I am not calling bullshit on anybody but I have read each and every thread and have to wonder what is going on.
Many helpful suggestions have been given and it seems (at least to me) that they are all ignored, passed over or a reason given why it won’t work.
It is very confusing to me, personally. Of course I have never been in a physically abusive relationship so maybe I’m talking out of my ass.
But, go back and read ALL the threads.
Maybe if someone could explain to me why the fact that you have appointments prevents you from using the telephone or going to a higher authority it would make more sense to me. I just am not getting it.
I hope acrossthesea does find some help one way or another but the cynical part of me is thinking there is way more to these stories than we are getting.
Damn, Jeanie Did I miss something? Hope I didn’t link anything that wasn’t helpful. If so, then I assure everyone it was unintentional, sorry.
I have been attempting to get a list of local Family Advocacy Programs in Japan. Here is the US Army website for the programs available. It offers counseling both therapeutic and legal. Services available, shelters, and other…
Spousal abuse is nothing to joke about. Nor should it be doubted when these claims are made. First priority is the safety of the injured person and then determine the extent of injury.
Sorry T-Keela that wasn’t directed at you at all. My position is to those others, if there is a 1% chance in your mind that this person is telling the truth about being abused then just leave it alone. I know a lot of people want to be defenders of the truth and be the first one to sniff out a lie on the message boards, but this is a serious damn subject and should be taken as such even if it would be interesting to prove that she was a liar. If you question her but have that 1% ignore it, it won’t kill you.
The thing is BBJ, is that the people on this board have been taken for an emotional ride more than a few times (I’ll refrain from specifics). I don’t know if this person is telling the truth or not, but there are some things in her stories that aren’t adding up.
Blame it on past trolls who used the board as a way to get sympathy, but I think it is pretty understandable that there are some of us who question the truth behind these stories.
Be that as it may, I agree with BBJ that we should assume the story is genuine. No, we have no way of verifying it, but if it’s true, our suggestions might make a difference. To me, that’s more important than spotting a potential troll, even if that has happened in the past.
Aries, people who are abused by their partners tend to be beat down mentally and emotionally as well. To the point where decisions and actions that seem like no-brainers to onlookers are tremendous upheavals to them. Maybe acrossthesea was already low on the self-esteem scale, and that’s why M picked her. Maybe she became that way after he conditioned her to be so. The bottom line is, it got to this point because every time he abused her, physically or otherwise, it took another little bit of her spirit. Now she’s about as low as she’s going to get (at least, I hope she won’t get much lower), and that’s why breaking the pattern of submission is so difficult.
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I understood the appointments/phone calls impasse to mean that because of the time difference, ats can’t call her family stateside immediately before or after her appointments, since they’ll be asleep. Of course, she could email them, or call them right now and tell them to be alert for a phone call at 2am their time. But she can’t see that. As for not going to a higher authority, well, M has also conditioned her to believe that the military has all the power and she has nothing. Again, it sounds “fantastic”, but to her, it’s just the way it is.
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And the abuse-survivor side of me is thinking that people who say “Well, in that situation, I’d…” aren’t the people who get into these kinds of situtations in the first place. Abusers don’t target people who they know won’t take it.
I can’t calla nd email as much as I’d like because I don’t have access to a computer or a phone 24/7 anymore. I have a phone card yes but indeed the time difference makes talking hard. Believe me I have been on the phone with people endlessly the last few days. The main issue is that they have been forcing us to move fast fast fast. I have been to family advocacy. I have been to the police. I have been everywhere except the legal office and only because their walk in hours are 2 hours a day, sometimes morning sometimes afternoon and they do not make appointments whatsoever. You must walk in to see them and the only times I could get in there are times I have been on the phone with my family (my main priority) or at family advocacy or mental health appointments. I’m only allowed in my house for 7 hours a day and when I’m here I’m supposed to be packing, but instead I use my time trying to get in touch with people when it’s evening in the states. Nighttime here is daytime there and everyone is at work. So these 7 hours which are business hours here (in other words, time I need to spend going to appointments, packing, trying to get to legal) are also the only times I can communicate with family. Emailing is not so good, I need to actually speak to them to make plans.
Anyone who doubts my story, I honestly do not care one way or the other. I know what has happened to me and could photograph my bruises for you if you dispute it, although its really not important to me whether you believe me or not. I’m obviously not a troll, I’ve been posting here about whatever for a year now. Not any fun time happy posts in the last week because I’m not at home hardly ever and do not get use the computer for leisure time when i can get to one. But whatever, I didnt post here to get sympathy I posted here just to have someone to communicate with. It helps to talk to people.
Anyway I’m moving to Kansas to live with my mother in law until I get a place of my own.
And I’ll say that acrossthesea’s IP address is one that lends credibility to this story; it is in all ways consistent with the details of her stated location.
See? This is the kind of thing that just doesn’t register for me. Again, I am not in a physically abusive relationship. However, I was in an extremely emotional and verbally abusive one and I know about being beat down and made to feel like you are nothing. I get that mentality, believe me.
If I was being hit, told I couldn’t go into my home, see my step-children, get to my belongings, that it was all my fault, etc. worrying about waking up my family stateside would be the farthest thing from my mind. I also just can’t see my friends or family telling me that I called too late or early and woke them up to discuss how I was being railroaded over in Japan and being upset about it.
I hope acrossthesea does find someone to help her and gets out of the situation she is in.
If she would let us know which base she is at or maybe her husband’s unit I know there are military dopers here who would be more than willing to file a complaint “on behalf of a friend” to try and assist her and get her the help she says she needs.
Why the heck are you moving in with your mother-in-law? What about your previously mentioned family who is your main priority? Why can’t you move in with them? Where is your mom and dad?
Also, why can’t you call your family when it’s night in Japan and daytime in the US? Why can’t you call your family when they’re at work? Why can’t they call you? I know if it were me, my mom would talk to me at work, talk to me in the middle of the night, talk to me anytime.
All I can say is, get yourself to the legal office any way you can. Schedule your other appointments during other times. I don’t see why this is proving so difficult for you.
My family is not in the best or most ideal situations. My Dad lives with his girlfriend and her famliy and they have no room for me. At all. Besides, they live in a place where there are very few job possibilities. They said if I was going to end up homeless they’d take me in somehow. My grandmother lives in NY and it was her I was going to stay with. But she is old and sickly and very, very anxiety-prone. Another relative lives there as well who would make the situation unsafe for me, for reasons I’m not going to get into. Other than that, I have no other family. My friends mostly all live with their parents still, in tiny urban apartments. M’s mother on the other hand, has an actual spare room and lives in a city where there’s jobs and cheap rent.
Most importantly, SHE DOES NOT CARE about problems between me and her son. He hasn’t told her everything, I’m sure, or maybe he has I don’t know. Supposedly her 1st husband (M’s father) was abusive to her too on at least one occasion. But anyway, she says any problems between me and him are my problems between me and him and she has no problem with me, who has been raising her grandchildren for the last 2 years. She has always liked me, she’s a nice woman, and I can understand why people who do not know me, her, or my family situation would doubt that its a good idea, but yes there actually ARE some genuinely nice people in this world.
I can’t call people when it’s night here and day in the US primarily because I’m at a hotel. Phone cards from here to there get expensive. Everyone’s working then, and it’s really just easier to get ahold of them when it’s evening over there and morning here and besides I’m at home then and can use our phone here.
I feel really bad for you. You are in a really bad situation. But you have to work as hard as you can to help yourself. You are the only one in control of you and your life. It seems you make an excuse for everything. Such as why you can’t call anyone at night. As far as I know, phone cards work day and night. And as far as I know, hotel phones work day and night. Or alternatively, can’t these people call you?
Can you tell us a little more about your background? How old are you? Where and how did you meet your husband? What is your job/career/profession/line of work? Did you go to college? What do you plan to do for work when you get back to the US? Where is your mother?
Also, you say you don’t think your husband hasn’t told his mother about the problems between you two. What have you told her? Hasn’t she asked why you are coming back to the US?
Also, where is your stepchildrens’ mother? Why does your husband have custody of them? How will he care for them when you are gone?
Lastly, when are you scheduled to leave Japan? How are you paying for the flight? Have you filed for divorce yet? You should talk to a lawyer ASAP, because you need to work out some alimony payments.
Please try as hard as you can to gather up your courage and take control of the situation. Don’t take any more bullshit. March into that legal office and demand to see someone. Don’t leave until you see someone. Type up an outline of your situation and pass it out at the legal office. Bring the document to your husband’s superiors and anyone else who can help you. **Go to the military police and file a charge for assault against your husband. **
Man, I don’t know. Even if your assessment of her is correct (and you probably reached this conclusion a while ago, before you were in crisis mode, right?), you’re gonna need someone to whom you can vent about M. Or someone from whom to get advice. Can you avoid talking to the person you live with about the most important thing in your life? I warn you, it will not be easy.
Or you will talk to her about it, in which case she may not remain impartial for long. She may have cultivated her indifference towards M’s piggish behavior by dint of not knowing about it. If she abruptly starts hearing accounts of what he’s really like, she may end up hating the messenger.
