to convey that I support him and want to be friends, but nothing more than friends.
You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, I think you let him down about as easily as you could have. Give him some time to get over the rejection. If he doen’t/can’t, then find a new roommate when your lease is up.
Thanks for the feedback guys. I didn’t think I did anything wrong. I figured that me being out of town all weekend and a couple of days this week (helping my brother clean up after hurricane Ivan, not specifically getting away from the roommate) would have help keep things from getting wierd.
Anyway, this is starting to piss me off. I may offer him a beer and try talking to him tonight after work. If that doesn’t work, then I’m through with it until he tries to talk to me. I mean I have hit on female friends of mine before. Some of them rejected the idea, others didn’t. I never got pissed off at the ones that did reject me.
He knew very well that I was not gay. If he wants to have some guy over then that is his option and I don’t care one way or the other. But I cannot see anyway possible that he thought he was getting a “live in fuck buddy”.
Good for you, Greathouse, and good luck sorting things out with your roommate. I wish you’d have a word with Jimmy Swaggart and explain to him how real men handle these situations.
It’s possible that he thought that, I guess. Or it could have been that we were drunk and he made an advance that he now regrets. Either way, it’s not really my issue.
Not that it matters, but it was his idea to move in together. The only stipulation I had about moving in with him is that he not have men over when my son is there. Before anyone gets all uppity about that last statement, it is the same thing as me not having women over when my son is there.
So far, you’ve handled the whole situation about as sensitively as you possibly could.
If he stays angry and distant, though, it’s time to give him a friendly but firm talking-to.
Tell him that you accept that his advance was nothing more than a drunken mistake, that you don’t think anything less of him for it, and that you have no intention of telling anyone (except us, of course :D) about it.
Make it clear that this hasn’t affected your friendship (if that is the case). But also make it very clear that you are not willing to live in such a hostile environment, and that he needs to put it behind him and start acting like an adult.
These sort of situations suck, whether the dynamic is hetero- or homosexual, and it’s possible that he so hurt or angry or embarrassed that your friendship won’t recover. Good luck.
You’re cutting him way too much slack just because he’s gay and you don’t want to appear homophobic. Considering the fact that you were both polite and more than willing to move past his advance and remain friends, I can’t imagine how you could have handled it better. He’s being a dick. Gay people can be selfish, petty, childish and mean., just like everyone else. It’s part of that “we’re all the same under our skin, unfortunately” melting pot of diversity.
Think about it: if you were female, and a male friend came on to you, and then sulked and acted pissy after you gently turned down an advance, there’d be no question about who the asshole was. Hopefully he’ll get over it soon, otherwise give him a talking to like mhendo described.
Yeah, I guess y’all are right. I’ll probably have a talk with him this weekend if shit doesn’t change before then. And if that doesn’t do it, then I may need to ask him to kick rocks. My name is on the lease, not his. I can’t imagine living 11 more months in this sort of environment.
eh…you shouldn’t have moved in with him. Whether you intended it or not, and I’m sure you didn’t intend it, he read your willingness to move in together as a “signal”. You have to start planning on your next move, out the door.