First of all, while I’ve still got the link handy, let me throw out my usual mention of Cecil’s Place, an on-line support group I set up for depressed Dopers. Please consider it one more lifeline for anyone who needs it. Mithril, please point your brother in that direction if you like.
Finding free or low-cost mental health care is difficult, but right now, I’d say it’s essential. When I was in a similar situation 10 years ago, I found any number of places which would treat me if I was a recovering drug or alcohol addict, but none which would treat me for depression alone until one night when I called a suicide hotline after searching my apartment for anything remotely lethal. Mithril, this will take time and hassle, but if you could do the calling and make the rounds for your brother, that would be best. In this case, I’d say it’s not enabling him in his depression; it’s doing something he cannot do himself. You see when I received each “No”, whatever the reason, anger, depression, and my mental and emotional paralysis increased. Please, please stress to him that depression can be treated and that he does need and deserve help. I didn’t seek help because I thought I couldn’t be helped and because other people needed and deserved help more until one day I wound up flat on my back in a mental hospital close to catatonic, almost voiceless, almost speechless. All of a sudden, there weren’t many people left who needed help more.
One thing which worked well for a friend of mine is ACOA, Adult Children of Alcoholics. The name is misleading – while it does refer to “Children of Alcholics”, in practice the people at the meetings she attended saw it more as “Adult Children of Anything”. It’s free, mostly non-judgemental support, and the link I gave you does have instructions on how to find a meeting in your area.
One of the worst things about depression is the feeling of being utterly alone and misunderstood, especially if you’re the only person in your family who suffers from it or who has confronted it. Simply finding out that other people have been through this and I wasn’t a freak or a failure was a big help.
I’m going to offer you one caution about mailing your brother. One of the ways depression manifests itself for me is a reluctance to open my mail, especially when money’s tight. As a result, a good friend of mine wrote me two letters which I didn’t have the courage to open for fear they’d be telling me how much he hated me and how awful a person I was. It turns out they were love letters, but I’ll never know what was in them because I threw them out unopened because I was too afraid to look. While I don’t know about what your brother’s like, if he sees an envelope in the mail from you, he may assume it’s full of you telling him everything that’s wrong with him and throw it away unopened.
One other piece of very heartfelt advice to any person dealing with a friend or family member who has low self-esteem and or depression. Do not tell them “All you need to do is accept yourself as you are,” then tell them everything they need to change. You see, speaking from first hand experience, the second half (or 4/5ths more usually, based on the length of the conversation) directly contradicts the first half, leaving the person you’re speaking to feeling more depressed and like more of a loser than when the conversation started off. I know you mean well, and I know you’re trying to help, but I also know how the mind of a depressed person distorts things and filters out the positive, allowing only the negative to come through. [Depressed person’s thinking]After all, why would anyone say anything positive about a creature like me?* 
[/Depressed person’s thinking]
Look, as I said, finding a good therapist isn’t easy, and there are some god-awful ones out there, but a very good one in Pittsburgh got me through last winter when I, too, was laid off and clinically depressed. Anti-depressants do have widely variable effects on people. Zoloft was not right for me – it left me puking my guts out on the starter dose and on half the starter dose, gave me the only bout of heartburn I’ve ever had. Wellbutrin left me jittery and gave me nightmares. On the other hand, Paxil, which I took 10 years ago when I was sorting things out, worked quite nicely, and I didn’t suffer the reduction in libido which some have, although being engaged and madly in love with that friend I mentioned (I finally did work out that he loved me) probably played a part. Friends, even friends who suffer from this disease can help, but even with the best of hearts and intentions, they can only do so much. I count among my friends some of the finest, best-meaning people in the world, but it was two good therapists who taught me how to manage this disease.
Bippy, congratulations. You have described exactly what goes through my head when Mum offers to come over and help me clean up, although I can’t cook, either.
Mithril, I know this isn’t easy on you or your brother, and either of you are welcome to e-mail me if you need to. Depression does tend to paralyze. I know. I’ve been lying in bed, full of tears and pain, wishing to die. There’s been a phone six inches from my hand, and the number of a good friend has been running through my hand, yet, stubborn and strong-willed as I am, I have been unable to will my hand to move those six inches and call on that friend. It’s not your fault; it’s not your brother’s fault. Tell yourself that as often as you need to. It’s a disease, like diabetes or heart disease. Like diabetes and heart disease, it can be managed, controlled, and treated. Please, tell your brother there is hope and it can better. I know. I’ve been there, done that, and lost the t-shirt in the mess. I’ve survived, and I’d like to continue helping others to survive. If you need a hug or a shoulder to lean on, I’m hear. For you, I’ll even clean my apartment! 
Good luck and be well,
CJ
Either way, he’ll be better off for at least a few days.
… :rolleyes:nahhh… it’s quite misunderstood though.