And tomorrow I’ll be sober.
7b) And when you talk to your buddies about your latest aggravated assault arrest, please do it somewhat quietly, so the rest of us can at least pretend we’re traveling home with normal citizens of society.
Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
To the turd sitting behind me,
Hello. I can hear your stupid annoying music through your ear phones and it is really loud.
Oh please no, don’t rap along! It doesn’t make you cool.
Also, the incessant gum smacking is making you a bigger douche than you already are!
This is when you activate the recording feature of your phone and send it anonymously to YouTube.
No…they were with Mexicans. 
Please note: The job of the person driving this particular bus is to know this bus route and to get the passengers to their destinations at the appointed time. It is NOT to know every single bus route and the times at which every single bus comes. So stop flagging down the bus to ask about another bus.
There’s an app for that.
One exception: some people have a definite preference to which direction they want to face when traveling.
I assume you meant to add, “unless the next stop is your stop.”
I have been confused by this, especially as I am pretty sure it is different in different parts of the world. Is it “stand on the right, walk on the left” or “stand on the left, walk on the right”? I think it’s the first one in areas of the world where you drive on the right side of the road, and the second one where you drive on the left (i.e. the “fast lane” for driving is also the “fast side” for escalators).
Your bag should never be on a seat - what if somebody comes walking by, looking for a seat? This especially applies when pulling into a station.
One kinda sorta exception: if your bag is a piece of luggage (hey, if they want to put a subway station at the airport, and it’s a choice between (a) a $10 subway ride, (b) a $150 taxi, and (c) $150 in long-term parking charges, what do you expect?), and the “seat” is part of the area reserved for wheelchairs. Needless to say, if somebody in a wheelchair comes by, that bag had better be in your lap.
Here aare a couple of mine:
If someone is sitting between you and the aisle, do not wait until the bus/train stops at your stop before trying to get out; tell the person next to you that the next stop is yours, so they can get up and you can get out in plenty of time.
Before trying to board, let people trying to get off the bus/train get off. On a bus, that’s just common sense, since there’s only one aisle, and you’re not going anywhere until they get off; for that matter, the bus isn’t going anywhere until you get on.
Never use transit without your personal force-field batteries fully charged. Bedbugs.
I spent a decent amount of time in the LA Metro last week and it was horrible. People stand there like lumps and block all the escalators, they don’t wait for others to exit the train before getting on, most of the stations are filthy and smell like piss, there are panhandlers in the train cars, the trains only run every 10 minutes during rush hour, the stops are 5 minutes apart, etc. Downright uncivilized. I would say it’s no wonder everyone drives, but the roads are awful, too.
I remember well when the first beautiful girl sat next to me on the Metro when there were other options available, then I realized I had become the older “safe” guy to choose.
The first beautiful girl would be old, too, at least 40,000 years — though remarkably well preserved.
Alas, ignoring her rescuers for her dead mother’s ghost proves she’s nuts, too.
I can get this. The sideways facing seats kill me. I just threw that rule in due to the uncanny insistence of the elderly to skip over entire empty rows to sit next to me.
Huh. I never thought of the relationship to which side of the road we drive on. In these parts we drive on the right side of the road, pass in the left lane, and consistent with that, on escalators and those moving platforms at the airport, stand to the right, walk left.
New Rule 1: Do not smell like whatever that one guy smelled like on the train yesterday. I’m not usually one to whine about smelly people on public transit in big, dirty cities, but this guy took the cake and apparently shat on it. It was so bad that it couldn’t be escaped. I moved to the other side of the railcar in a futile attempt to get away, and when I could still smell traces of the odor, became paranoid that his stench was clinging to my hair and clothing. When I exited the train I realized the good news that his smell had not clung to me, but the bad that his smell was somehow just that pervasive. The worst part is the stench was indescribable. It wasn’t the unwashed funk that we’ve all smelled before, and was something I can’t even conjure up words for. It was… I dunno, putrid? That still doesn’t describe it. Well whatever it was, Rule 1 is don’t smell like that.
I assumed that, but in the london underground it’s “stand on the right” and I seem to recall that was just because it happened to be used in the first safety video, or something like that, mostly coincidence. But anyway, don’t go to great effort to REMEMBER which way it is: there’s signs every five feet down the escalators, just do what it says on the signs!
I’ve no idea if there’s an international standard, it seems Americans also stand on the right, which makes sense from a same-as-driving perspective. I think many countries say to walk on the same side as you drive? Although I was always taught that if you’re walking on a road, you should walk on the opposite side, since you’re not dodging other pedestrians, you’re dodging cars, and your walking speed is basically irrelevant so going the same way doesn’t help, but going the other way you can see them coming and know when to step into the verge.
Do you remember that episode of “Seinfeld” and the smelly guy? It sounds like it was like that - The Smell That Took Over the World!
Another subway push. This time in Russia. (Excellent video.)
Oh, those Russians.
And when I do say, “excuse me, I’m getting off next,” stand up and let me by. Do not do the “squoosh over slightly” move to make me walk over you. Because I *will *“accidentally” step on your feet and elbow you hard in the nose.
If you want to get off the train raise your carcass from the seat in time and get off together with everybody else. Don’t wait until people have begun to enter.