No really, it’s true, no clavicles. Not a one. Neither do manatees or aardvarks. Can you imagine? Now when your trying to make small talk at some party somewhere or you just want to really impress the people you’re with your can tell them “Elephants ain’t got no clavicles!”. That’ll work. They’ll be way impressed, or they’ll start to edge away from you. Some people are intimidated by shows of brilliance like that.
There’s also something else in the “no clavicle” club, but I couldn’t read the whole sign before the kids dragged be off to the next exhibit. Yeah, I took the young 'uns to the zoo Friday. Even brought 'em back home. (I’m just that kind of parent.) A fine, fine time was had, I might add. I might not add that, but since I already did, I’m sticking with it. Like you could prove we didn’t have a fine time? Your word against mine, man. But we really did have a good time. Saw the animals, had a picnic lunch, rode the train around the zoo, oh yeah, it was a Big Day.
That was Friday. We were planning on going Thursday, but it rained. We had lunch at White Castles since we got rained out from the zoo. So that was OK too.
Saturday we painted Katcha’s room. White. Way white. Not some “Country White” or “Antique White” or something like that, but white white. Andy Warhol hair white. That is one white room. I wanted to extend the whiteness and have a little experiment with my progeny. ('Cause if you can’t experiment on your own kids, what’s the point of having any? I ask ya?) I wanted to dress him all in white, white shoes and white socks, white pants (shorts now that it’s summer time), white shirt, a white hat to wear out side (gotta think about sun exposure). But he could wear little red underpants. When he gets around to actually wearing underpants (he’s still in the diapered crowd). His bed would have white sheets and a white cover. Just make everything in his room white. But then I figured it would be real dumb. I mean, it could only last until Labor Day, then we’d have to pack up his white shoes and that would wreck the whole experiment.
So he has this white room and we couldn’t turn it into a big psych experiment and maybe get some Government Grant Money. I thought it would be cool to get him a big, round, black rug for his room. Then paint six black dots on his ceiling. And then on one wall paint two black dots and across from that paint five dots. On the next wall paint three black dots and across from that four more. So he’d be sleeping in a giant die. I thought that would be cool, but I was informed it was a stupid idea. That’s the problem with being one of the World’s Dreamers. I have a lot of stupid ideas. So I’m told.
Here’s something for you:
Take a loaf of good sourdough bread and cut off three slices. Two slices should be a little thick, but not too thick, and the third slice should be kinda thin, but not too thin. Toast the thin slice. While that’s toasting, butter one side of the thick slices and warm up the griddle on your stove. (This assumes you have a griddle. And a stove. And butter so far. Plus your loaf of sourdough bread. And a bread knife. And a toaster. If I mention something you don’t have, go buy it. Or ignore this whole part. Your choice.)
Now you need some grated cheese. Or cheese and a cheese grater if you want to do things manually. Cheddar would be good, get some cheddar. And some Monterey Jack, that would be good. You could use mozzarella if you wanted. Heck you could use any kind of cheese you want, but I suggest cheddar (a medium sharp cheddar) and Monterey Jack. But that’s just me, do what you want. Now take a tomato and chop it up. And you need some Durkee French Fried Onions. (Only there are no more Durkee French Fried Onions. French’s bought them out. So they were French’s French Fried Onions. Then they changed the name to French’s Taste Toppers. But that’s what you need, the fried onions they keep near the green beans in the grocery store. Whatever the call them.)
So now you have all your ingredients together, two kinds of cheeses, chopped tomato, fried onions and three pieces of sourdough bread (two buttered and one toasted). You griddle should be hot now too.
Take one of the buttered pieces of bread and put it, buttered side down, on the griddle. Now goes the cheddar cheese. A good sized handful. Now put some chopped tomatoes on the cheese. (You could put some hot sauce or taco sauce on there if you want, that’s good too.) Now the toasted piece of bread and then the fried onions and the other cheese. Let it grill for a minute and flip it over. Let it grill on that side now.
There you go, lunch. Some Fritos on the side and a glass of chocolate milk and you’re all set.
You’re very welcome.
-Rue.
