If most teabaggers are grayheads, are most grayheads teabaggers? Of *course *not. Thank you, Principles of Logic 101.
This doesn’t even begin to touch the fact that some people go gray before 30 and others don’t before well into their 60s. Also, hair dye.
I think the “peer pressure” observation may have a kernel of potential enlightenment, based on changes I’ve noticed in my mom - smart, charming, compassionate lady, age 62. Last spring, Mom moved back to our small hometown to help care for Grandmother. She has only a small social circle there - my Tea Party aunt and uncle, a crazy cousin, a small handful of old acquaintances. Two of Mom’s best friends have died since her move. Now, most of Mom’s social interactions are with people who see conspiracies in every dark corner. I’ve started receiving the e-mails with subject “FW: FW:FW: FW:FW: FW:FW: OBAMA IS A SECRET POOPYHEAD WHO KICKS MURKIN PUPPIES AND DOESN’T FLOSS!!!” I don’t know what to do about it, but it makes me sad, coming from the woman who taught me to always question authority, search for truth instead of blindly accepting someone else’s facts, and never blindly follow a crowd… I don’t think I’d call it peer pressure, but social isolation, maybe?
The Bible is your friend here. Point out to your dad the verses which explicitly states that no man can know the “hour or the day” when the Lord shall return and that there is no difference between “Gentile and Jew”.
I have this issue with one of my cousins. He is/was a regular Glen Beck fan. I finally got through to him when he was spouting some shinola about Obama and I told him "I’m not following your logic, but maybe if you drew a diagram on a chalkboard it would make sense.bWhile you are at it maybe you could explain why buying gold at two or more times market value is a good investment. " My cousin is a retired accountant and a conservative and very successful investor. He is really pretty bright, but grew up in Kansas, and I guess it has been like that for a while. To be fair I have a very open minded friend that is from Council Grove, but he left didn’t he.
Not quite the same, but a sort of variant; ignoring leading questions that required either agreement with a bigoted view (which I wasn’t prepared to endorse) or an argument with an elderly relative (in their house).
Stepmother (regarding adoption of a baby by celebrity gay couple): “Don’t you think it’s awful?!”
Apollyon: “They look incredibly happy”.
Stepmother: “But isn’t it ridiculous?!”
Apollyon: “What a lucky kid, he’ll have two parents who love him and they’re really rich”.
(It took a couple more iterations before she got the hint).
Hey, I couldn’t avoid the conversation, but damned if I was going to agree with her.
Which is actually far less important than the quality of the relationship. Any man can knock a girl up. Not every man has enough character to be worth knowing. If you wouldn’t put up with such behavior from a friend, there’s no reason to put up with it from a guy just because you share some genes. We’d all be a lot better off if people would stop excusing someone who treats others execrably by saying “but he’s family!” Well, so what? He’s still mistreating people.
No one’s saying it’s a decision to make lightly, but it’s a perfectly valid choice to preserve one’s own mental and emotional wellbeing. No one owes a family member (or anyone) so much as to require that you martyr yourself for him.
My brother-in-law is overly religious and bigoted. He also hates liberals, Democrats and marketers, all of which I am. He hates gays, which another sister is, and is constantly making snide comments about my family. Apparently, how America is going to hell in a handbasket because of liberals is his only topic of conversation.
My sister is able to tune it out, but it was really getting to me.
I finally had enough, and told my sister that it would be WW III on the next outburst. Normally, he would come pick me up at the airport, but I told her I didn’t want to be in the same car for 90 minutes with him, so I had her pick me up.
We avoided contact during my stay, but she was busy so he had to drop me off. My sister said that he wouldn’t say a word if I didn’t want to talk. We talked, and naturally he veered off into something I could tell was headed for more liberal bashing, I just shut that off.
I’d say you probably will have to let go of the idea that you can have a normal conversation about politics or religion. I’d try to shut down anything which is headed into territory you don’t like rather than ignore it, since ignoring bigoted comments will invite more. But I wouldn’t try to argue since you’ll never “win.” As others have suggested, letting him know you’re not happy without making a huge deal about it is fine, but if he persists, change the subject or leave the room.
If he’s interested in having a relationship with you, he can learn to control his comments and stay away from these areas.
What worked for me when my mother got older and my patience with her got shorter, was to just imagine when I was with her, how I would treat someone else’s mother and not mine. Family knows how to push all our buttons, so to speak. Friends or acquaintances, less so. We are less sensitive to them. So to desensitize myself, I’d just constantly act as if my mom was someone else’s mom. It helped put some distance between her and “my” buttons.
Maybe the same could work for you. If your dad starts pushing “your buttons” then alter your perspective and treat him as you would someone’ else’s father.
We tend be more civil and more tolerant with strangers than we are to our own family members, so capitalize on that frame of mind.
He’s your dad, right or wrong he will always be important to you. You will miss him when he is gone, so what to do?
It is hard to ignore the racism etc etc but try and concentrate on what you have in common. Do you barrack for the same footy team? Share a love of good movies? Enjoy hiking? Cooking? Whatever it is try and share these interests together, you will regret not sharing when he dies.
He sounds pissed at the world and a lecture from his son is not going to help but a hug and a reminder that he made a pretty cool son could be the antidote to his hate. Hey worked with my dad, he was still an old school grumpy bastard but he was my dad.
As I said before…scary. Wow.
Funny, as mine is an atheist and bigoted. He hates conservatives, Republicans, theists (mostly those evil ol Christians of course, who we all know are militant fundamentalists) and anything corporate. How America is going to hell in a handbasket because of them is HIS favorite topic. We should get these 2 rocket scientists together. 
I’ve seen this in younger people, too.
I once dated a girl who grew up a very normal Southern California teenager. Occasional drinking, casual drug use, casual sex, liberal attitudes, etc..
Then, around age 25, she moved to North Carolina to live with some family…some VERY religiously convervative family. They force her to go to church weekly, and she starts randomly throwing conservative religious/political observations into her conversation, almost out of the blue. It was interesting, and slightly creepy, to see the brainwashing take effect.
I also know a woman who married a man who looks EXACTLY like her dad. The similarity is so extreme that…well, it’s quite obvious that she married him for that reason, probably unconsciously. Before they married she was a pretty strongly liberal person, and pretty open about it. The man she married is a Baptist pastor, though, and now she ALSO randomly throws conservative religious/political observations into her conversations.
Sure it is, but it’s true, and frankly, all too common. If a guy isn’t contributing anything towards making a healthy and reciprocal relationship, the fact of his sperm donation some decades ago isn’t enough to make a one-sided relationship a tenable proposition. One-sided relationships are very UNhealthy, and pretty much doomed to fail anyway. Better to get out before it wrecks the person as well as the relationship.
Whether or not this even applies in this particular case, only the OP can decide. But if he wants a resolution to the problem, it is something he’s going to have to be very honest with himself about.
You have to wonder if the bigotry would just cancel itself out as it met its mirror image :D. They could build a campfire and sing Kumbaya together.