I am so upset about this situation I haven’t a clue what to do. My best friend is getting married August 17 and moving to Florida. She and her fiance are part of our very close circle of friends. I will be her matron of honor, Mr. Jane a groomsman, Janette #1 a flower girl, and Janette #2 the “miniature bride” (a white trash tradition; don’t ask). It’s to be a realtively large affair, with each of them having six attendants. We are pulling this whole thing together in less than four weeks, as they had planned to elope originially.
A couple of weeks ago we had a lingerie shower for “Beaner”. She has requested no household shower, so another close friend and I are planning a novelty shower (adult toys, etc.) for her this Saturday. Her fiance Phil is to have his bachelor party tomorrow. It was planned while he was away at school, and his buddies (including Mr. Jane) discussed taking him to a strip club. Beaner, who is very close with Phil’s friends as well (actually, we are all good friends), indicated that she would be hurt and angry if he went to a club. For one thing, there are no classy or even CLEAN strip clubs here. The ones that open are constanly being shut down for violations of various kinds - there are still people in jail for “unnatural acts” onstage from one that was forced to close after a sting operation several years ago. For another, she doesn’t want him to do it and has asked him not to, which really is all that matters. He agreed not to, and said he didn’t want to in the first place. His friends agreed that they could have a nice time elsewhere, and Beaner thought the matter was settled. HOWEVER.
Mr. Jane confided to me today that he would not be attending the bachelor party. When I asked him why, he said that the other guys had decided to take Phil to the titty bar without telling him where they’re going beforehand. He said he didn’t want to catch any grief at home (and he would, too - not because I’m jealous of other women, either - we swing. I’m just not about to allow any of OUR money to be wasted in such a ridiculous fashion). So now I’ve spoken with Beaner’s & my other best buddy. We are planning to confront the ring leader of this little operation, and tell him that we will be forced to tell Beaner what’s going on if they go through with it. Part of me wants to wait and see if Phil will actually go through with it, and then tell her, or if he’ll call the whole thing off once he finds out where they’re taking him, or if he’ll just go and lie to Beaner about it. We haven’t said anything at all to her about it yet.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t in good conscience allow my whole family to participate in this wedding if Beaner’s being lied to by her future husband and her other friends. She told me just the other day that what she admired most about Phil were his morals and high standards. Ugh. On the other hand, I don’t want all of our other friends mad at me for telling her. I certainly don’t want to be responsible for this wedding being cancelled.
What would you do? I need help and advice as quickly as possible.