Okay, I am actually going to post the notes. I know, I’m slow - but well worth it. 
So, without further ado, and rushing right into things, with no long, drawn out introductions or speeches to make you whack Okay!
The attendence list to the Houston Valentineless* Dopefest 2003, in no particular order:
(* At least some of us were Valentineless.)
Irishman, Ayesha, LionSOB, CasperQ, Road Rash, Pravnick, Dolores Clairborne, DLurker (soon to be named ShortBus), Unclviny, Ringo, and of course Mamapotomus.
We began with a tasty dinner at the Hickory Hollow, with everyone wandering in on their own time. I was there first and early, and while still poking around to see if anyone else was there, I overheard someone asking about some reserved tables and being told they were for a group at eight, so I figured that was us. Yep.
Dinner was pretty good, and we had rounds of various conversations that nobody kept track of. As typical, it devolved into multiple conversations at alternate ends of the table. There was also a live band in the back (around the corner and out of sight), so it wasn’t the quietest place.
The medium chicken fried steak platter was “freaking huge”.
Once they kicked us out of there (“Hey, I think they’re trying to close,”), we walked next door to Cosmos, a bar/club. While en route, we spotted the Houston 420 store across the street, one of those adult “accessories” stores. Whereupon we learned that one time Mamapotamus had here ear fondled by the owner of the 420. She has this earring in the top part of her ear, and he came up behind her and started rubbing it. HELLO!!
I wonder about people. What is it that makes it okay to walk up to strangers and start touching them. I mean pregnant women (let me feel your stomach), bald men (rub that head for luck), etc. What’s the deal? I think I want to start a new trend of touching people on the nose. “Hello” poke. Sounds fun, no?
After paying the $5 cover charge to hear some band I didn’t write down the name of, we found us a row of tables. On the way, Mamapotomus got her ass touched by a hot waitress. Dang it, I get in trouble when I do that.
Then the “booze band” (that’s blues band, deaf boy) started to play. Since we couldn’t hear a thing, and really came to talk, we confused the waitress by locating out to the patio. The patio on February - always a smart move. We had the place to ourselves. Just pull up some metal tables and metal chairs (to better soak up the cold), and viola - fun for all. And then a group decided they had to fix the fountain. There was a small fountain with a face that spouts water, and someone felt it needed to be on. After much scrambling around by various and sundry dopers, LionSOB finally got it running, and the X-mas lights in the bushes turned on.
At least on the patio we could enjoy the moon - a big, shiny full moon.
Conversations resumed, whereupon I overheard something about a “balloon fetish”. ???
And then some weird thing about men having their bellies inflated - air pumped into their bellies so they puff out. WTF? Some of us are trying to keep that from happening.
Since fetishes and such were being discussed, someone mentioned Real Dolls. These are not your old generation sex toy. Anthropomorphic dolls of women made from metal frames covered in silicone skin, with the feel of real skin. They’re actually kind of creepy. I mean, they come in a crate that you can store them in. I just have to think, suppose you start dating someone new. At what point do you introduce them to your Real Doll? But some guys like the idea of keeping their girlfriend in a box in the closet.
Mamapotomus told us about her precocious daughter, who was seen rubbing her ribs and exclaiming “boobies”. Where did she get that? First thought - “Which tape did I leave in the VCR?”
At one point, the waitress arrived carrying a couple handfuls of drinks, and walked up behind me. Right about this point someone said something funny, and I popped back in surprise, bumping the beer glass with my head. Yep, once again I go home smelling like someone else’s beer. So she had to apologize, and even hugged me. Hmmm, think I’ll find away to bump more drinks.
I also informed everyone of my recent speeding ticket experience. Last March I was pulled over in the south end of Dallas. I was told to call in 10 days. So I did, and was informed they hadn’t got that far in the tickets and call back at the end of the month. Okay. I did, and was informed “not yet, call back next month”. Um, okay. It happened a third time. Now I would be thrilled if they somehow misplaced my ticket and saved me the hassle, but it would be just my luck to ignore it and they put out a bench warrant on me for failure to appear. I did take down the clerk’s name. Okay, finally in September I get a letter telling me they’ve processed my ticket and set a court date. That’s right - March to September. And I have 30 days to respond. How nice of them.
I opt for the defensive driving. I asked about deferred adjudication, but they said I’d have to take DD anyway. Well, I get all this sorted out in the mail at the end of November, right before going out of town for the holidays for a month. Finally I get back, and need to get finished up. I decide to try defensive driving online, because it’s supposed to be quick and easy, and schedule on your own time. I sign up, and find out they use multimedia programs (streaming video) as part of the course. Because of various connection problems, most notably using dial up, this 6 hours of defensive driving take me four days to complete. I would work through two hours of waiting for the downloads, and get burned out and just have to take a break.
Road Rash told us about adventures with Disney. A friend who had worked at Disney as Goofy, wearing the costume, had been there one hot day. At one point, bending over a child, some sweat fell off his forhead and out the mouth opening onto the child’s head. “Mommy, Goofy just spit on me!”
Someone first encountered self-flushing toilets at Disney. What’s fun is when they flush before you actually get up.
Dolores Clairborne told us she hooks the balls. I mean, she bowls.
A train went by, seranading us with the lovely sounds of the horn. Ringo “Hey, I recognize that guy.” Seems the train engineers have their own patterns for blowing the horn, and Ringo lives near enough that he regularly hears that train.
Someone mentioned the string of “whore” threads. “Ask the guy who used to date asian whores.” “Ask the guy who used to date cheap Asian whores.” Or whatever. The specifics didn’t get written down.
Somehow the topic of beasteality came up. “The animals look happy.” The horse thinking, “This is my lucky day.” Um, right.
Naturally, someone had to mention Monica Lewinsky, and saving the stain on her dress. “She probably thought it was the shot of the world.” - DLurker
Apparently The Rock (the wrestler/actor) has the sexiest man-boobies.
Mamapotomus took her daughter to the Ren Festival, and she wanted to go for a ride on the elephant. She had with her a special pink backpack. After getting on the elephant, just before the elephant began it’s stroll, it reached up with its trunk and grabbed the backpack, and plopped it in its mouth. “Mommy, the elephant is eating my packback!” Then she starts hitting the elephant’s head. “No, don’t anger the elephant.” The trainer hits the elephant with a stick and tells it to put the backpack down, so it spits it out, all chewed up and soggy.
I have a note that says “Scylla - ‘The Killer Blimp’”. I’m not sure what that means.
Someone told us about Terrifica and Fantastico. Terrifica is a lady with a web site, claims she’s a superhero - even has a costume. She finds drunk women and intervenes to convince them not to go home with men. Fantastico is her “arch enemy”.
After a while, people had to depart, leaving only a handful of us left. We wandered inside. The band wasn’t bad. Then we saw a guy in the audience wearing an orange safety vest and a sliver construction helmet. “It’s one of the Village People!”
I noticed the decor included a severed head. There was a mannequin head on the wall, tilted at an odd angle.
For those who left, Pravnick had a much better Valentine’s Day than the rest of us. The waitress commented to CasperQ that Pravnick was cute. After a little nudging, they exchanged phone numbers. Now why doesn’t this ever happen to me?
Shortly after that, the rest of us departed.
