Hersheys must be stopped. No More Reeses Varieties!

Cafe Society
1

I was going to Pit this, but I figured it would be moved.

But I’m genuinely aggravated.

It is a well known fact that the single most spectacularly fabulous commercial candy is Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. By miles and miles. Yes, I know it’s only #2 in terms of all-time bestselling, but that doesn’t matter. It is a clearly superior experience of sweet and salty yummitude that i find nearly impossible to resist. But being 50 years old and having eaten the Cups thousands of times, my thirst for them is relatively controllable. (Although I wonder what it would be like to eat one fresh off the line? A super-fresh Cup is a whole different thing than a stale Cup.)

Which is necessary, because I have weight issues and health concerns and I don’t need to be getting sucked into candy fixations.

But someone at Hershey;'s looked at the balance sheet a few years ago and saw that the way to more profit was to configure the Cup in new and exciting ways. It was slow at first, but I guess it worked, because as soon as I have discovered and indulged and finally get a handle on a new verison of the Cup experience, another shows up to entice and taunt and torment me, drawing me into its peanuttysalty chocolaty goodness in some new configuration of texture and flavor that adds just that something I never knew I wanted until it was presented to me.

Now, not every single idea has been a hit…the Banana Cup…no. The White Chocolate cup…no. And I’m not much for the new crunchy thing that is like a Reeses Butterfinger.

Pieces? Well, not crazy about the shell, but I like the pieces sans chocolate. So I Like the “chips” for baking, it’s a close runner up.

But Big Cup? You bet.

Nutrageous? Delish

Crunchy? Damn straight

Caramel? Wow… way more delicious than I would ever have thought.

Sticks? A major favorite: Reese does Twix one very much better.

Fast Break? (It’s like a Snickers - the #1 selling candy bar of all time - that had the peanuts made into butter–amazing)

DARK chocolate? (Oh my GOD!)

Whipped? FABulous. (Kinda like a “3 MuskaReeses” bar.)

I hadn’t thought of this before, but it’s obvious now that I’ve pointed it out… Reeses is the best candy ever because it can be and is ALL candy! 3 Muskateers, Snickers, Twix, M&Ms, Butterfinger…Whatever some other candy is…Reesify it and it’s BETTER.
And now… I just discovered at the market last week, it’s not even listed on the website… Select Cremes. It’s the Cup as high-end confection, each little square wrapped in its own little package (sold in a bag of many). It’s a square of the Cup chocolate with a generous dollop of The Butter in a particularly soft, almost liquid form, and it seems to be a little extra salty, which is wonderful.

So that was a new addiction. I had to blow through two whole bags in four days to get control of myself. And that’s BAD.

And that’s actually what led to my discovery of Fast Break, which is so great and has been around for a bit. I had never tried it before, and now I’m obsessed with those!

SO STOP IT.

PLEASE.

ENOUGH.

I BEG YOU. I will never be able to control my sugar cravings if you keep coming up with new ways to trigger my Reeses fetish!

(But if you insist… doing the Cremes with the Dark chocolate would be awesome…)

2

I’m a mutant, because the only Reese’s I find even remotely interesting is the White Chocolate variation.

3

Don’t even get him started on Mountain Dew.

4

The inside-out Reeses cups taste like ass. Just FYI.

5

Oh yeah, they do. I think…I believe I tried them. Or was it some knockoff? Didn’t like it in any case.

6

Speaking of knockoffs… one of the things about Reeses that I admire is that I think it’s one of the few examples of things that represent the true pinnacle. By this I mean that a fresh Cup cannot be surpassed. It is the the unbeatable standard by which any and all cups of chocolate with peanut butter centers must be measured. And I have tried pretty much every alternative I’ve ever come across. Even accounting for the fact that a lifetime of Reeses eating may result in bias, I’ve never tasted any other version that came anywhere close.

7

I love Reese’s peanut butter cups, but only the original kind (and maybe the dark chocolate kind). The rest are imposters. The Big cup just seems to be off in terms of ratio of the two ingredients. Bigger isn’t better in this case. Just eat two cups instead of one. Or four instead of two. Pieces? Yuck. Sticks? Nope. White Chocolate? Obnoxiously sweet and white chocolate just sucks in general. Whipped? I hate 3 Musketeers so I’m not going to like this one. Caramel? Once again, too sweet. Nutrageous? Maybe I can agree on this one. Maybe. Banana? THEY MADE A BANANA CUP? I can sort of see the logic, I guess, but the artificial banana flavor has to be one of the worst scientifically devised flavor compounds known to man.

8

I’m only a fan of a few (whipped, pieces, dark choc.), but I gotta admit–any new Reeses variety, and I have to try it at least once. Gottagottagottagottagotta.

So now, the hunt is on…

9

I prefer the mini Reeses, because my Grandma always kept those around for us kids. The proportion of chocolate to peanut butter just seems right, to me.

A few decades ago, I saw Reeses Peanut Butter in the supermarket, and thought, “Wow, this must be good!” Wow, was I wrong! Gritty sugar. Bleah. I used the rest of it to make peanut butter cookies, and they weren’t even very good. Big disappointment.

10

Yeah, the peanut butter is NOT the peanut butter in the Cups.

And I agree with you: if I was forced to choose just one way to enjoy the Reesiness of it all, I don’t think I’d hesitate to go with the minis. The chocolate-butter ratio is just perfect, especially since you can pop the whole thing in your mouth at once, it’s a predictable experience.

But again and always: fresh is key. An old Cup is a heartbreaking disappointment.

I sure am enjoying the Fast Break and Cremes, though.

Oddly enough, I find myself unmotivated to try out the “clusters”, which combines the “creme” experience with peanuts, pecans and caramel. Too busy, I think. It doesn’t intrigue me at all.

I’ve also learned the hard way that cookies, bars, and other Reesified non-candy just doesn’t work. The only thing that’s been enjoyable without actually achieving Reesitude has been the ice cream shell, which is pretty tasty.

11

By the way, the most supreme non-mass-market candy is See’s Butterscotch squares AND OR Bordeaux, which are almost identical, the buttersugar center is just whipped lighter.

And in the no-chocolate-anywhere category, it’s See’s Peanut Brittle, which is mind-blowing.

In case anyone was wondering.

12

I never even heard of the Banana Cup. It sounds…interesting. I’m not a fan of Caramel, so that never even tempted me. The others - well, I like the eggs at Easter. The Pieces are OK, but I prefer peanut butter M&Ms. Give the old-fashioned cup for my money.

13

In other news, now there are Strawberry and Peanut M&Ms. What fresh hell is this?

14

I’ll do my part to stem the proliferation of new forms of sweet, chocolatey torture if everyone in the English speaking world will vow not to pronounce it “Reeseys”, as in rhyming with “feces”.

15

ARRGGGHHHHH!!! I hate this! I never heard it said that way until I moved from Texas to Mississippi, and then Alabama. Actually they don’t say “Reesey’s” so much as they say “Reesey Cups.” Either way, it gets on my last nerve!

16

Wait, how are we supposed to say it? Like rhyming with Rhesus monkey?

Growing up, my grandmother would always call them REESE cups, one syllable. Or, two syllables total, one for Reese and one for cups. This drove me crazy, but also made me wonder if this had been a more common alternate pronunciation back in the day.

17

Correct. Notice the apostrophe, indicating that these are the cups invented by / belonging to Reese. That’s what makes the name “Reese’s Pieces” work. Not meaning to jump on you, delphica, it’s just a major pet peeve of mine.

18

I wonder if regional dialect is a factor, too. In my speech, the sound in Rhesus monkey and the sound in feces is so, so close … I wouldn’t even notice someone saying one as opposed to the other unless someone made a point of it. (It’s almost like Rhesis and fecis, actually).

Wow, that’s a lot more time spent talking about feces than I expected for a Tuesday morning! :stuck_out_tongue:

19

If the Reeses researchers (you know, the guys who put a chocolate bar on one train and a peanut butter jar on the other train and collided them, creating the first PBC super collider) ever meet up with those cranberry researchers who figure out how to put cranberries in everything things are going to get ugly.

And the fabric of space time will probably be ripped apart if those two research groups meet up with those researchers who manage to squeeze all that cheezy goodness (through extreme technological measures) into Cheezits snacks.

Advanced snack food technology will eventually doom us all. That why no aliens have ever visited us. They all suffered that fate before their civilization was able to move to the stars.

20

Sticks and Twins. Single minis, if I have to. That’s it. Quit corrupting the peanut butter cup. Enough already!!