I have recently fallen off the wagon in a big way, at least as far as the drugging goes----drinking hasn’t become (as yet) a problem.
I recently, due to self pity, became so completely out of control that I acted out a suicide scenario and was Baker Acted into a treatment program. I’m out now but only on the condition that I participate in an out patient program, which I am doing. In addition, I am also attending both NA and AA meetings, both of which have been helpful in the past but don’t seem to be as effective now.
My drug(s) of choice remain prescription pain pills* and since I have a long standing history of migraine, they are not difficult to obtain. I have also been given Xanax 30 mg pills to take for anxiety and I don’t exactly dislike those things, either. What frightens me most is that I will soon be living alone; all my medications will be under my control, and I am now doubting my ability to resist temptation.
I need will power and I need practical suggestions as to coping; “practical” being experienced based rather than theoretical, if possible. Any and all suggestions will be gratefully accepted.
Guys, I’m really scared. I don’t want to die of an OD.
*I can’t handle self administered injections and some of the newer meds simply haven’t been effective. Since my migraines arrive fully developed while I am sleeping, blockers haven’t proven effective. I get no advance warning of an impending migraine.
Well perhaps you shoudn’t be in an outpatient program. The first choice is go back to your inpatient treatment program and see what they say.
Second is to go to the county you live in (if the USA) and look at their website. Do a Google search. Most counties have a public heath service and mental health is part of this.
Don’t forget things like Food Stamps. Often just applying for them and you will be required to either work or go to a government approved drug treatment program.
The Salvation Army is another excellent resource to tap. I’ve seen them do absolute miracles with people. OK they preach a bit, but they have saved lives.
If you’re afraid of living alone perhaps a roommate or some kind of halfway house can be found.
I would look into a halfway house and some kind of counseling to see if there are psychological motivations behind your addiction.
For the migraines, what all have you tried? Butterbur, coenzyme Q10, riboflavin, omega 3s and various other supplements might help. Sucks that you can’t use beta blockers because they occur in your sleep.
Can’t help with the addiction issue, but Louis have you asked your doc about the triptans that come in nasal form? No needles, no narcotics and you can use them when the headache is in full swing.
I don’t know much about this stuff, but I am aware of someone here who does. I PM’d that person a link to this thread. Afraid that’s about all I can do, other than to observe that you can beat this thing, if you want it bad enough. Parts of it will suck. You know that. One day at a time. Etc. Good luck.
AA is a waste of time and a religion. Having a God of one’s understanding. However, if someone has an actual God and religion, the group will frown on that. They will also tell you that if you leave the program, you will go back to drinking and using. That one is powerless (which is utter bullshit) that alcoholism and addiction are diseases. (double bullshit) Some will even claim that they are soooo close to finding the gene that causes addiction (they wont find it, because, again, it’s bullshit.)
I used to go to AA so I know. I remember one meeting where a young guy who was in the program had to go to the hospital for surgery and was afraid of using the painkillers because this will lead back to active usage. I told him to take the damn medication. That is what it’s there for. There is a difference between pain management and “copping a buzz”.
Have you considered marijuana as a substitute for pain pills? Many pain pills are addicting and were designed this way by pharmacutical companies just for that. My elderly mother takes Oxycotin for arthritis. I caution her to be careful because a lot of people are addicted to this substance and will have no problem knocking an old lady down for a fix. Most doctors are now the new drug dealers, dispensing this shit, but oh no, oh no if someone wants to spark up a joint to solve the same problem.
Yeah dude, don’t go back to AA. They will screw your brain up more than it already is.
They have a new surgery that gets rid of migraines. It is called Occipital Neuromodulation. If your migraines are that bad and you don’t mind having a device implanted in your body it takes away migraines completely. They do the surgery in the US. Google it or look it up on UTube. Good Luck.
The first thing to do is not panic about falling off the wagon.
Sometimes you don’t even know why to fell off the wagon, or you may be avoiding the real reasons.
You will probably already know, that this is not at all unusual, and some counsellors will even say that it is part of the process.
You have a job to do, some days it goes well, other days its hard, and sometimes you go backwards, but you need all these experiences to achieve your goal.
Every experience, positive or negative is moving you toward what you want to do, its mainly of question of being sure of what that is. I know it may seem stupid, but only you can truly decide, and only you can make yourself ready.
What can I say but wish you well, and be at peace with yourself.
IAAMD who treats migraines in patients with addictions, and who also has a boatload of training in addiction medicine.
If your doctor is managing your migraines with opiates, you need a new doctor. Opiates are not considered appropriate treatment for chronic migraine management. Especially in patients with a history of addiction/abuse problems.
Likewise, xanax is a poor choice for patients with both anxiety and a history of addiction.
It would be a poor choice to add alcohol into the mix, also. Outcomes tend get worse than they already are when alcohol is added.
Marijuana will make things worse, too.
So work with your doc to get onto a xanax taper, get a doc who’ll treat your migraines without opiates, sedatives, muscle relaxers, or benzos.
Mutual support groups like AA and NA tend to be less effective if the person is still on drugs like the ones you describe.
Get a list of phone numbers at a meeting, and call these folks when you’re stressed out. They know what it’s like to be where you’re at. You’ve got a peer group out there. Use them.
Consider further inpatient treatment if possible. If that’s not possible, spend a lot of time with your peers (the clean and sober ones, that is). Either in person or via phone.
I’m sorry to hear that you are having troubles, LouisB.
I agree with QtM, opiates are not the thing you need to be using to manage your migraines. I hope that you will be able to get your doctor to listen to you about this, or find another doctor. I know how difficult that is in certain communities. There are some excellent suggestions upthread about different treatments.
For the addiction part, to me the pill addiction is not the same as the drinking, but everyone is different. You know yourself well enough, I think, to know what works for the drinking one already. I think QtM has the right idea, get some contact information for the AA and NA folks and call on them. Have someone you can call when you get bad ideas.
I have a few other thoughts but it’s probably best for you to PM if you feel like it, rather than talking about it here.
Captain Midnight: just because AA doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean that it won’t work for someone else. We are all different and our addictions are different. I think the general consensus is to try different things and stick with what works, whatever that happens to be. There is no program which is “one size fits all”.
Whatever your drug of choice, at first you need to have a supply to turn to should your will crumble. The trick then is to find anything at all to do that can take your mind off your stash, and just see how long you can cope without. If you can’t do without, treat yourself to half of what you’d normally have.
If you fail at first, try again when you feel a bit more positive. Nothing ventured, nothing gained n that.
ps. Marijuana might make things worse, and it might not. It’s something to consider.
Per QtM it sounds like you really need a new doctor. Throwing Oxy at you really does not sound all that effective or professional given the range of treatments out there. Re the drinking and drugging this is your real issue as pepole can (and do) die like files from double dipping like this. There are lots of new and more effective treatments for migraines than simply socking them with opiates.
Once strong opiates become part of your everyday existence it’s hard to make good decisions. Stepping out of your current oxy soaked perspective will make the landscape a lot clearer and you will be less suicidal.
Louis, I don’t have much to add, except that you need to know that it’s possible to feel completely normal - to feel great, even. (And no, I don’t recommend taking a bunch of prednisone to achieve that feeling!) It’s possible to get through this. You’re treatable.
Goodluck.
Am I the only one who sees this as blatant trolling and/or being a jerk/asshole???
ETA—Louis, please ignore Ivan, just as anyone with any sense does, and I wish you the best with your rough patch—Things sound like they can only get better from here, so hopefully you will be in a better space soon…
Further inpatient treatment isn’t possible at this point but I’ve signed up for a PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) six hours per day, five days per week. It will consist of therapy/educational group meetings with different counselors on a wide range of subjects, with one on one meetings with my doctor three times per week. This is the same doctor who saw me while I was locked down; a major prolem is the doctor is not a native English speaker so there are communication issues. Plus, I wondered about the choice of medication----I think I’ll see about switching doctors. On your recommendation, I’ll forgo, for now, AA or NA meetings. Incidentally, the Xanax is prescribed specifically for anxiety, to be taken as needed once daily. And the dose is 1.0 mg rather than the 30 I claimed earlier; I confused Xanax with another medication. I have NO intention of using marijuana or alcohol, even though I do fear the latter. I hadn’t even considered the former.
On another note, I was on a very effective anti depression medicinal regimen; naturally they had to screw around with it and I’m already feeling the results of the change.
I don’t want to go to prison, but I would like to have you as my doctor----can we work something out? Like maybe I could be a part-time prisoner?
Thanks to all who responded. A lot of problems have come into my life lately and I basically just felt sorry for myself. I’m already feeling better and will investigate the suggestions given above, except for a couple that make as much sense as my play like suicide. In fact, they make less sense than that.
