Here comes the bride, broke and broken

The BBQ Pit
61

CrazyCatLady and I are getting hitched in December. We’re going to New Orleans with any friends and family that want to come along, having a small ceremony in Jackson Square, then going out to a nice restaurant and for some Cajun dancing or quality jazz. No bridesmaids or groomsmen, no professional photographs, no rented clothing or ultra-poofy dresses. All bullshit will be kept at a minimum.

The odd thing is the different reaction of our families to these wedding plans. My family cringes at the expense (which will be minimal compared to most weddings, travel included) and wonders why we’re going to so much trouble when we could just have a quick ceremony at Beattyville Baptist Church followed by punch and cake. (Actually, they can’t get past the fact that we’ll be living together for six months before we get married.) Her family, on the other hand, feels offended that they don’t get to fuss over the details of a big froo-froo wedding.

All I want at this point is for someone in one of our two families to give the snide comments and self-righteous hand-wringing a fucking rest and just say they’re happy for us. I don’t look for it to happen anytime soon.

Dr. J

62

I’m happy for you, DoctorJ!

:slight_smile:
the best piece of advice given to me:

where ever you get married, however you get married…
take a moment to stop and take it all in.

It happens so fast.

Take the time to look at your cake. Look at your flowers. Look at your SO.

The real point of it is for YOU to be happy.

Everyone can bitch and moan prior to the wedding about how this wasn’t right and how that didn’t go as planned, How your families don’t get along, etc…

but once you’re up there saying I do, nothing matters anymore.
it’s all fun and games afterwards.

and TRUST me: no one will remember what went wrong and what didn’t. No one will remember that your napkins were slate and your cake was offwhite.

they will remember how happy you looked.
that said, here are some ideas for making something unique inexpensive for your wedding:

for favors, give away rosemary. I planted some seeds in jiffy pots. I transplanted them into nicer pots I painted white. The really nice thing is that since a lot of my pals are into cooking they still have the plants in their gardens (2 years later!) They say they think of the wedding when they snip some to use. A nicer touch is that Rosemary is said to symbolize rememberance.

printing on a heavy stock paper, print a picture of you and your SO. Embellish it with wedding type doodles. Trim them and punch a hole in them and put a ribbon on them.
we did this for my friend.
They said “April 4, 2000 -XXX and XXXX” “thank you for coming to our wedding”
We gave a stack of them to the guy parking the cars. He placed them on the mirrors, a la air freshner.

I have loads more…
I guess it’s the Martha Stewart in me. :slight_smile:

63

There’s never been a wedding thread on these boards that I haven’t posted to at least three times.

While you may not want an amateur to do your photography, there are professionals out there who don’t do those ridiculous wedding packages. One of the guys on photography staff here at the college does a LOT of business being hired out for the hour, privately. He does weddings, senior portraits, baby photos (he’s our baby’s photographer!). He shows up with a small amount of high-quality equipment, gets the lighting and the poses right, and snaps away. You pay for his time, the film, and the developing. No airbrushing, no huge wedding album, no canned poses with your two disembodied hands poised over a large white bible, but just a lot of great photos to choose from, done by someone with professional camera equipment, experience, and a good eye. You can spend a TENTH of what you’d spend on a traditional wedding photographer.

64

Ah, DoctorJ, I feel your pain. At least we don’t have family members second-guessing all of our decisions. My mom doesn’t quite understand why we’re not doing everything the traditional way (“Two bridesmaids and one groomsman? How does that work?”), but she would never criticize my decisions. I think maybe you should tell family members that are making snide remarks to back off (very politely, of course). Do it now, before you snap at them in a much nastier way later.

I’m going to type up your sentence “All bullshit will be kept at a minimum.”, print it up, and hang it on my wall as a reminder. Your advice too, BNB, to stop and look around and enjoy the day.

65

Jeez, DoctorJ, you got the worst of both worlds, huh? I will never understand why so many people think they get a say in somebody else’s wedding. My sister had lots of ideas for a wedding here in NoVa when Bill and I got engaged, but as soon as I told her we were going to get hitched in Key West, she let it drop. She has offered suggestions, which are definitely appreciated, but doesn’t try to force them on me if I have other ideas. I am more and more grateful for my family all the time.

66

I got married at Disney World in the middle of a vacation two months after we decided to get married. We had a coin toss between Disney and Vegas and Disney won. There were 12 people there, including the two of us. It was short, sweet, and everyone had fun, which was the most important part. The only stress was dealing with our Disney coordinator, who couldn’t understand that we simply didn’t want some ingredients of their package. Oh, and not strangling the kid who kicked my seat for the entire plane ride down.

I second the off-the-rack dress suggestion. I paid somethink like $125 for a simple Jessica McClintock dress, and then spent maybe another $50 on stuff to modify it (basically adding sleeves). Official “Wedding Dresses” cost too much for something that only gets worn once.

67

On the subject of “coordinated” weddings:

Last month, Mr. Rilch and I were in Vegas and stayed for two days at the Hilton, which has Star Trek the Experience. STtE does Trek-themed weddings. We saw such a party leave while we were checking in.

I like it in theory…but a white lace veil does not belong atop a Starfleet uniform. Now, if they offered Klingon weddings, with the robes and the blade ceremony and all the medieval-ish folderol, that’d be something. But they don’t, and I can see why: it would cost the earth, and most people would still want the simpler version.

68

I’ve kept the bullshit to a minimum. My sister will be doing my hair, I’ll do my makeup. My bridesmaids were given options for their dresses; one of them even chose the colour. I’m not going to make them wear matching shoes or do their hair the same way or anything stupid like that.

My shoes, which were purchased this week, cost a whopping 9.92 Cdn at Wal-Mart. My dress was a gift from my mom & step-dad, as were the alterations. I made my veil (ribbon-edged tulle) and I’ll probably make my headpiece as well.

I’ve been too preoccupied with packing and shipping everything south to worry about wedding planning. Once I’m in Baltimore, however, that’s probably going to change. Dave’s met with the caterer once already, and found the hall and hired the DJ already.

We only have three months to do all of this stuff. Thankfully, Dave’s a lot more handy than most grooms-to-be.

69

featherlou, first of all, congratulations!

Now, repeat after me:
We will do all the wedding things we WANT to do.
We will do none of the wedding things we DON’T want to do.

That’s the best advice anyone can give you. Figure out what really matters to you, and be willing to budget bigger for those items. If expensive invites aren’t that big a deal, pop on over to a stationary store (or WalMart), pick up some pretty paper, and print your invitations out on your computer.
Flowerwise, go RIGHT NOW to your nearest Kroger, Marsh, or other grocery floral department, and price your flowers. I had huge, beautiful, fresh-flower bouquets at my wedding, and they cost probably about 1/10th what I would’ve paid at a florist. For something as simple as roses, you could really do well, I think.
Speaking of Kroger, I’d price cakes there too.
The simpler you keep things, the less stressful–and more joyful–your big day will be, and that’s what it’s all about. Best wishes.

karol

70

Dress? Look in the classifieds for wedding dresses. There are all kinds listed, most of them unused because the wedding never took place. Here in Cincinnati on Benson Street there is a shop called Bridal and Formal Outlet which will order your dress for you if you know the manufacturer’s name and style for about 1/2 off.

Veil? Invest in a hot glue gun, go to a craft store and make it, esp. if you’re going with something as simple as a comb with silk flowers. Otherwise, borrow one or go to a second hand shop.

Caterer/hall – call hotels! My SIL got married last year and she had 125 guests. We found it was much cheaper to get married in a hotel vs. a hall because the hall charged for the space and then you had to pay for catering on top of that. At the local hotel, she paid for the food and they threw in the banquet room for free. Plus they comped a bridal suite for her when she blocked a group of rooms.

Another idea is a bed and breakfast. Beautiful location, small, intimate, and possibly thousands of dollars cheaper.

Another idea is a park with a shelter. A relative of ours had her reception at the state park. Cost of the shelter was $50. That leaves a lot of money for food.

Alternatively, go to another town. Prices of food/halls vary extremely depending on where you are.

Cake? I found a lady who used to work in a cake shop who made mine, to feed 350, for around $250. Look in the yellow pages for cake decorating classes, call them, and ask if they know anyone who makes cakes on the side.

Photographer? I planned my entire wedding and reception for 400 for $5000. The thing I didn’t go cheap on is the photographer. But do call around and compare prices and be sure to have them bring samples of their work! I paid $400 for 4 hours and that included a nice book. Beware of photographers that charge a low fee but then charge extra for every picture. That quickly adds up.

Flowers? - If it’s a smaller reception, ask the local florist to deliver $x worth of flowers and greenery. I did that last weekend with my daughter’s 1st communion. I had $40 worth of loose flowers and greenery delivered and was able to make 5 vases of lovely wildflowers. Tell him your situation and he’ll probably throw in extras, esp. if it’s on Saturday. Flowers are perishable and he’d probably rather give them away to someone like you than throw them out. Buy the cheapest glass vases you can find, or ask your florist for a dozen of the cheapest ones he has. Ask a friend to arrange the flowers and put them on the table prior to the reception. The key is not to be stuck on lilies or tulips, which are quite a bit more expensive. Daisies, carnations, wildflowers – these are all a lot cheaper than the “normal” wedding thing.

Good luck!

71

Featherlou, I understand that you don’t want to “look cheap,” especially with many of your guests being a bit more flush than you. But here’s the plain truth–people who know and love you will appreciate the trouble you’ve gone to to let them enjoy the day, and will have a great time. People who think “how cheap!” are shallow enough that perhaps you shouldn’t worry overly about their opinion.

72

My wedding was in my future in-laws living room. That was what the Wifestrocity wanted, and so that was fine with me. I’ve never been one for huge hoo-hah parties anyway.

I wore a suit. She wore a bridesmaid’s dress that was owned by a friend of mine ( Someone I’d been in love with briefly, now that I think of it… :eek: !!! ). Flowers were done by a student of her mom’s, he was a florist.

The whole darned floor only could hold about…what?..35 people in chairs? I am not sure we had that many. The food was done by her mom, and her aunts. Incredible food. One of her aunts does baking on a semi-professional level, the cake was to die for. Her brothers played the violins, a wedding march, as she walked down the aisle. It was a nice wedding. ( Now, the intervening 17 years, well shit…that’s another thread :frowning: ).

Best memory of it? The night before, they did have a party for all the out of town guests. We did the rehearsal of the ceremony, such as it was, then all went out for chinese food. It was a great evening. My FIL took a juice glass and wrapped it in a napkin for me to “practice” breaking the glass at the end of the ceremony. I stomped on it. The juice glass was incredibly thick. I twisted my ankle, and tore a divot out of their parquet floor that is still missing to this day. :smiley:

We left the party early because we were driving to Maine for our honeymoon. Apparently everyone else had a total blast after we left. We should have stayed, and left the next day. Oh well. First of many mistakes.

This isn’t their wedding day, it’s YOUR wedding day. The suggestions on how to cut corners are great ones. I’ll just add this. If you are not near a huge college that has a dining service that you can rent out, try looking around for local Chef Colleges. You may find a few students who aren’t “graduated” yet, but who are absolutely enthralled at the chance to show their stuff, and make the most amazing foods for you.

Cartooniverse

73

Even more great advice keeps rolling in. Thank, all y’all (I’m learning to speak Murrkin:D), for all the good wishes and for helping me get things back in perspective.