Once while I was playing high school basketball, I made this crazy shot and the crowd gave me a standing ovation–except for one lady, who gave me a standing ovary. I was utterly shocked. I had had no idea people went around passing out their ovaries at basketball games–let alone that the ovaries could stand!
Cat Stevens was trying to explain to his eight year old daughter why she couldn’t have babies yet. Not being very good with words, he decided to write a song about it. The song: “Ovary Young”
There’s a cat that’s been following me around my neighborhood. Is there really anything that I can do to stop it?
Isn’t it a shame that Mr. Rogers had to die? Eddie Murphy did such a good knockoff of his bit. “Hello, boys and girls…”
Did you know that Allan Sherman recorded a follow up to “Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda”? It’s called “Return To Camp Grenada”. It’s really rather awful by comparison.
Did the college students ever return to Grenada? Do you think their absences were excused?
Ever since I first heard of the swallows returning to Capistrano I wondered if they just gargled until then.
If I drink Listerine, will anything bad happen to me?
Not unless you consider death to be a bad thing. 
I’ll tell you what’s a bad thing. My unemployment has almost run out and I still haven’t found a job. 
Even worse, my Flying Dog Ale cache has almost run out. Good thing tomorrow’s Friday. Ever had their Old Scratch? Yum.
I used to be terrified of dogs. Absolutely terrified. My first step away from this was learning to deal with the incredibly gentle part-shepherd dog my husband had. Later, we got a St. Bernard puppy, which has to be one of the most adorable creatures on earth, other than a Siamese kitten. My daughter has a very sweet Pekingese. I’m still afraid of unleashed dogs, though.
I once had a morbid fear of spiders and really all other bugs and insects. What cured me was sitting at my computer desk every day and night with Mr. T. Resident Spider watching me from a few inches away on the adjacent wall, morbid with fear, and telling myself that even though I was in the most terrifying situation I could dream up every single day and night, nothing bad was happening to me.
I’ve often wanted to be a fly on a wall. The trouble would be figuring out where is the best place to be. It would be almost like having an unlimited number of cable channels to watch round the clock. Maybe a movie theater, maybe a girls college locker room, or maybe at the in-law’s house to see what they really think of me.
I often wonder what others think of me.
I often wonder if others think of me
The ultimate hijack:
The Guy Who Closes The Thread 'Cause It’s Gone On For Six Pages And Its Time Has Come
Ta-da! 