Here comes the bride, broke and broken

Another voice for elopement. One Friday lunchtime, we got our license, went to a notary, then drove thru McD’s before going back to work. Told his folks the next day and mine 2 weeks later when we visited them. It’s been 18 years. I never regretted not having a wedding.

We had a reaffirmation of vows ceremony for our 6th anniversary, with a party after. Beyond that, we pretty much don’t even make a big deal about our anniversaries. Maybe for the 20th… maybe not…

Go to Michael’s or other craft stores and see what neat ideas you can come up with for decorations.

Take the flowers from the church(?) and use them at the reception.

Don’t hire a professional photographer. Give each of your guests one of those disposable cameras and ask them to take pictures.

You can get wedding dresses on consignment or rent them. Much cheaper.

I think we women have a tendency to make everything special on this day, since it is so important. Therefore, the old bras and slips just won’t do…it has to be new and lacy.

Shoes…I think any nice shoe will do fine.

Depending on when your wedding is, you may not have to serve a full-fledged dinner. Heavy appetizers might to just as well.

Forgot to mention a few things:

Pictures: For the portraits, we set up a tripod and backdrop in our (large) bedroom one weekend and shot about five rolls of film. Took as many costume changes as we wanted. Even had a few with the guinea pig in them! Picked out the best ones and passed around an envelope at dinner so people could request the reprints they wanted. I used to have them in an album, but that somehow got dismantled. We do, however, have THE best one framed in the front hallway.

Bridesmaid: I took my friend shopping one weekend, planning to buy her a new dress of her choice for the wedding. But she couldn’t find one she liked, so she just wore a very nice dress that she already had.

Alright! Another imminent bride stepping in (I so envy your situation, featherlou… I’m planning the whole wedding from another country!)

I wish I could do more of it myself. Well, I’m being an idiot and sacrificing so that my family will be able to attend (large, extended family - after the wedding I won’t be seeing most of them for 5 years, at least) so it is making the wedding very difficult as well as EXPENSIVE. I have finally broken on the cake - we’re going to buy from some party store, or grocery, or SOMETHING. The cake bakers I called wanted to charge 300 dollars USD for a cake for 75 - I’m sure it was a perfectly lovely cake, but JESUS! THat’s WITHOUT the extra 300 for the white chocolate roses on it! !!! cries

BNB, I agree on the bridesmaid’s dresses - however, my girls have agreed to pay (I told them I would put 50 down on each of them) I won’t collect if they can’t afford it. We’re all broke 21-year olds, and one of them has a baby. Also, they WILL be able to wear these dresses again - 2 piece formals. Perfect for other people’s weddings. :wink:

I just want to say the vows and get down to eating some good food and living somewhere WARM… damn laws… immigration and all that crap… grrr… I’m a tad stressed out.

Where’s GingeroftheNorth? Wonder if she’s having fun planning her own yet? snigger

Brides of the SDMB … elope! (laws in your country of residence may vary. Please check with your clergyperson or legal representitive before making any life-altering decisions)

I made all the food for my wedding, including the wedding cake.

It took me three days before hand to do it, but I pulled off food for twenty-five, with left overs for a week for $250. It can be done.

after 5 times a bridesmaid and once a maid of honor, I was too broke to afford to put much toward my own wedding. :wink:

We got married in front of my in-law’s fireplace with about 60 people in attendance (standing room only but still nice) by a Justice of the Peace. We were extremely lucky for a few things: my sister-in-law is a hair stylist, my mother-in-law can cook for 90 and not break a sweat (plus she prefers her own cooking - the woman is hard to please) and my own parents really pushed the idea of ‘using that money for a down payment instead.’ The idea looked better after every phone call. (You would understand.) Since we were getting out of the whole thing amazingly cheap, we did splurge on a few things like the flowers and the champagne, the appetizers…this sounds corny but keeping the occasion simple leaves you a lot of room to really personalize it just by focusing on a few things. It was actually fun. The guests had a blast. The preliminaries that we did when thinking of a regular wedding were most definitely not fun, and I’m not sure that they would have guaranteed everyone having a good time. It’s an iffy thing.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

The second time my dad got married, he and my (now stepmother) went to Vegas and looked for the cheesiest chapel they could find.

The only person they told beforehand was my stepmother’s sister (not even me! I was off visiting my mom). They had a reception at our house about a month afterwards.

They’ve been married for over 10 years, which is over twice as long as when he was married to my mom.

Speaking cost-wise, I don’t think my dad would mind if I did something similar. But I don’t expect my parents to pay for my wedding–I’m paying my way through college, why should a wedding be any different?

You know, featherlou, I think the trick is to make a few things so neat and distinctive that guests say “Wonderful, I wish I thought of that” instead of “wow, this is what the cheap version of a wedding looks like.”

It’s your wedding, you can have whatever you want.

When we started planning our wedding, the friend my wife selected as maid of honor was always telling her that. My wife decided that her “entourage” would wear blue dresses - a decision primarily made because she knew that two of her bridesmaids already owned blue dresses which were perfectly suitable for a wedding.
So guess who complained (politely) about having to wear a blue dress?

Ever since, whenever the subject of wedding planning comes up, one of us always quotes the above phrase.

So, whenever someone says anything about some decision you’ve made regarding the wedding, just smile sweetly and say (either aloud or to yourself) “It’s my wedding, and I can do whatever I want.”

Muttering “so f*ck off” to yourself is optional. :wink:

BTW, congratulations and good luck.

My wedding.

Dress: Borrowed from now sister in law. Believe it or not it looked like a totally different dress on me since we have different hair color and complexions and have slightly different builds.
IMHO I looked better in it. :smiley:
Flowers: My manager at Pizza Hut made mine and hubbies. My mother picked up small arrangement for my maid of honor and something for the best man.
Church: Did it right on the front lawn of my mothers apartment complex.
No rehersal dinner. Minister gave us a quick run through five minutes before hand.
Minister: Friend of the family so it was only a small donation and an invite back to my trailer for some munchies.
Reception: Got some lunch meat from the deli and made potato salad, coleslaw and such for the older guests and children and then later that night the adults went out to the bar that hubby and I met at.
Cake: Also made by a friend of the family. I think we paid about $35 for it and it was beautiful. Made the cream cheese mints myself.
Hair and Make-up: My old roomate had just graduated cosmetology school so she helped me.
Tuxes and bridesmaids: They just wore nice dress clothes.
Honeymoon: Real one yet to come, but we got the trailer all to ourselves for a whole weekend without children.
Not that it did alot of good since hubby drank so much at the reception he stayed in bed all weekend.

I think what helped us the most was the fact that we through it all together in less then a month and had no time to think about it or worry.

"It’s your wedding, you can have whatever you want"

so long as the bride is paying for it, I see no problem with this.
if the bride says:

here you go. wear this gold lame dress with an avocado/bumble bee/wigwam print. It also has a matching checkerboard purse and a 4’ hot pink fringed bolero. Here are cowboy boots to match!I think its beauuuuuuuuuuuuutiful! Don’t you?!!
I have paid for it, all you need to do is pick it up and alter it as needed.

then I think it’s fine.

I don’t suggest the bridesmaids should complain of the dress itself. it is, after all, it IS the bride’s wedding. Said dress should be worn with a smile, even if its a fake one.
however,
a LOT of brides do this:

I want you to wear THIS specific dress (250 dollars)
with THESE shoes (50 dollars)
with THIS purse (20 dollars)
and THIS shawl (80 dollars)
and THIS hairdo (75 dollars)
with THIS necklace (25 dollars)

and so on…

and if the bridesmaid lives out of state then its an additional travel expense, hotel expense and gift expense, too.

Sometimes people are put into postions where they can’t really say no and are out 400 bucks or more. that is what I find to be tacky. Or saddly, someone dear may be forced to say no to being in the wedding party because they simply can’t afford it.

My mom is a florist/cake decorator. ONE of the reasons, in all fairness to those working in the industry, that bridal stuff is so much more expensive is because brides (and their moms) can be notorioulsy difficult to work with. My mom has stories about Brides that will curl your toes! So, while you may be an easy going bride, there are MANY more out there that aren’t. You are paying extra $$ because of them.

this is of course not saying that there aren’t some people out there that will purposely rip you off. They are out there. I am just trying to explain another side that you may not be aware of.

That is exactly what I’m afraid people will think, since I already have a reputation for being cheap. Fortunately, I also have a reputation for not caring what other people think. I just have to remember that if I truly cared how fancy my wedding was, I would be planning a completely different wedding.

(In my own defense regarding the bridesmaids, I think they made out pretty well. I found a couple of gorgeous dresses at Sears during their after-Christmas sale, so they were both able to get a lovely navy blue dress for $60 {half-price}, which my sister has already worn to a company function. They can wear any shoes they want, any jewellery they want; they will probably co-ordinate with each other, but I really don’t care. They’re beautiful women, and they will look good whatever they choose.)

This is so true. I actually had a relatively expensive wedding by the standards of this thread, with a fair number of the “traditional” items. But what everyone remembers are the nontraditional stuff that we did to make it more fun for everyone. Some of them saved money; honestly, I think more of them cost money, since they were additions rather than replacements. But they were the right things for our wedding.

The whole thing was at a beautiful outdoor location. We had a “reception” before the wedding, as well as after - continental breakfast food while the wedding party, family, etc. did photos beforehand, then buffet lunch and dancing after the ceremony. Guests were welcome to stand behind the photographer and take their own posed shots, too. During the breakfast (and through the whole wedding), we had a display of wedding photos of all of our parents, grandparents, and as many earlier generations as we could locate, with stories about their weddings and their marriages. We assigned a few friends and family members to circulate and try to introduce people to each other so our families would actually meet each other.

We also had something that I would encourage anyone who can to emulate - we got a very nice photo of the two of us taken before the wedding, and had a 12x18 (I think - big, anyway) framed with matting about 6 inches wide. We got everyone who attended the wedding (about 70 people) to sign the matting (most wrote some kind of good wishes as well), instead of having a guest book. That photo is probably our single most treasured possession, and it hangs in our living room so we can see it every day and share it with others. (This would probably also be a great thing to do if you elope and throw a party afterwards. You could use a photo from the actual wedding then).

We were married by my “other father,” a dear family friend. (He paid $20 to become a “deputy commissioner of marriages” for the day, which anyone can do in California). He is Hawaiian, and his mother made and sent to him an exquisite maile lei. (I don’t know much about the symbolism of this, but I know that it can only be worn at very important occasions, and that many people go their whole lives without being “entitled” to wear one. It’s a long strand (not a circle) of green leaves).

If it wasn’t either in the ceremony or necessary for the guests to have fun, I didn’t sweat it much. I told the florist to pick out something in season and “make it pretty,” and I got tons of compliments on the flowers. I didn’t taste the food beforehand - the place we were holding it at had an on-site caterer, and I didn’t think they’d still be in business if the food wasn’t good. We gave the DJ a representative list of songs we liked, and told him to play whatever else he thought we would like - great music. We did have traditional clothes, but that was because we like them and wanted them, not because we were “supposed” to have them. I had my hair done because I find it difficult to do myself, but I did my own makeup and that of the bridesmaids. White flats from Payless Shoe Source.

The best part of all is that I remember the whole wedding, and I had fun all the way through (as did everyone else!). So many brides obsess over details and then aren’t even “present” at their own event.

I have to wholeheartedly agree with the people who say “beware the wedding industry” It is a multi-billion dollar business that relies on the fact that many brides and grooms are so stressed that they make easy marks. The mere mention of the word “wedding” makes them see dollar signs. Do not forget that these people need you more than you need them - do not take their grief. That having been said, do appreciate the people who go above and beyond to help out. I say this as my mom is a wedding hostess at her church and works her butt off for the minimal $50.00 stipend that she gets. She’s not looking for more money, but is grateful when her efforts are appreciated.

Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for help. You want to have favors for your guests (for example)? Get some candy (on sale) and have the gang over for the evening for drinks while you wrap the candies in lace you got on sale from the local craft store. I also suggest going down to your local library. There a couple of books out there that have low cost alternatives for weddings. I don’t know the names of the books, but one of the librarians will be happy to help you find them (and probably won’t charge you for the help).

And I would like to pass on the best piece of advice that I heard to try to keep it all in perspective: If everything goes wrong but at the end of the day you have gotten married to the person you love, it’s been a good day.

I’ve been thinking about this all day…

featherlou–I think there is a point in any wedding planning where everything seems like more trouble than it’s worth. You have all the thorny details to work out, all the checks to write, all the decisions to make. It’s all pay-out with none of the pay-off. All you want to do is run off to Tahiti and elope. (my best friend is at this point in her wedding planning. I remember it well, myself.)

A month or so before the wedding, though, the payoff will start to come. The details will have gelled. Your friends and family will give you their travel details. The invitations will finally be out, and you’ll be getting enthusiastic responses. All of a sudden, the wedding will stop seeming like an amorphous pain in the butt, and start being something concrete–something you can really look forward to.

Then on your wedding day itself, the ultimate payoff will come–you will finally get to marry your sweetie! And then you will get to celebrate with your friends and family. You’ll be amazed at the love and good wishes that will come pouring toward you. You’ll find out just how important you are to everyone.

Your heart is totally in the right place, and everything will work out wonderfully. Hang in there, and soon enough, things will get better. It’s worth it in the end.

Now, go give your man a hug and a kiss. :slight_smile:

One more piece of advice. When my best friend got married, the wedding itself was where she lived on a Wednesday at the courthouse, the reception on the Saturday following about 250 miles away where both families lived. For the flowers for the wedding, we spent about $30 US on roses etc. at the grocery store. For the reception, she, her mother, and I spent about $50 with a street vendor in the local gourmet-food section of town that morning. They did not look cheap – they looked gorgeous! As for the wedding dinner itself, it was pizza in a state park (my friend is an archaeologist) with her co-workers, and I think she still has the envelope labelled “Wedding Pizza”.

Good luck surviving the insanity, featherlou!

CJ

Mrs. AG & I paid for our wedding ourselves, so we did what we want, included or omitted as we saw fit, and have gotten nothing but compliments even years later.

First of all, dump the caterer if you can’t taste their food. We had a serve-yourself buffet with a healthy variety, so that omitted a chunk of service staff, RSVPing entree choices, wasted food, etc.

I would think twice about having friends assume some of the really big tasks (catering, photography), because if they’ve never done a wedding before, they can easily underestimate what’s in store for them. A professional photographer is worth the money if those pictures are important enough to you–a friend-cum-amateur will never be able to replace that moment if something goes wrong. Just be sure to stand up to the pro and tell them what you do and don’t want–just cause everybody does it (these poses, these settings, etc.) doesn’t mean you have to.

My wife has catered weddings before (I guess I did too, in a non-cooking capacity), so I know it can go really well, but only if they have a strong game plan, are used to cooking for a lot of people, can work with limited resources, and are not overly-ambitious. Just “throwing a meal together” is not nearly as easy as it sounds (although you’re guest list is smaller, so that helps) unless you don’t mind it looking & tasting like it was thrown together.

I think one of the most worthless traditions is wedding favors since most of them are junky. Personalized matchbooks, candy, little decorative items? People will lose or toss them soon afterwards–why bother? That is, unless you come up with something unique and inventive that people will definitely use & revisit. Instead of spending money on a DJ, we bought a CD recorder and recorded all our reception music, both background and dancing. Just pop in one CD and you’re set for an hour (a lot of reception halls have sound systems already set up because of the business they get). My wife and I recorded extra CDs for every couple as our favors. The CDs were dirt cheap and we know our friends still keep and play them years later.

I think if you make the ceremony memorable (we had everyone sing a hymn together instead of soloists), personalize some of the details (we had a memory book of pictures when she and I were kids that circulated around), and didn’t sweat the details if something didn’t go just right, people are going to walk away with a real positive experience without it having to cost a ton.

Oh, also, have you tried a consignment store for your dress? You’d be surprised the deals you can get that still look really nice. The alterations for my wife’s dress cost more than the dress itself.

There’s one in Seattle? I’ve been to the one in Portland, OR (and trust me, nobody wants to get married there)

That’s probably the one I mean, Archive Guy.

We went to the courthouse. Then we went to a steak house.

I dunno. Not about our marriage, but about me. I feel like I can’t officially call myself a grown-up. I’m married, but I didn’t do it through the traditional (not religious) rite of passage of planning a wedding and seeing it through. At one point, reading this thread, I found myself thinking, “That’s what I would d— oh, wait.”

We also don’t have photos. The batteries in the camera turned out to be duds.

Still, that moment when he said, “I do” is forever in my memory.

And not a single person, including you, will care what the napkins or flowers look like.