Just wait until they give you a fistula, like mine did.
Kid, think fiber, fiber fiber. Dietary fiber will ease your burdens. And stay the hell away from over the counter stuff with Witch-hazel. Trust me, I been there, and you’ll regret it in the long run.
I’ve spent time over the last year occasionally dealing with My First Hemorrhoid. It took some time to figure out what was going on because it just wasn’t getting better. What I learned for me:
The wet wipe things (charmin, specifically for me) don’t help. In fact, they made things worse.
Having to wait to poop is a Bad Thing for me. When I need to poop, I go (assuming, of course, that I’m somewhere with facilities)
Cold and Advil when necessary - once I tried the cold, Advil use became much less often.
Now, I go with lots of fiber, lots of water and I make sure I exercise because it does help, and it seems to be under control, at least lately. The fiber increase seemed to make things worse for a little while, but now it’s much better.
On the other hand, if he painted it blue & touched his toes, he wouldn’t have to buy one of those foam “we’re number one” fingers all season. 
LMAO Count. You are sick. I like that.
Well since we’re doing jokes…
A guy walks into the doctor’s office with a scorching case of hemorrhoids.
The doctor examines him, gives him a handful of suppositories and tells him to take these and if he’s not better after a week, he should come back in.
A week passes by and the guy is back in the doctor’s office. He says to the doctor, “Not only are the hemorrhoids still there, this is the worst tasting medication I’ve ever had.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “You do realize suppositories are not meant to be swallowed.”
And the guy says to the doctor, “What do you want me to do? Shove them up my ass?”
Don’t forget to tip your servers!
Ive heard or read somewhere that hemmoroids are primarily a Western phenomenon because its healthier to squat than to sit when doing a #2 (ie we might laugh at traditional Chinese toilets, but you dont see very many Chinese bow-legged and gritting their teeth in pain when they walk)
I get them from time to time and they can be Very Annoying! I’ve always “ridden them out,” as opposed to going to a Dr.. Sometimes it takes a couple of days, and other times they’ve lasted a couple of weeks. Whenever they happen, I take a lot of sitz baths, followed by drying off completely and then applying a wad of toilet paper soaked with witch hazel for about 10-15 minutes, and then drying off completely again. I eat a lot of high fiber foods during an onset, and avoid fat, especially red meat, and try not to overindulge in alcohol. If you google “hemorrhoid diet” you get great information on this. The beauty of google is that I don’t have to memorize it, but just go back and re-google it. It’s a good idea to always eat a lot of fiber; I’ve been pretty vigilant about this, and maybe there’s a causality, not sure, but I haven’t seen the big H in a while! Knock on Wood. Good luck!
That’s where they work it out with a slide rule.
Whereas at math stool they work it out with a pencil.
Or, in extreme cases, use natural logs. :eek:
What do they do at a chemistry stool? Or an electrical engineering stool?
I am intrigued. What kind do you have? How much did it cost? Is it something you can install on a toilet in an apartment so it can be uninstalled without damaging anything?
Burn it out with acid?
I’ve been getting them for about 16 years now (I’m in my late 30’s) and let me just concur that getting the fuckers ectomied resulted in the most agonizing, degrading experience of my life. Thankfully for me (and the wife - 7 months pregnant with twins at the time) the recovery only took about two weeks with some TMI side issues continuing for months (and in one case to the present three years later.)
At the first sight of them you should declare total war and accept nothing but unconditional surrender.
This kind- about $40.
Yes. Use teflon tape to prevent leaks.
Currently?
If they conduct a continuous load, discharge is certain…but they should watch for arcing. As for removing a joule… ohm… ground the base & complete the circuit? Resistance should be nominal (and futile).
Still, I’d recommend insulation in case of a corona discharge…
Kinky!!!
How do you know how that feels?
… then again, do I really want or need to know this?
Wait…! I forgot something very important. You need to be absolutely positive that there isn’t a transformer***** installed by that joule or there could be an explosion.
***** Transformer: robot in dis guy…
While I can’t find an exact video, this is about as close as I could find…
“…energy output zero…radiation level…normal…”
Gah. I had a thrombosed 'roid and like a sap I went to my family doc. Of course, getting an appointment to him took three days. He then set me up with a surgical specialist. Another two-three weeks went by.
By that time, the damn thing had burst on its own and disappeared. Of course, I had all the fun of a week or more of agony and two completely useless wastes of time for all involved.
Next time, I’m off to emerge first thing.
