How can I rekindle that...you know

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

This is embarrassing, but folks, here’s the situation:

I’m madly in love with my wife. Even after all these years, I know that she’s the one for me, and I have no wish for anything to come between us. She and I are indeed soulmates.

But when it comes to making love … well, I’m often at a bit of a loss.

(Thank God this message board is anonymous.)

Anyway, my wife is a beautiful young lady who looks great naked, or in sexy lingerie, or in a bikini, or… you get the idea. When we make love (or try to), she is encouraging, loving, accepting … and often disappointed.

Phew. There, I said it. I can’t pleasure my wife. Not as often as I’d like, anyway.

Do you Dopers have any suggestions? Herbal supplements? Diet ideas? Doctor’s prescriptions?

Folks, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is out and I can’t even get worked up about that. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m only 42; am I over the hill?

Any ideas gladly considered. Thanks!

#2

Have you had a physical lately? Taking any medications? High blood pressure can interfere with your sex drive as well as certain medications.

There is a difference between not being aroused and not being able to maintain an erection. Which one is it?

If you’re experiencing a general apathy toward sex, it may be a normal change in sex drive - which can swing back just as suddenly as it went bye-bye. You may also be experiencing some mild depression. Try a romantic vacation. Heck, even a hotel room and an x-rated movie can work wonders sometimes :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Cardio-vascular problems and some medications can hinder your ability to get and/or maintain an erection. Best to speak to your doctor if this is your problem.

#3

It sounds like he’s referring to a technique problem to me. Is that what it is? If so, there’s nothing like asking her straightforward what she wants.

#4

I dis agree he says he isn’t interested not that he isn’t pleasing her. Note that, “Folks, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is out and I can’t even get worked up about that.” quote.

If I am reading this right then it is in fact that he has lost interest and is not finding anything erotic.

If that is the case then hi thee to a physician. You either are having some kind of physical / hormonal problem or a phychological problem (IE clinical depression). Only an MD can say for sure.

In the mean time buck up. As long as the two of you are willing to tackle this problem together then things will work out.

#5

I will be 42 soon and do not have your problem, and I don’t have a wife willing to provide the motivation yours is. (She is beautiful, but, we have our own issues.) I think Degrance and Cillasi are both right. High tail it to a doctor.

#6

Here’s the deal. If you truely love her and really want to please her you might have to start doing things that are uncomfortable or highly uncharacteristic of you. What’s happened is that you’ve gotten to used to her and she’s too used to you.

Excercise. If you’ve got love handles, get rid of them. Work on getting that cardiovascular ability up so you’ll be able to last longer and get started faster. The point is to get both your heart rates up. You don’t need to turn into a grecian god…you just need to get your wife to reconceptualize you as a throbbing wall-of-lust. Just make some progress in getting your body into better shape, that combined with some of the other things I’m going to tell you will get you to that goal of making her think you’re a stone cold sex machine. Once you know you’re a sex machine, I am sure your libido will go up and your wife will enjoy it alot more.
She already knows you’re a loving and good guy…what she needs to realize now is that can give it to her like a pro (excuse my french).
Now I think it’s perfectly normal to have a waning libido. Seeing a doctor is fine, but I don’t think you have a medical problem. I think you’ve gotten stuck on the fact that you might not be a potent as you used to be. With that said, I don’t know the complexities of getting the stuff, but there’s always Viagra. Why go for those herbal supplements when you can get something that’s scietifically proven to work. You won’t need much…just enough to get your confidence up. Luckly, I’m still fairly young and dont need to use the stuff, but I think there’s no shame in it.

Whether you need Viagra or not, there’s one universal principle that applies to all males: When you got your lady ready to go, and you look down and see a diamond-hard boner you can break champange bottles over… . well there’s nothing better for your sex drive. You just want to give it to her and give it to her good. Now what I’m saying may sound insensitive and crass, but it’s the truth. She knows you love her as more than a sex object, but she wants to be treated like a sex-kitten every now and then too. Hell, we all do. It makes you feel more alive and young.

So when you’re ready to go, you need to try some freaky things with her that will get her heartbeat going. Something that will keep her on her toes. My advise is to take it one step higher than what she normally likes or is used to. You want to show her you’re a stud but you don’t want to scare her by being too aggressive. So if you are only used to straight vaginal missionary-style sex, well try going down on her. You can’t ask her or look for her approval either, you just gotta go down there with confidence. If she really does’nt like it, she will let you know. In either case, she’s starting to think of you as more than just the same ol guy she’s been married to. Let her know you are there to please her. Remember, the key is to get her adrenaline flowing from thinking of you as a sex object. One last thing, don’t make love to her, have sex with her. She’s used to making love, I’m sure she just wants some meaningless, hardcore sex and you’re the man to provide it to her. Making love to her is like the 7 course meal, having sex is like the sorbet that comes afterward to cleanse your pallet. That’s what you want to do now…cleanse her pallet.

That’s all I can really say now. The most important thing is to realize that just because you have’nt been able to spark it up in the bedroom does’nt mean you can’t. You just have to change who you are for the crucial time when y’all are in bed. Another important thing, talk to her. Let her know what’s up.