It is a VERY good sign… 
And the online girl who did this to me told me she didn’t have a job 
I know what you mean. After all, the first one may just be flirting for more attention.
After 11 years, you need to get a whole new set of shields, because she’ll have worn down the first ones, plus their backup systems, and will be priming for an unprotected attack. Still, I’ve a great deal of admiration for someone willing to plan an attack and wear down an enemy for that long.
I’m not.
Now everyone shut up, and pay attention to me.
Who cares ? All I need is time for her to see past the ugly exterior to the sweet loving interior (and my massive throbbing wallet ) 
Besides , I’m pretty sure I saw the word whore in the op.
Wait – I was thinking of the word slut :smack:
I hadn’t thought about this before, but I think you’re dead on. My ex-girlfriend certainly loved to cook for me.
My response to the OP is informed by an experience I had that is still ongoing. It began with a coworker who started paying attention to me, and making a lot of sexually sugestive comments too. We hung out a bit, and I was getting confused. So, I did something pretty basic and obvious: I asked her. Turns out she has TWO other men in her life, but she was straightforward about all of it, and no face was lost by either of us. We’ve agreed to be friends, on the condition that she cut out the coquetry, and that I let whatever she might slip through slide.
I’ve been down this road before, and had it end nowhere near this well. My best advice, based on this experience and others, is to just ask her. If her answer is ambiguous, then it means “no,” and you must then decide to either just be friends (if you can) or walk away. It is frustrating, because most of the time you WILL get an ambiguous answer. This is because if she were seriously interested in you and sure of it, you never would be doubting what is going on in the first place. That you have the need to ask at all basically tells you your answer, probably 90% of the time.
I think when a guy hangs out with a woman, unless one of them is openly gay, there’s a better than 50% chance he’s attracted to her. It’s just like that: men and women tend to like each other the more time they willingingly spend together.
I’ve given some thought to this, and I’ve concluded the only reason this is true is because there was no initial attraction to begin with. But that’s not destiny. I’ve known plenty of people who got involved after knowing each other for months or even years. If you wind up in the “friend zone,” then it was never meant to be anyway, because the chemistry wasn’t there. It might develop, but there’s no point waiting on it.
To JoeSki, wow.
What a story, I’d reccomend for your future dating strategy you seriously consider not involving a computor at all.
If it’s your major way of establishing communication with people ponder this; if all you are looking for is an online relationship, no problem.
But,
If you want a real, live relationship with a real, live human then I’d never try and “get to know” someone online first, merely because so many people’s online personas are totally different from their real self. Why not instead grow to know the real person, which is after all, the person you really want to spend time with, and then later get aquainted with their online self?
Not only do I agree, I could probably elaborate in agreement at great lengths.
I think someone who would truly be compatible for me is someone whom I’d meet while pursuing a career, education, or personal interest. There’s only going to be so many other people in the future niche I find for myself, and as my niche becomes more defined there will be less and less people sharing it with me. those are the people I will truly click with.
But I’m no where near my niche. I probably won’t be until I’m around twenty seven. I’m twenty one now and have very little actual experience treating girls on dates and having romance. I’ve picked up a lot of advice on this message board over time, and now I’m looking for someone I can use it all on, if only in the short term. Even if it doesn’t last, it will at least prepare me for properly approaching someone who has more in common with me later on.
Thing is, what I do now for work, school, and fun doesn’t exactly have me meeting many new people. For fun, I can stay inside my room for hours trying to take a good photograph of something, or going out to a particular excluded area for a different picture. I workout in my apartment’s 24/7 gym and job outside between the hours of 10:00pm-2am. For now, I go to a community college, which I think is a fine way to introduce ones self to college, but it’s not exactly filled with the most passionate of people. I plan on majoring in Psychology at a University after the summer semester. In my experience, the students in a psychology/sociology class in a community college don’t really care to talk about any of the assignments or book chapters. They’re there because they have to be. I like to read, but that’s not very social either, and the people I see in bookstores are usually hand in hand with their significant other. Same goes for movies. Dowtown Orlando is supposed to be the big way to meet girls, but I really don’t care to drink or to not drink and hang around with hundreds of people that are drinking. Not unless something really crazy is going on anyways.
I have friends, and I do go to parties every now and then, but I haven’t met anyone I’ve clicked with. Maybe it’s a personality thing. I do have ADD. I’ve been living in the same area for so long that I can’t look at anything without trying to pick up twenty different perspectives on it. My imagination is pretty much running on all cylinders at all times. I love driving far, and fast, and there doesn’t need to be a reason. My car can breakdown on the side of the road as I drive home from school today. I’d be fine, I have a Kurt Vonnegut book to read while I wait for somekind of assistence from a friend/relative. I don’t mind getting sick for a few days. My favorite time of 2007 so far is when I went camping for a single night, got hammered, woke up after three hours of sleep at 6:00am at about a sixty degree temperature, took down my tent, packed my bags, walked some fifty minutes through woods and drove an hour home so I could get dressed for a full day of work at which I’d show up at with a horrible hangover. Earlier this year a friend and I drove down to Key West for a single day. Eight hours there (I drove five on three hours of sleep!) and back, just to spend a few hours walking around. Last semester, I did 60 pages of math homework in one night after a full day of work and before a full day of school. It was harsh, but I enjoy having the experience.
I don’t hear from too many people that take to these experiences. A lot of people are already decided what’s going to make them happy or sad, and they rarely think about whether they could just appreciate the experience for what it is. They can enjoy a stinky cheese, or a spicy meat-a-ball, but they would ultimately be pissed if their roomates placed their bed on the roof of their apartment as they once did mine. I laughed. We had a prank war going on. I enjoy spectacles, and things that make for good ancedotes.
Sooo…I try the online realm where I can scan profiles for a personality that looks like mine. On paper the idea of having a website where people can lay out who there are and then be picked up by similiar people is rock solid. but then, so is communism.
So…yeah. I don’t know.
The edit option has passed me by…
I would like to clarify that the amendment to my profile I mentioned earlier did state that if someone was interested in me they’d have to IM, since I wasn’t going to be checking for mail on the site anymore.
So I have given OKCupid up, at least as far as actively pursuing girls go. They just have the option of contacting me if they choose to.
For all intents and purposes, good riddance.
But women read men’s minds about as well as men read women’s. And are about as secure as men are.
"Maybe he is gay. Maybe he likes my friend and wants to be friends with me to have an in with her (happens ALL THE TIME when you are sixteen - twenty one). "
I had a lovely guy friend I was sure was interested in me when I was nineteen. And he probably would have been, if he wasn’t already engaged. I was friends with a bunch of guys who might have been interested in me if I were older, but they were ten or fifteen years older than I was - and no amount of flirting (or outright propositioning) made them cross whatever ethical line they had.
If she picks the lice out of your fur and offers them to you to eat, you know you’re in.
I think the problem with guys our age trying online dating is that…most normal people our age haven’t resorted to that yet.
Most “normal” early-20s individuals are capable of socializing with the opposite sex and meeting people out in the real world. Sadly I’m still working on that.
To elaborate on the original situation, maybe “attention whore” was too strong of a descriptor. I’m talking about the kind of girl who gives you that vibe that you’re special, then you realize that she acts that way with everyone because she wants to be the center of attention.
This latest girl (we’ll call her K): we were out at the bar with our group of friends but she and I had never hung out together. At one point she approached me and motioned for me to dance with her.
Now, I do not dance. Don’t know how, don’t care to try, and will do everything in my power never to dance.
My friend (a girl, we’ll call her L) tells K that no amount of effort will convince me otherwise. Well something interesting happened. Because of my flat out refusal to dance with her, she actually ended up paying more attention to me over the course of the night than she probably would have if I had obliged. She even went as far as to put her arms around me at one point and sway me.
Each time she asked me (in a flirty way), I would refuse, but also in a flirty way (to the best of my flirting abilities at least). Then two nights later our whole group was out at another bar and she and I hung out a bit more (no dancing or music involved, it was a traditional bar).
But I assume that this is nothing different for her because she seems to act this way with all of the other guys. The real issue is she just broke up with her boyfriend, which I guess you might think is a good thing. Problem is she’s already hooked up with another guy in the group on at least one occasion, and likes him still, so she’s either already hooking up with him again, or will be in the near future. So I can’t decide if it’s even worth my trouble throwing my hat into the ring, so to speak, or just assume that she was just being her naturally flirty self and nothing more.
For my 4 cents’ worth, that sounds to me like a good working definition of “attention whore.” And “charismatic.” And “outgoing & sociable politician who knows how to work the room.” And a few other possible traits, both good and bad.
How do I tell whether a girl is interested? I’m starting to test a concept: She’s welcome to join me at something, at her own expense. (Partial example, as it happens, from this past weekend: “<such-and-such> garden sounds interesting. I think I’ll go tomorrow if the weather’s good. Feel free to join me.” And she did, at that!) What I’m trying out is the concept of not inviting the woman on a date; instead, inviting the woman to decide if she wants to spend time with me.
Online dating is the real world. I’m always confused when people assert that if you can accomplish something online, that you’re not in the real world. When people resort to computing to communicate, it is still the real world. Because as you guessed it, it involves real people. :eek:
Ah, this is just cynicism. Good looks are common. Another personality you can truly click with is much harder to come by. I suspect if your beauty had a real personality she would have no problem asking out a guy she thought he was all of the right kinds of funny and thought provoking.
It does happen. This message board is full of examples. It doesn’t happen to me (well, not with results anyways), but it does happen. There are good looking people who come to distinguish people who like them for their looks and people who like them for who they are. Guess which they prefer for long term relationships?
I’m just as qualified as anyone else in saying that there is a severe shortage of upstanding people wherever you go. I don’t suspect even beautiful women think they can simply pass their ideal match by because he didn’t say “Hi” first without later feeling regret.
In my experience (speaking as a woman), all you’ve tested is that I like you as a person to want to get to know you better. The problem is that - as a women - that doesn’t mean I’m the least bit interested in you romantically - and if that is all you are interested in and I’m not - we are going to have a communication problem.
I’m going to be rather insulted that you like me well enough to want to sleep with me, but aren’t interested in being “just friends” and want to know why you wasted my time if you didn’t like me as a person.
You are going to wonder why I led you on and made you think I was interested in you.
I was thinking about putting quotes around “real world” but ultimately decided against it.
Honestly? If she acts the same way around all the other guys it’s probably not going to turn out the way you want. If you decide to throw your hat in the ring anyway, do it sooner than later. It’ll only hurt more if you build it up in your mind before she rejects you, if she does that is.