How can I approach this girl in a way that's not creepy?

[lobotomyboy63]

IIRC you said something about seeing her in a track uniform and concluding that she must be in track. If you can confirm that (school website maybe?), you could say, “Hey, good luck against Central High next week!” Or would it be team tryouts at this point? Any other activities she’s in, like maybe a chorus concert next week or…?

Too rah rah? I don’t know. As others have said, see if use what you find on Facebook, stuff you have in common. I agree not to make it a barrage of questions, but one or two small ones probably wouldn’t hurt.

Any idea how strong her English is? I’d use simple English in writing to her if you aren’t sure.

One thing I’ve noticed over the years: if a girl/woman is interested in giving the guy a chance, the approach can be far from perfect. OTOH if the girl/woman isn’t interested, the perfect approach won’t carry the day.

Meanwhile, tick tock!

[Frazzled]

See if you can find something that is written in German in your town. Make sure it’s small and portable - a trinket or a pamphlet. Also important is that this come from a period of time in Germany that Germans are proud of and would talk about, nothing from WW1 or WW2. The next time you see her, go over to her and show her what you found and ask her to translate it for you. If she’s friendly she will talk about it, and it gives you an opening to ask questions and have a conversation.

[Millit_the_Frail]

@Vox_Imperatoris

I thought of that; I don’t know what I’ll do.

And I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to send her a message, but for the life of me, I can not think of anything to say beyond the initial “Hey, how are you?” Obviously, asking her to do anything straight after that would be unacceptable, but what else can I say? And jumping to questions like, “What kind of sports do you play? What kind of music do you listen to? What do you like to do on the weekends?” sounds like an interrogation.

Valete,
Vox Imperatoris

I’ve read through this entire thread, and approximately 34 posters have given you suggestions on what to talk about next. I am a fan of “Hey, I like Blumchen, you’re from Germany, what do you think of her?” and “I’ve never been to Germany, what’s it like, how do you like it here, what’s different, and what do you miss?” But any number of things will work. Start out with some small talk; talk about the freaking weather if you must, if you don’t feel like questioning her right away.

This thread has a larger pattern, though. You’ve got a self-defeating, self-fulfilling prophecy going on here, my friend. It seems that you believe that, no matter what you do, it’s probably going to be the Wrong Thing. You’re intelligent, well-educated, and probably a perfectionist. You’re much more afraid of failure than you are of never trying. At 16, I was the same way. I saw the dating world as yet another area where I had to earn straight As and have a perfect record. You know what, though? There isn’t always one right answer in dating. Sometimes, there’s absolutely nothing you can do. You might approach her in the perfect way, with the perfect pickup line, with the perfect date, and she still might turn you down. But you know what else? That’s OK. There’s no one standing over you, keeping score over how many rejections you’ve gotten. You get up and move on. You’ve still got 99% of the girls at your school to choose from and millions more outside. And that’s the worst case scenario.

Maybe I’m all wrong about this, but I see a lot of myself at 16 in this thread (female, though), and fear of failure was a big reason why I took so few risks. Only a few years later, it all hit home–the consequences of failure in this way are so minute, and the potential payoffs of success so great. Just have some self-confidence, something to put your mind out of this certainty that you’re going to fail. Because you very well might not!

Hasta la vista…BABY,
Millit the Frail

[An_Gadai]

@Frazzled

See if you can find something that is written in German in your town. Make sure it’s small and portable - a trinket or a pamphlet. Also important is that this come from a period of time in Germany that Germans are proud of and would talk about, nothing from WW1 or WW2. The next time you see her, go over to her and show her what you found and ask her to translate it for you. If she’s friendly she will talk about it, and it gives you an opening to ask questions and have a conversation.

“Hey, I’ve got this book called Mein Kampf, it looks like a right romp of a read, what do you make of it?”

[Tarwater]

@Vox_Imperatoris

I thought of that; I don’t know what I’ll do.

And I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to send her a message, but for the life of me, I can not think of anything to say beyond the initial “Hey, how are you?” Obviously, asking her to do anything straight after that would be unacceptable, but what else can I say? And jumping to questions like, “What kind of sports do you play? What kind of music do you listen to? What do you like to do on the weekends?” sounds like an interrogation.

Valete,
Vox Imperatoris

Just send her a link to this thread. This cannot not work.

[Boyo_Jim]

Begin all sentences with, “I don’t mean to sound creepy…”

[Loach]

@An_Gadai

“Hey, I’ve got this book called Mein Kampf, it looks like a right romp of a read, what do you make of it?”

[Basil Fawlty] Don’t talk about the war. [/Basil Fawlty]

[NineToTheSky]

Believe me, I have nothing but sympathy for your position. I know how difficult it is to make that first move. But you have a black or white decision. Contact her or don’t. Saying on Facebook ‘I’ve seen you at school. Would you like to meet up sometime?’ took me about fifteen seconds to type (I’m a very bad typist). You can do that whatever state you and your teeth are in.

You’ve had huge amounts of advice as to what to say to her when you see her. As I’ve said before, my opinion is not to over-plan it: you don’t want to feel that you’ve got to read from a script. You’ll know pretty quickly if the two of you hit it off. If you do, the conversation will naturally flow. You don’t rehearse what you’re going to say when you meet up with your friends, do you?

There are those in life who won’t make that first move, and those that will. You’ve probably seen it in your school. Everything that can be said to help, support and prod you has been. It’s now down to you.

[Sapo]

@Boyo_Jim

Begin all sentences with, “I don’t mean to sound creepy…”

Creepitus soundidibus non est.

[Zeriel]

This thread is like looking at my 15-yr-old self in a mirror. The only necessary advice is go up to the chick and ask her out on a date. You have nothing to lose.

And, if you’re me, once you start doing this you’ll find that 60%+ of chicks will say “sure, sounds like fun”, because not many people are really all that much losers in high school.

[PuddingCat]

Frankly I’m not seeing much point in any more suggestions or encouragement. Every idea is rebutted, often weakly - I can’t type a message, I’m having a tooth out.

Dude - if you like this girl then take advice from any of many excellent suggestions so far. If not then stop drawing this out.

T.

[Neverender]

Ok, Vox. I don’t know if this is the effect exposure to 4chan has had on me, and I don’t mean to be actually insulting, but seriously, FUCKING DO IT ALREADY.

I was kinda in your situation when I started Uni, and had just split up from my ex. Make the most of being in school for getting girls, It’s a hell of a lot easier than anywhere else in life!
Anyways, I met my girlfriend at Uni, and basically this is how it went;
I used to just catch her eye, throw her a smile every so often. Eventually, I found her myspace page, just said Hi etc, asked her how she was finding the course and what not. Started talking more online, and a little in person.
Keep building the conversation up, ask about her hobbies, family and stuff. Find out what she likes, then invite her out somewhere.
Really try and gauge how interested she is, then decide if you’re gonna make a move, or maybe leave it 'til next time (if there will be a next time).
It took me around two months of this kinda thing before we got together, but there was the issue of a boyfriend to get around first…

Sorted. So;
Man up, and make some eye contact, and smile. Not like a leery pervy smile, don’t just smirk, a nice genuine friendly smile.
If you’re gonna Facebook her, the track thing is the PERFECT excuse to start a conversation you’ve been waiting for. Just do it already, it’s basically your only choice if there’s no time in the day for you to see her in person, and you’re unwilling to skip anything to see her*.

Remember, a journey of a thousand miles has to start with a single step.

*Assuming you manage to get with her, will you go out of your way to see her then? I’m assuming you should be old enough by now not to be too bothered if your school goes running to your 'rents if you skip class.

Again, I’m sorry if any of this comes across as truly insulting, but it’s about time you really did something about this situation before it’s too late and she gets with someone.
Remember, it’s Valentines day this Saturday and someone else may like her, and use V day to get in there. And succeed. So time is of the essence, or you WILL die a virgin.
Maybe.

[NineToTheSky]

@trmatthe

Frankly I’m not seeing much point in any more suggestions or encouragement. Every idea is rebutted, often weakly - I can’t type a message, I’m having a tooth out.

Dude - if you like this girl then take advice from any of many excellent suggestions so far. If not then stop drawing this out.

T.

Vox:
This is/should be/must be The. Final. Word.

[Algorithm]

Stop thinking, stop posting, stop stalling, stop making excuses.

Start talking to her. Doesn’t matter how. Doesn’t matter what. Just talk to her.

[Frazzled]

The reason you’re so nervous is that you want to ask her out without having had any interraction. That’s like trying to score a touchdown from your own 20. It can be done, but it’s hard and all you see is the distance you have to go. Instead, shoot for the first down, that’s only 10 yards. Just find the time to talk to her and actually try to get communication going. Once you know you can talk to her, then you can ask her out.
Be reasonable with what you want to accomplish and you’ll be more likely to actually do it.

[lobotomyboy63]

@Frazzled

The reason you’re so nervous is that you want to ask her out without having had any interraction. That’s like trying to score a touchdown from your own 20. It can be done, but it’s hard and all you see is the distance you have to go. Instead, shoot for the first down, that’s only 10 yards. Just find the time to talk to her and actually try to get communication going. Once you know you can talk to her, then you can ask her out.
Be reasonable with what you want to accomplish and you’ll be more likely to actually do it.

Yeah, Vox, think of it that way. And realize that if you message her and she messages you back, that will build your confidence and make the next step easier for you.

You have her built up in your mind as this unattainable babe…I’m sure she has flaws like anybody else. And sometimes those real beauties don’t get asked out much because all the guys expect to be shot down.

But if it isn’t meant to be, it’s better to end the agonizing IMO.

Dude, can you put on your social sciences labcoat and treat this as a learning curve moment? Even if she goes out with you, there’s an excellent chance you’re never going to get married to her. But there are many, many babes in the world and you’ll almost certainly need the same skills at later times in your life.

FWIW, others have stated upthread “Where were you when I was 16?” and I think they may have been talking about advice I gave. Um, I was Vox. Sometimes I still am Vox.

But I’ve read some of this in books, tried to vary my approach, watched what others do, etc. I wish I was as suave (I like to pronounce it “swayve”) as my ideas might imply. Anyway I delayed my own learning curve quite a bit and I hope Vox doesn’t hesitate so much.

Bust a move, young squire!

[Vox_Imperatoris]

@Frazzled

The reason you’re so nervous is that you want to ask her out without having had any interraction. That’s like trying to score a touchdown from your own 20. It can be done, but it’s hard and all you see is the distance you have to go. Instead, shoot for the first down, that’s only 10 yards. Just find the time to talk to her and actually try to get communication going. Once you know you can talk to her, then you can ask her out.
Be reasonable with what you want to accomplish and you’ll be more likely to actually do it.

I know, and that’s the problem. If it were a good idea to just ask her out right off the bat, it would be a lot easier because there’s really only one question to ask, and, like many people have said, she can only say yes or no. But I don’t think that is a very good idea. It’s a lot harder (IMO) to start an actual conversation with someone you know nothing substantial about and who knows even less about you, without being at some event or in some organization in which you might naturally have to talk to one another. That said, I promise that by the time I post again, I will have contacted her in some way.

Valete,
Vox Imperatoris

[zweisamkeit]

@Vox_Imperatoris

I know, and that’s the problem. If it were a good idea to just ask her out right off the bat, it would be a lot easier because there’s really only one question to ask, and, like many people have said, she can only say yes or no. But I don’t think that is a very good idea. It’s a lot harder (IMO) to start an actual conversation with someone you know nothing substantial about and who knows even less about you, without being at some event or in some organization in which you might naturally have to talk to one another. That said, I promise that by the time I post again, I will have contacted her in some way.

Valete,
Vox Imperatoris

Jesus God, man, you’ve been given how many suggestions for starting the damn conversation?

[NAF1138]

You know what, at this point…I say walk away from this one. You clearly have a block of some sort Vox. It isn’t going to happen for you with this chick, go out and find a new one.

[Jimmy_Chitwood]

@Vox_Imperatoris

I know, and that’s the problem. If it were a good idea to just ask her out right off the bat, it would be a lot easier because there’s really only one question to ask, and, like many people have said, she can only say yes or no. But I don’t think that is a very good idea. It’s a lot harder (IMO) to start an actual conversation with someone you know nothing substantial about and who knows even less about you, without being at some event or in some organization in which you might naturally have to talk to one another. That said, I promise that by the time I post again, I will have contacted her in some way.

Look, man, if the onslaught of advice is too much here, and you want an actionable morsel, how about this? Let’s start small. How about you just comment on her latest Facebook status update or posting or whatever? Just lie about being interested in it. Christ, post her Facebook status here and I will make up some bullshit small talk for you. If you do it in sloppy German hilariously calling yourself a fish, or something, you’re almost guaranteed a response, I bet.

When you get back here with the reason why the above can’t possibly work, we’ll move on from there.

And yeah, I know you said you already will have contacted her, but I bet you’ll check the thread without posting anyway.