Yes, I’m curious too.
Hi Frank, it’s your future-self here coming to give you some advice.
You want to know the best aphrodisiac you have on your side? Right, it’s not the looks… you’re no Adonis. No, it’s not your intelligence. Sure, you’re smart, but that isn’t going to get you that first date. It’s confidence. Whoa, hang on there tiger; you’ve got it all wrong. That thing you’re doing right there… yeah, that. That’s arrogance. You need to tone that down and just concentrate on confidence.
Look, here’s the difference. If you go up to her “knowing” that she’ll say yes, it’s arrogance. If you go up to her and you’re too shy, that’s insecurity. What you need to do is ask her out somewhere neutral, but do it with the confidence that if she turns you down, you will be disappointed but not heart-broken.
Don’t build it up in your head. Just go over to her - even if it’s not convenient. No, I take that back… ESPECIALLY if it’s not convenient. Say to her, “Hi Inga! I’m Frank. I’d like to get to know you. Can we get some coffee after class today?” Oh, and do this publically. No, don’t put out a big sign or make a big show of it. Just don’t make it seem like you’re waiting for the right moment. Ask her the next time you see her. The more of her friends around, the better.
There are a few key elements here.
#1. You stated your intention. Don’t leave it up to her to assume. Don’t say “I was wondering if you wanted to…”. Don’t say that because she doesn’t. And it’s weak. Right, she doesn’t want to know you better; at least not as much as you want to. If she did, she’d have found her way over to you by now. Your goal is to tell her what you want and how she can accomplish that. Once you’re on your date, you can do the chit-chat and feel-out if she’s enjoying herself and wants to get to know you more.
#2. You’ve put the ball in her court. You know what’s harder than the fear of rejection? Actually rejecting someone. You’re probably still jittery about asking her in front of other people. But that pressure is working to your advantage. Yes, there’s a decent chance she’ll say no. Probably a better chance that she’ll say no than if you asked her privately! But when will you ever get the chance to ask her privately? And if she’s too worried about the opinion of her peers, she’s probably too shallow or immature for your tastes anyway. But here’s the best part… if she says yes, you’ve got a date… and if she says no, you’ve got the respect and adoration of the 2 dozen other ladies in the area. That sounds crazy, but trust me, it works. Someone in that group will be interested in you simply because you had the stones to risk it all like that. If Inga says no, you’ll be beating them back with a stick. Trust me.
#3. You’ve put a deadline on the offer. She can’t weasel out and say, “I dunno… maybe later,” and leave you hanging. As for the “confidence” factor, you’ve basically said, “Hey, it’s now or never.” But still, be somewhat flexible. If she says, “Not today,” immediately suggest another time. If she refuses that time, ask her if there’s a time in the next week that is good for her. If she says no, say something dismissive without completely closing the door. “Perhaps another time then. It was nice to meet you. See you around.” And just walk away. Don’t beg. Don’t suggest a million different times. You’ve gotten your answer and you’ve demonstrated to Inga and everyone else that you’re totally cool with the rejection and that it makes little difference to you.
Frank, follow these rules and you’ll be a hit. Trust me.