I’d link, but I never learned, and, hell, most of you probably have it bookmarked.
There’s an Onion news brief about our favorite comic missonary.
Enjoy.
It’s one of the “News in Brief” short squibs on the front page, which won’t be there after this week.
Tract Writer Cites God, Jack Chick As Influences
STILLWATER, OK—Robert Welton, founder and sole employee of Inspired Word Christian Tracts, cites God and Jack Chick as the two biggest influences on his work. “God is the one I owe the most to. Everything I write draws on something of His,” Welton, 44, told reporters Tuesday. “But Jack Chick, he showed the tract-writing world how to do it. Everything from This Was Your Life to Sin Busters to the ongoing Bible Tract series are pretty much the gold standard.” Welton added that Mohammed and Buddha are in their graves, but Christ’s grave is empty.
http://theonion.com/index.shtml
Maybe I’m missing the point, but there doesn’t seem to be any satiric exaggeration here. This is the way a lot of these folks actually talk. Perhaps the author’s point is that these folks are already so absurd that there’s no need to exaggerate or parody them?
I thought they might be quoting an actual person. Just to be on the safe side, I googled and didn’t find any real organization called Inspired Word Christian Tracts, and none of the entries for Robert Welton showed a person involved in publishing and/or distributing religious tracts.
“Where’s the irony? Over there, in a box.” (Monty Python)
Monty
November 10, 2002, 8:21pm
4
Lonesome, you may be right. Imagine the following if you will:
[ul]Comic: “Did you hear the joke about the preacher, Jack Chick?”
LonesomePolecat writes:
> Maybe I’m missing the point, but there doesn’t seem to be any
That seems to be pretty standard for The Onion . Their satire is often so subtle it’s easy to miss.
I consulted googlism.com about Robert Welton and learned that “Robert Welton is a formidable telepath.”
My curiousity piqued, I brought my more specific search-terms to Google proper, and found that this tantalizing phrase comes from a bit of Trekkie fan fiction involving an apparent second coming:
United Nations security guards were posted throughout the courtroom, ready to stop any kind of trouble. A small distance from the bench sat the traitor, Father Robert Welton, flanked by two security guards.
Cardinal Cerveza found himself staring at Father Welton. The priest showed no sign of the stress of his imprisonment. He sat with his back straight. His hair was jet black with no trace of silver or gray. His eyes were ice blue and vibrant, very vibrant.
“So, Father Welton, you still cling to your beliefs? After all that has happened?” Cerveza sneered with contempt.
“My belief in Liberation Theology will never waiver,” Welton quietly responded.
“You still believe in a religion that puts man ahead of Christ?” the surprised cardinal inquired.
“Liberation Theology does not put man ahead of Christ. It states that man must accept some of the responsibility for his eventual salvation. Man must rid his world of the political institutions that oppress him. Only after this does man become free and seek salvation…from Christ!” exclaimed Welton.
Much later in the narrative:
“So, this Welton’s still alive. Williamson must’ve been one of the followers of his Liberation Theology,” concluded McCoy. “Even though it’s a banned movement.”
“Remarkably logical, Doctor. In addition to your suppositions, I must point out that Robert Welton is a formidable telepath. This is his method of communicating with his followers, such as Williamson, and with the Collective.”
“Why Tellus? Why here?” asked Kirk. “And this Collective…”
“His return will fulfill the promise he made at his trial after the war,” answered the Vulcan.
“And what a choice this planet is,” added McCoy. “Christianity is the religion and government. The society is primed for the second coming.”
“And from what I was able to sense, the Collective are non-corporeal beings. Pure thought, Captain. But their survival is at stake. Every one thousand years, they must experience what it is like to have a body–to feel. It renews them. Rather than overtly infesting an unsuspecting population, they create turmoil on a planet, generally through political upheaval, invade the bodies of its inhabitants for a brief instant, and then leave. The population is not harmed, and there is a beneficial side effect. A part of the knowledge that the Collective hold is imparted upon certain individuals. These individuals, they hope, will guide their peoples through the turmoil, and lead them to a more peaceful future.”
Actually, from what little I read of it, this is remarkably readable for fan fiction-- the author even appears to have a handle on latin & greek etymologies, and passing familiarity with gnosticism and apostlistic christianity. I may actually even read the cussed thing, time permitting.
Or they just picked the name Robert Welton out of the air.