Hollow, meaningless, incomplete life? This will help you (and apparently your anus)..

[Finagle]

Well, I could certainly see how exercising my puckering muscles would vastly improve my life. If I were in prison. Or the Navy. Otherwise, well, no…

[Fenris]

*Originally posted by Pucette *
**Now what I want to know is this. Fenris, are you Henry Raddick? **

I am not now, nor have I ever been, Henry Raddick.

But I think I wanna be.

I may have found a new calling in life. Funny, yet snotty reviews! Kewl! Here’s another excerpt of one of his reviews

L’homme qui vomit : roman
by Mathieu Lindon

Brash and arrogant he may be, but when it comes to voiding himself no-one comes close to le duc de Fontainebourg, the chundering hero of this epic French romantic novel.
<snip>
He excels on the dueling field (felling his adversary at 20 paces in unorthodox fashion)…

Wow! I mean just…wow!

Fenris, in awe.

[ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks]

Another reviewer sez

I was very skeptical, being in law enforcement and all, but my wife “forced” me to read it as I was short-tempered and high-strung. The stress has very nearly become a stranger to me as I am a peace officer and need peace of mind. Aside from a little “accident” in the beginning, I find myself constricting and releasing while on the job. The writing style is very entertaining. Thanks

Accident? Holy crapsickles, Batman! This made me snort wine onto my keyboard.

-L
(Fenris, are you SURE you won’t marry me?)

[Sassy]

I like all this from the other book (bolding mine). Who’s gonna read this one?

I think the following points are essential for us to attain the goal of Inca-Shamanism. They are: stopping your breath automatically, sleeping without losing consciousness, circulating your energy in your physical body, cleaning up your central energy pipe, making the beautiful, strong, energetic core of abdomen flexible and firm, good spine, the secret of physiognomy, good complexion, rejuvenation, fasting, influence of other people and of devils, cutting the pipe of floating devil above your head, good relationship with opposite sex, dependable self-importance, good repentance, imagining powerful men such as Christ and absorbing the power of various voices and of various flights. So, I have added them.

[lestrange]

What, you mean you all haven’t seen http://www.engrish.com/?

[Fenris]

Gentlefolk of the Straight Dope, I have an announcement so portentious, so shocking that I must ask you to clench your sphincters before continueing.

All clenched?

Good.
I have found our hero’s homepage. And it’s weirder than the book.

Thus, I give you Nishigaki!

From his webpage, the contents of his masterwork:

Book Contents
Part 1 If you constrict anus 100 times everyday
Part 2 Turn to bay throwing away pride
Part 3 Do 3-week fasting, save sex energy and rotate vortex
Part 4 Stare, shoot out immaterial fiber or third attention, succeed in concentrating, behave
with abandon-largess-humor and beckon the spirit
Part 5 Erase your bad stickiness and multiply various good feeling
Part 6 Follow comfortable body-response
Part 7 Check your condition

I was personally touched and aroused by the thought of a “sex energy and rotate vortex”.

Please, share your thoughts on which part moved you the most.

Fenris, who must admit to never having “shoot out immaterial fiber”.

[ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks]

Someone hand me my bad stickiness eraser. Yes, that one there. Thanks. Whew…that was close. Almost had to leave this bad stickiness un-erased.

-L

[Nausicaa]

I used to think I was on top of things - but then Fenris had to find this book and make me realize how little I knew! Who knew you could have a bowel movement with a stool discharge? Who knew that “Cancer prefers only colder sticky numb part of your body and grows there suddenly”?

Frankly I’m appalled at my ignorance - thank you Fenris for showing me the light!!!
(Some sarcasm was used in the posting.)

[Nausicaa]

I used to think I was on top of things - but then Fenris had to find this book and make me realize how little I knew! Who knew you could have a bowel movement with a stool discharge? Who knew that “Cancer prefers only colder sticky numb part of your body and grows there suddenly”?

Frankly I’m appalled at my ignorance - thank you Fenris for showing me the light!!!
(Some sarcasm was used in this posting.)

[Nausicaa]

Sorry - I’m such a newbie!

[RocknRoll_Killing_Machine]

ahaha… this man must have done time.

[TPWombat]

Oops Fenris - did you see this bit (my blocks) :

Irony, nervousness, irritation, thick-wit,
dreariness of our eyes will begin to decrease.

I’d hate to see you change your handle to FenrisofGod or something as a result of these exercises.

[erislover]

Sorry to bump this old boy [blame Tuckerfan] but holy hell, the mysterious reviewer never quits. In a review for “God, Why Did Dad Lose His Job?” the reviewer says, “A truly wonderful guide which has enabled me to explain my recent sacking for vandalising company property to my children in terms of a minor act of redemption.”

Truly the world is a better place now.

In “Suing Government: Citizen Remedies for Official Wrongs” he says, “An excellent book on the subject and an invaluable guide for my brother George who is currently taking the governor of his prison to court for failing to “permit and fund” some cosmetic sugery he feels he needs.” That is invaluable!

“Taxidermy, a Complete Manual” finds us knowing all too well what this review thinks: “A fantastic guide to a lost art, and one which has greatly assisted me in the difficult task of reassembling my dearly departed spaniel Barry.” What, he wants to watch his dog roll over in his grave?

But for the OP, the reviews were still positive even in June.

Recent world events, a crumbling stock market, uncertainty for the future. Depression? Worry? Yes and yes. The future looked very bleak indeed. Fortunately all that has changed thanks to Dr. Nishigaki.

[wpies sweat from brow]

[DeadlyAccurate]

Henry Raddick is my hero.

From The war to save our kids: Raising G-Rated Children in an X-Rated World:

Trying to shield our children from the pervasive obscenity of modern culture is a more-or-less full-time job as any parent knows. Thank goodness therefore for this sensitive and helpful guide to responsible parenting. Sometimes the old ways are best: when my own dad caught me smoking when I was a teenager, he sat me down at the kitchen table and I wasn’t allowed to get up until I had finished the entire packet. That worked, after a fashion. I tried a similar approach with my own son Jonathan when I recently found a stash of porn videos in his room. I believe he found the 9 hour marathon viewing as uncomfortable as I did, and I have high hopes of weaning him of this filth.

[Judith_Prietht]

erislover, I just snorted trying to hold in a laugh and I think everyone thinks I farted in my cube. Thanks. Now I’ll be a pariah in the workplace. And this is why:

From Podoconiosis: Non Filarial Elephantiasis

A superb guide to the disease with the shortest “denial” stage in the
medical book. I found it particularly useful in coming to terms with my
condition and even taking pride in it. Perhaps a lighter take on the subject
is to be found in Ernest Woodward Price’s earlier work “Er, Does Sir
Dress To The Right?”

[CalMeacham]

This book has shown in threads many times before.

I look at this book site at Amazon. Then I look at how well my book is doing
Bleahhhhhhhhhhhh!
This…Thiss…THIS!!! is outselling all my hard work and effort? I’m being outsold by some asshole?
Ain’t no justice.

[Buliwyf]

---

quote:

In addition, he also can have burned a strong, beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention, which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

Am I the only one turned on by this?

---

Yes…yes you were.

While we’re on the topic, was I the only one thinking of spiderman when I read this.

Buliwyf

[Maeglin]

Thanks for reviving this thread, erl. I am glad to see that my good buddy Raddick hasn’t quit, even after all of this time. Still fighting the good fight.

[Cervaise]

Here’s my question:

If the sum total of Nishigaki’s exercise regimen is to constrict one’s anus 100 times per day, then what else do you learn when you buy the book? Seems to me a public service announcement serves the same purpose.

Of course, that makes me think of those annoying Ad Council spots: “I will fight terrorism by clenching my anus 100 times per day.”

[Ellen_Cherry]

I’m beginning to think of ole Raddick as my personal god:

Atlas of Scrotal Ultrasound
by Brigitte Martin

**A map would suffice **
February 15, 2002

As a bored radiographer who would rejoice never to have to
spatula another octagenarian’s jewels onto the plate again in his
life I have to say that Ms Martin imbues the subject with a
sense of glamour it hardly merits.