How can I find out what was in Mom's will without asking Dad?

Factual Questions
41

Is your mother still alive? If so, you are out of luck. If she has passed, I think the only legitimate way to get a copy of her will (other than asking for it) is to go to the probate court. I would call the courthouse of the county where she owned property or lived. Some counties have separate probate courts, others are combined - just ask the clerk’s office.

I disagree with some of the other posters - even if she died recently and even if she didn’t own land there is a good chance the will was filed (after her death). It worth a fe calls.

Also, it is very common in a will for one to leave EVERYTHING to a surviving spouse. Specific bequests are the exception. Perhaps this is what the will provided, but your father is thinking its unfair to you and wants to make a gift of some piece of jewelry or something, particularly in light of your mother’s comments.

42

Look, I didn’t come in to start a fight with anybody. Especially not Alice, who I actually rather like. All I’m saying is that there seems to be a lot of questioning as to “why not just approach the executor who is a family Member”, when it seems clear there may be valid, painful, personal family reasons as to why that might be the first path to take.

In the OP, improbably blonde said:

and I think it’s pretty clear from that that she had a valid reason, whatever it might be, to avoid involving him. The question becomes a simple “are wills in fact a matter of public record or are they a private contract not open to the public; if they are in fact public, how do I go about a discovery process?”

There was then a question back as to “Why don’t you just ask your dad?” A perfectly legitimate question from a conversational standpoint or a fact-finding one, but one which also may seem to be prying or aside from the point of the OP.

And, then, the first exchange in this thread set things off, when the “Duh” was used in a dismissive manner by improbably blonde.

The OP could have been more clear, but it’s also not relevant to the actual OP why improbably blonde didn’t want to approach her father. However, the “Duh” in response to Alice was a really in-the-face statement which assumed the worst about the suggestion, and wasn’t really called for.

People need to just count to ten, do some office Tai Chi excercises, imagine a scenario where the other person isn’t trying their best to purposefully offend them, and try to work together here. Alice had good advice, as did many other people here such as lulu37, and it seems the question has been answered pretty well.

43

Maybe she thought your brother and sister were less able to take care of themselves financially?

44

I’m perfectly willing to credit that blond has valid reasons for not wishing to discuss the matter with her father. However, I think you’re wrong about those reasons being irrelevant to the original discussion. Someone who knows the law knows that it is much more difficult (and in some circumstances, legally inappropriate) to try and do an end-run around the executor. Therefore, if the reason blond had for not wanting to ask her dad is merely embarassment, then she needs to get over it. If it is more serious, there may be options, but they do not come without costs of their own.

Had blond not wished to get into all her reasons in this forum (which, from her answer to alice’s original question, don’t actually seem that looming, tho’ of course that’s merely a guess), she certainly didn’t have to. But instead of merely demurring, she was insulting and dismissive. As I said in my original post, that’s the type of shit we have to put up with from people who are paying us a lot of money – it’s not acceptable from a perfect stranger who has come in here, hat in hand, to solicit free legal advice and then chooses to ignore it when it comes and insult the people who are willing to assist her.

More importantly, though, blond continued her anti-alice crusade once the discussion had moved on and alice had begun to address other issues to which had come up in the thread. blond isn’t allowed to dictate the discussion here regardless of the fact that she’s the OP. This is a public forum, not her private message board. If she didn’t like the way the discussion was headed, she was perfectly free to stop visiting the thread. Instead, she played the all-too-familiar card of threatening to storm off and never darken our door again, then showing up again full of righteous indignation.

BTW, yes, your grandmother can name executors in the alternative in case her first choice does not survive her.

–Cliffy

45

It seems to me that if the OP wants to know what’s in Mom’s Will, she either:

  1. has to ask Dad for this info or to actually see his copy;

  2. she has to ask the attorney who drew up the Will (assuming this was the case) for a copy which she would be entitled to receive if she were an “interested party” (our office would do this even before the Will got filed in the case of a death AND there was an anticipated probate).

  3. If the Will was a public record, she could personally get or order by mail a copy of the filed Will. This, of course, would cost money as there would be copying & perhaps “searching” charges. Not to burst anyone’s balloon, but actually speaking to a human person in many County Clerks offices is almost impossible nowadays, so my experience was a personal visit or a mail request was almost always necessary.

  4. Hire a psychic.

46

Cliffy, my point is that due to lack of verbosity, it may have been difficult for people to read the emotion and intent of the other. What you say is fine and good, and if initial repsonse was inclusive of that level of detail, then perhaps someone in an emotional situation might have not responded with the “Duh”. Family wills/bequests/executor issues are typically fraught with emotional landmines, after all.

And I said quite clearly that the “Duh” was dismissive and non-constructive. And I said as to Alice’s response, and I quote, “A perfectly legitimate question from a conversational standpoint or a fact-finding one, but one which also may seem to be prying or aside from the point of the OP.” (emphasis added) So you don’t need to jump on me to defend your friend, as all I said that her question was legitimate, but that it may seem to be prying.

I was saying that people got off to the wrong foot, and and if everyone stepped back and assumed that Alice was trying to help (as she was) and that blonde was not purposefully trying to be antagonistic (and I believe she wasn’t trying to purposefully be antagonistic), then maybe people would be able to communicate better here in GQ.

47

Una, your points are valid; however, I have to point out one thing.

If a person doesn’t want public input on a problem, including questions that may or may not be valid to the problem (and I think mine was), they shouldn’t post them on a public message board.

Furthermore, if they DO go ahead and post and someone answers the question (correctly, I might add) it is the height of arrogance and rudeness to not only dismiss that persons input, but to then tell them they’re no longer allowed to post in the thread (located in a public forum).

I believe the rules of GQ involve providing factual information. There is no mention of providing information that the original OP wants to hear.

And finally, just for the record, I hope that blond sorts out her problems with the will, and gets the information she seeks. That being said, bereavement is no excuse for rudeness. I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say that this time of year is difficult for me and my family as well. Blond does not have the market cornered on family tragedy.

48

I think the three of us are on the same page here – now let’s team up and fight crime!

–Cliffy

49

Ooo, excellent!

Finally an excuse to wear these nifty red tights and matching cape!

:smiley:

50

As your attorney I must point out the fine print on said cape: “This garment does not enable the wearer to fly.”

51

I see this thread keeps going and going. As I said, I stopped reading when my question was answered, but some people want to have the last word a dozen times I guess.

Well, by now you must all be waiting to find out what happened.
I took Alice’s’ advice, called my dad a lying thief, he admitted that Mom’s will had been burned because she left her only asset, a giant diamond ring to me. Then he’d sold the ring on EBay, but shipped it uninsured and the receiver denied receiving it. Now penniless, he stole my car and traded it on the streets for a stolen gun, and killed himself. The police kept the gun, so I am now homeless, carless, and Dad is unclaimed baggage at the morgue.

All questions asked and answered.

*NOW *can somebody please lock this thread?

52

P.S. Somebody likes me.

This takes a little of the sting out of this board for me:

53

Check whether your father left a will. Maybe you can sell the gun.

54

Moderators do not routinely read every single thread due to Board speed issues and conenction problems. If you want the thread locked, mail one of the GQ Moderators and request it of them.

I’m sorry for the loss of your mother, father, car, and ring.

55

I think you are suffering from a rather fundamental misunderstanding regarding what a public message board is. Just because you’re the OP doesn’t mean you have the authority to end a discussion by fiat. You might have come here seeking help for your own personal problem, but that doesn’t make a discussion thread your own personal domain. Rather than ask for the thread to be locked, I think it would be more appropriate to ask a moderator to remind you about proper posting etiquette in this forum.

56

blond, I’ve reported that rather abuseive thread to a moderator.

As I said previously, if you don’t want to read my posts, use the ignore function God gave you.