Historic SDMB posts throughout... history

[Annie-Xmas]

Originally posted by Adam on the sixth day:

Oh, what a long sleep I had. I must have slept wrong–my side is killing me.

You know, I could really go for some ribs right about now.

[Little_Nemo]

MPSIMS, November 6, 1796

Originally Posted by GreatKate

Whew! What a ride! And ‘they’ said it couldn’t be done.
Man, my rib’s are killin’ me. Fuckin’ horse.

[Gangster_Octopus]

Posted by Diogenes the Cynic on February 22, 1980 in BBQ Pit

Holy crap, I cannot believe thow obnoxious that uber-patriotism was during the USA-USSR hockey game. I get it, we won, they lost…BIG DEAL…it was just a freaking hockey game!! Those chants of USA! USA! USA! made me want to throw something at my screen. And all those flags and stuff. How disgusting was that! What must the rest of the world think of us??

Look I am not downgrading the players who obviously worked very hard and deserve tons of praise, but in the end it is just a hockey game. I mean, for crissakes the announcer, whoever he was, was calling it a freaking miracle! Uh, no, it is not a fucking miracle. Calling it that completely downgrades the accomplishments of the players. Anyway, like God would give two flying craps about a hockey game! What does this prove, anyway, that we’re better? Our system is superior? The answer would be a resounding NO!!

Just having some fun DtC

[ltfire]

Originally posted in MPSIMS.
Sept. 10, 2001

Who’s up for breakfast in a fancy restaurant?
I’ll be in the city early tomorrow, and if someone gets back to me via E-Mail…say, before 9 PM tonight, we can meet in the lobby. If you’re not familiar with the location, just tell your cab driver to take you to ‘Windows On The World’ restaurant. Get here by 8 AM, as it tends to get pretty busy after that. If you’ve never been there, you are in for a real treat. The restaurant is on the 107th floor! You’ll wonder how you can even breathe at that height! Some say that airplanes look like they are right outside the windows! Bring a camera!

[Peter_Morris]

Posted by CBabbage in MPSIMS

I have just invented the world’s first mechanical computational device. I’m thinking of calling it a difference engine. If you can see this message, it means that you have invented the world’s second mechanical computational device. Perhaps you can think up a better name for it.

posted by God 9AM, Sunday October 23rd, 4004 BC

Hello, World.

[Civil_Guy]

Originally Posted in GQ on October 28, 1929 by HH

Can anyone explain to me how the stock market works? I mean, it just seems so incredible that the only thing that keeps stock prices up is that everyone keeps buying stock at those prices. I mean, what would happen if everyone just decided that they just weren’t going to pay those prices anymore?

And banking! I’ve heard that banks don’t even have enough cash on hand to cover all the deposits they’ve got on the books. The deposits are just covered by, get this, people with loans making future loan payments! WTF? What if everyone just decided to withdraw all their money all at once tomorrow?

Is this any way to run a money system?

[Sampiro]

…

originally posted by Realitus TV 75 BCE in Cafe Society:

Did anybody catch last night’s ROMAN IDOL? Okay, Calamitus totally got the sympathy vote because of having to fight with just one leg, I couldn’t believe they voted to let him live when it was so obvious he was playing that stump to the hilt! Visceratos— man, I never saw that one coming, I thought for sure that he was gonna behead Decapitius when he had him in the corner, but that tiger came out of nowhere! Still, I think the final two are going to be Petulus and that new what’s his name… Spartacus. Man, if Spartacus doesn’t get the Roman Idol laurel I bet he is gonna be piiiiiiiiiiiissed! He’s such a prima donna.

BTW, is it just me or do Crassus’s comments on the new gladiators just seem particularly bitchy this year? The whole “I’m not saying this to be rude, but frankly… if you’re the best they’ve got we should have just exterminated your whole village instead of just the women and children” thing gets old. At least Pompey is still the voice of reason once Apollonia the Abdul gets her little softy points in on the commentary. And if that damned emcee Riannvs Sekrestvs says “Sekrestvs Ex!” one more time I’m gonna puke even before the ninth course! Even for a Lesbosian eunuch he’s a vapid pretty-boy.

[Monstre]

Thread started by J.R.R. Tolkien, June 12, 1953

What if LOTR were written by me?

[Sampiro]

Originally posted in MPSIMS by Dean of Students, October 1963:

November 23, 1963 is going to be one hell of a day to remember here at State U! We actually have three… count 'em, three… world class speakers lined up for Thanksgiving Commencement! Hold on to your hats- C.S. Lewis, Aldous Huxley and JFK are all gonna be here! We’ve already sold 20,000 tickets and there’s a waiting list for 100,000 more! This is gonna be a day for the history books.

[Happy_Lendervedder]

Originally posted by Nostradamus Nov. 14, 1549

Alright Dopers! I got a new game for y’all! Let’s play “Predict the Future!” Gimme your craaaaaziest predictions. Then, with TPTB’s permission, I’ll re-print the best of the best in a new book! Here’s the catch: they have to be rhymed quatrains. Oooooh! Have fun!!111

…

[Monstre]

@Jay Hormel

I’ve created this great new lunch product, which contains pork shoulder, some ham meat, and special seasonings. It tastes real good and is great for sandwiches. I’m having a little contest at my New Year’s Eve party tonight, to get guests to come up with possible names for this new product. But if anybody here wants to give me some suggestions, I’m all ears!

@helicondiva

Poster Jay Hormel has been banned for spamming the boards.

…

[Annie-Xmas]

Sick, Dark Humor Dept:

Posted by AllahisGreat on September 11, 2000:

Can anyone recommend a cheap school for learning to fly? If possible, one that would give me a discount for not wanting to learn how to take off and land. I just want to learn how to fly a plane as fast (and low) as I can.

[Tibby]

…

@Practilicus Jokerus

30(ish)CE

Anybody know how to move a big rock?

[Happy_Lendervedder]

Originally posted by I_Love_Scotch on Aug. 24, 1974

I’ve taken up this new excercise regement recently-- “Jogging.” Does anyone know how it’s pronounced? Is the “j” soft or hard? I want to say “yogging” because I believe it’s Scandanavian in origin.

…

[Sampiro]

Originally posted by Mrs. Brownstone in IMHO, 1894:

My twelve month old baby, Rondinaiia Carlotta, is screaming throughout the night. The sounds of the Irish girl going to tend to her have kept me and my husband both awake into the wee hours even though our rooms are on opposite ends fo the house. I’ve conferred with my doctor, my mother and a druggist and they offer differing opinions- one says I should have the Irish girl give the baby a pinch of arsenic, another says goat-milk with cocaine and a third says opium-impregnated-scrambled eggs. Does anybody have any recommendations for which works best.

In other news I am expecting again and I am of course overjoyed for of course there is no better news is there? I must confess, however, that I was most dissatisfied during my last confinement with the quality and comforted afforded by the Maternity Corset I purchased through ‘In Pain Shalt Thou Bring Forth Children Gestational Encumbrances, Incorporated’ while the Victorian Secret Whalebone Expectancy Corset seems… well, imprurient! (My husband could see my s-k-i-n through the eyelets!) Can somebody suggest a good model that will allow me to keep my 22 inch waistline while the “way of women” is upon me but at the same time lessen my screaming?

Meanwhile I remain overjoyed at hte new arrival.
On a completely unrelated topic, I am told that prolonged exposure to the new natural gas that fuels our ovens may produce fatal consequences. Does anybody know if there is truth to this? (The Irish girl of course does not.) Also, where in your brownstone would you look if you had to find the ‘kitchen’ where said stove is kept?

[Tikki]

originally posted in MPSIMS by MenloParkCulture on September 4, 1879

So, we’re still puzzling out how to get our incandescent lights to work for a decent amount of time. Tom’s not happy about how long it’s taking but, hey, what can you do? Anyway, we had another brainstorming session about it today. “Batch” had some good ideas that we tossed around and then Kruesi…that Swiss goofball…Kruesi up and says, “How many inventors does it take to screw in a light bulb?”

Well, let me tell you, not much got done after that!

XXX

[Skywatcher]

In MPSIMS:

BillSwerski
July 12, 1979

What’s up with that godawful black smoke coming from Comiskey park?

[Sternvogel]

Originally posted by Dallas Diamond on Nov. 20, 1963:

Thanks for all your advice in this Excuses for Avoiding a Boring Neighbor thread I started! Now I have dozens of clever ways to beg off when that annoying “Abe Z.” insists the wife and I come over to watch his damn home movies! He’s always experimenting with lenses and filters like he’s a Hollywood cinematographer or something! Yeah, like there’s any way somebody twenty or thirty years from now is gonna want to watch his (yawn!) footage of whatever bigshots happened to come through Dallas on his watch…

[Malacandra]

@Onan bar Judah

Woo hoo! I am masturbating like a motherfuck!

Yes, I know. But it’s funnier this way.

[Annie-Xmas]

@Annie-Xmas

Sick, Dark Humor Dept:

Posted by AllahisGreat on September 11, 2000:

Can anyone recommend a cheap school for learning to fly? If possible, one that would give me a discount for not wanting to learn how to take off and land. I just want to learn how to fly a plane as fast (and low) as I can.

I forgot to mention–Me and a few of my Buddies would like a place where we could also get a group discount.