It turns out I have a hemorrhoid on my butthole and the fiery little hell demon Bastard is killing me. What can I do to make this horrible little cocksucker fuck off and go back to hell where it came from
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One word: witchhazel
One additional word: topically.
Yet another additional word (or three): on yer’ arsehole.
Had one about eight years ago, and another a year after that. Each disappeared on its own without special treatment over the course of maybe ten days. Don’t know what caused them, but I haven’t had any before or since.
Rrhoid Rage!!! ™
Some things that help-
Avoid constipation at all costs.
Encourage soft stool, so high fiber (whloe grains, fruits with skins) and lots of liquids. Use constipation meds if needed. Stay regular.
Cleanliness- to avoid irritation by using wipes, water, or whatever suits you after stooling. Any tiny bit of stool will irritate the area. Hemorrhoids can trap tiny bits of stool in the area due to their shape and tenderness.
Topical meds- witch hazel was mentioned above is OK (I never found it particularly helpful, myself), but also things like baby oil gel, hydrocortizone creams- any of the over-the-counter hemorrhoid treatments.
If your hemorrhoid is just swollen, you can also use Motrin or Tylenol (no aspirin!)- any of the over-the-counter pain killers that also have anti-inflammatory properties- for discomfort.
If your hemorrhoid is thrombosed (has a blood clot in it) it will be hot, hard, red or purple (inflamed looking) and very painful. It may need to be incised and expressed (drained) by a doctor. This procedure is accompanied by a lidocaine shot in the area, so you will get immediate relief from the pain.
Why no aspirin?
Hey, does that thing have a Hemi in it?
I thought that this was whatPreparation Hwas for, but now I see that it is also used for “other” things so I can see the confusion. Do I put it on my ass, my abs or my face? Or should I just bath in it?
You can always just push it back in:
They usually recede into the rectum on their own; if they don’t, they can be gently pushed back into place.
:eek:
Yes, after you shit too hard you have to push them back inside.
Or: you can shit really, really hard and turn yourself completely inside out, then do it again at your next BM. On days when you’re inside-out, you can swim to give yourself a full cleansing, or do like a dry rub with essential herbs.
It’s an inflammation, and aspirin isn’t an anti-inflammatory.
It is classified as a NSAID. Are there two meanings for anti-inflammatory?
…when he’s out for a walk, do cars stop thinking he’s hitch-hiking?
If aspirin is avoided it is likely due to its effects on coagulation.
I too have had problems in this area. What was said previously about avoiding constipation is good advice. Someting I have found to be VERY effective that no one else has mentioned is taking a pine bark extract supplement such as this one:
If I do get some irritation, taking one of these capsules (orally) will releave the pain. Take them daily as a preventative.
BTW, eating watermelon two or three times a day makes a good stool softener.
Here is a cite on the pine bark:
It sounds like a thrombosed hemmorhoid. Gently try to push it back in. If it doesn’t resolve itself in a few days, see a doctor, it might have to be surgically addresses (minor) – I had one done, and it never recurred. George Brett missed a World Series game with one.