Mrs. AG & I paid for our wedding ourselves, so we did what we want, included or omitted as we saw fit, and have gotten nothing but compliments even years later.
First of all, dump the caterer if you can’t taste their food. We had a serve-yourself buffet with a healthy variety, so that omitted a chunk of service staff, RSVPing entree choices, wasted food, etc.
I would think twice about having friends assume some of the really big tasks (catering, photography), because if they’ve never done a wedding before, they can easily underestimate what’s in store for them. A professional photographer is worth the money if those pictures are important enough to you–a friend-cum-amateur will never be able to replace that moment if something goes wrong. Just be sure to stand up to the pro and tell them what you do and don’t want–just cause everybody does it (these poses, these settings, etc.) doesn’t mean you have to.
My wife has catered weddings before (I guess I did too, in a non-cooking capacity), so I know it can go really well, but only if they have a strong game plan, are used to cooking for a lot of people, can work with limited resources, and are not overly-ambitious. Just “throwing a meal together” is not nearly as easy as it sounds (although you’re guest list is smaller, so that helps) unless you don’t mind it looking & tasting like it was thrown together.
I think one of the most worthless traditions is wedding favors since most of them are junky. Personalized matchbooks, candy, little decorative items? People will lose or toss them soon afterwards–why bother? That is, unless you come up with something unique and inventive that people will definitely use & revisit. Instead of spending money on a DJ, we bought a CD recorder and recorded all our reception music, both background and dancing. Just pop in one CD and you’re set for an hour (a lot of reception halls have sound systems already set up because of the business they get). My wife and I recorded extra CDs for every couple as our favors. The CDs were dirt cheap and we know our friends still keep and play them years later.
I think if you make the ceremony memorable (we had everyone sing a hymn together instead of soloists), personalize some of the details (we had a memory book of pictures when she and I were kids that circulated around), and didn’t sweat the details if something didn’t go just right, people are going to walk away with a real positive experience without it having to cost a ton.
Oh, also, have you tried a consignment store for your dress? You’d be surprised the deals you can get that still look really nice. The alterations for my wife’s dress cost more than the dress itself.
There’s one in Seattle? I’ve been to the one in Portland, OR (and trust me, nobody wants to get married there)