Last year at about this time, there was a thread about suggestions for items to include in a way over the top x-mas letter. I looked for but could not find it again, so can’t cull it for more bits of fun.
So, other than building large flat rafts to save the polar bears in the arctic, and finding and re-burying Aztec gold in order to save it from the grave robbers…what else did my family and I do?
You found the cure for the common cold, but the realizing that it would put so many people and businesses out of work in these tough economic times, you immediately burned the secret formula.
That’s soooo weird. I received a Nobel Prize for thinking about possibly becoming the next Mother Theresa in the future. The committee says I’ve shown the right first steps (getting the white outfit) and they want to show their vote of confidence.
So far this year our operations have gone smoothly. No civilians have been killed and our work for our cause progresses. We expect to achieve our goal shortly.
Beyond that I can’t elaborate, but the revolutionary celebration party will be held on February 15. Be there or else.
OOOOooooh. Nobel Prize. I like that.
I won mine in Necromancy. But I had to ‘influence’ the committee a bit.
Not sure if I can use the Space Shuttle this year, since in last years letter my wife knitted a replacement heat shield for it. Out of fabric we invented.
As a small part of your philanthropic activities, you donated fifty million dollars towards one of the new subway stations of the Spadina Line extension in Toronto. This got you naming rights, which you auctioned off. The auction was won by the youngest ever recipient of a double lung transplant, who tragically died the morning of the awards ceremony. As a result, the station will be known as Tyler Q. Higginbotham III Finch West Memorial Station.
I would mention how you captured Osama bin Laden and forced him to read the Dope for several weeks. As a result of our clear, intelligent discourse on the Dope, Osama renounced his Islamic fundamentalism and has now committed himself to logic and rational diplomacy. Of course, he can’t come out of hiding because he is now in fear for his life from his former terrorist cohorts.