Help me write my outlandish xmas letter

Last year at about this time, there was a thread about suggestions for items to include in a way over the top x-mas letter. I looked for but could not find it again, so can’t cull it for more bits of fun.

So, other than building large flat rafts to save the polar bears in the arctic, and finding and re-burying Aztec gold in order to save it from the grave robbers…what else did my family and I do? :smiley: :cool:

Moved Cafe Society --> MPSIMS.

There was that little matter of the runaway balloon with your son/daughter/dog on board?

You found the cure for the common cold, but the realizing that it would put so many people and businesses out of work in these tough economic times, you immediately burned the secret formula.

I don’t know that I’d include that in an over the top Christmas letter…
OH.

Nevermind.
For the OP, didn’t Tiger Woods date one of your female relatives? :smiley:

Thought about including Mr. Woods, but I was still on the fence about whether to admit that he had gay sex with me. :smiley:

I usually visit Paris or some other exotic locale as part of my second job as secret agent. (I can’t say more than that.)

This year, I’ve received the Nobel Prize for Metrology.

That’s soooo weird. I received a Nobel Prize for thinking about possibly becoming the next Mother Theresa in the future. The committee says I’ve shown the right first steps (getting the white outfit) and they want to show their vote of confidence.

Be oblique. Just say that his wife chased you down the street brandishing a golf club.

Your Christmas lights have caused an East (West) coast brown out.

Your pet reindeer lead the shuttle to safety when their radar failed.

You qualifed for American Idol, but decided to drop out because you just couldn’t embarrass all the other contestants.

So far this year our operations have gone smoothly. No civilians have been killed and our work for our cause progresses. We expect to achieve our goal shortly.

Beyond that I can’t elaborate, but the revolutionary celebration party will be held on February 15. Be there or else.

OOOOooooh. Nobel Prize. I like that.
I won mine in Necromancy. But I had to ‘influence’ the committee a bit.

Not sure if I can use the Space Shuttle this year, since in last years letter my wife knitted a replacement heat shield for it. Out of fabric we invented.

Your biopic came out this year and was a summer blockbuster. Of course, they changed the names and made you naked and blue . . .

I perfected the martini but am keeping the recipe to myself as it is much too sophisticated for most plebian tastes.

Everyone in my neighborhood had an affair with Tiger Woods.

I was Optimus Prime ???

The celebration party will be you know where and you know when. Be there or suffer the consequences.
Oh! Yea. Yea yea

The family taught themselves to speak Mandarin ------ Orange

As a small part of your philanthropic activities, you donated fifty million dollars towards one of the new subway stations of the Spadina Line extension in Toronto. This got you naming rights, which you auctioned off. The auction was won by the youngest ever recipient of a double lung transplant, who tragically died the morning of the awards ceremony. As a result, the station will be known as Tyler Q. Higginbotham III Finch West Memorial Station.

I would mention how you captured Osama bin Laden and forced him to read the Dope for several weeks. As a result of our clear, intelligent discourse on the Dope, Osama renounced his Islamic fundamentalism and has now committed himself to logic and rational diplomacy. Of course, he can’t come out of hiding because he is now in fear for his life from his former terrorist cohorts.

How much “over the top”? Funny over the top, or just-believable-enough-that-some-of-your-less-intelligent-relatives-might-believe-it over the top?

Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen . . . but thanks for playing :slight_smile: