[QUOTE=Soapbox Monkey]
I was thinking about putting quotes around “real world” but ultimately decided against it.
[/QUOTE]
It wouldn’t matter. You need to detatch yourself from the misconception that hooking up with others electronically isn’t somehow the real world.
And not just you, but others in the “real world” as well. 
[QUOTE=ParentalAdvisory]
It wouldn’t matter. You need to detatch yourself from the misconception that hooking up with others electronically isn’t somehow the real world.
And not just you, but others in the “real world” as well.
[/QUOTE]
Well I apologize, but I’ve been burned by people online in the past. Infact, someone I was very good friends with many years ago died of cancer, and my online group of friends learned just within the last year that it had all been a hoax, apparently as some sort of non-fiction research by said “deceased friend.”
I’m not trying to knock people for whom internet dating has been successful, but the simple fact of the matter is, until you meet someone in the flesh, you can’t trust them. It’s far too easy to go online and pretend to be someone you aren’t. Hence this place only being the “real world” and not the real world.
Hell, why do you think I’m so comfortable posting some of the questions I’ve asked here on the Straight Dope? It’s because I’m just an online moniker to you people, and while I appreciate the advice I get in those threads, the anonymity is what makes it so safe to ask those questions.
[QUOTE=ParentalAdvisory]
Online dating is the real world. I’m always confused when people assert that if you can accomplish something online, that you’re not in the real world. When people resort to computing to communicate, it is still the real world. Because as you guessed it, it involves real people. :eek:
[/QUOTE]
It is and it isn’t. MSmith537 or M. Smith isn’t my real name. It’s just some generic sounding login I used for my trial period and just never got around to thinking of a better one. I’m a real person, but my interactions here have little to no effect on my real life. On the other hand, when you post actual stuff about you on your MySpace account, it can follow you back to the real world.
As others have pointed out, until you meet someone in real life, you haven’t met them. You have only seen how they choose to market themselves.
Back to the OP. Why can’t she be both? A lot of guys think that any time a woman shows any attention to them, it must mean she wants to sleep with him. And if it turns out that she doesn’t, they get all pissed off because she led him on. AND if she doesn’t give him the time of day because she doesn’t want guys to think she’s into them, then they think she’s a stuck up snob.
The answer is that you get to know her. Casually ask her out on a date or something. Like drinks after work or something non-threatening like that.
[QUOTE=ParentalAdvisory]
Online dating is the real world. I’m always confused when people assert that if you can accomplish something online, that you’re not in the real world. When people resort to computing to communicate, it is still the real world. Because as you guessed it, it involves real people. :eek:
[/QUOTE]
Then why aren’t you using your real name? when you meet someone in a social setting, do you introduce yourself as “I’m Dirk Phoenix, from Madagascar.”?
[QUOTE=msmith537]
Back to the OP. Why can’t she be both? A lot of guys think that any time a woman shows any attention to them, it must mean she wants to sleep with him. And if it turns out that she doesn’t, they get all pissed off because she led him on. AND if she doesn’t give him the time of day because she doesn’t want guys to think she’s into them, then they think she’s a stuck up snob.
The answer is that you get to know her. Casually ask her out on a date or something. Like drinks after work or something non-threatening like that.
[/QUOTE]
And msmith - who in the past has chosen to market himself as rather sour on the whole “women” thing - hits the nail on the head.
I do suspect that there is some truth to the whole “guys are wired that if they are showing interest in you there is an undercurrent of sexuality to it” - if only because so many guys can’t seem to get that the reverse is not true - if a woman shows interest in you, it does not necessarily have any undercurrent of sexuality - many women simply collect friends regardless of gender and without a component of sexual attraction.
[QUOTE=Soapbox Monkey]
the simple fact of the matter is, until you meet someone in the flesh, you can’t trust them
[/QUOTE]
And not even then, either.
Unless you meant to say “you can’t begin to discover whether or not to trust them.”
Wow. I thought I met crazy people, but JoeSki has me beat.
[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
In my experience (speaking as a woman), all you’ve tested is that I like you as a person to want to get to know you better.
[/QUOTE]
Which is precisely what I’m testing. Everything after that, as you said, depends on clear communication.
[QUOTE=Rigamarole]
…dug wang…
[/QUOTE]
Damn, too bad I already have a cool username.
[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
And msmith - who in the past has chosen to market himself as rather sour on the whole “women” thing - hits the nail on the head.
[/QUOTE]
He’s had his bitter moments, but overall I’d say msmith537 has consistently offered some of the most accurate, pragmatic advice on meeting and dating women of anyone on the board. Particularly when it comes to snapping nervous young guys out of their tendency to think too much and act too little – if this is you, listen to msmith.
Now I’m thinking of changing my user name to Attention Whore.
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim]
Now I’m thinking of changing my user name to Attention Whore.
[/QUOTE]
We’d still all ignore you.
[QUOTE=Soapbox Monkey]
But I assume that this is nothing different for her because she seems to act this way with all of the other guys. … The real issue is she just broke up with her boyfriend, which I guess you might think is a good thing. Problem is she’s already hooked up with another guy in the group on at least one occasion, and likes him still, so she’s either already hooking up with him again, or will be in the near future.
[/QUOTE]
Okay, this makes it a lot more clear to me.
Stay away.
Not because she’s an attention whore, but because she’s a potential attention whore who is already incesting it up with your group of friends. THAT’s the trouble. The jury is out on identifying attention whores, but potential attention whores whose alternative partners are so close to you are ALWAYS a bad idea to get involved with. Always.
If she really likes you, it will still be clear when she recovers from her breakup and resolves her feelings for the other guy in the group.
And if she doesn’t really like you, your situation with the rest of your mutual friends will become much more dramatic.
[QUOTE=JoeSki]
…There’s a lot of “SuicideGirls” types there, which I’m very much attracted to even though I’m starting to find that a lot of these self acclaimed rebels to be frauds. A lot of them are just as prissy, petty, and manipulative as those they claim to hate.
[/QUOTE]
I’m a bit surprised at your surprise. I’d say the risk of finding a attentionwhorish flake among the type of girl who self-indentifies as a suicide girl is much higher then, say, among girls in a nature studygroup. Of course there are many, many exceptions, but…these girls typically dress in a way that provokes attention, right? Now stop and think, why would they do that? Surely not because they *don’t * they like, want or need attention, right?
And obviously the normal amount of attention they got, before the dyed hair and the piercings and the black clothing, wasn’t enough, so it such a crazy idea that they might, just might want more attention then they get if they behave normally?
These girls also get the attention with their looks, instead of with their accomplishments or their thougths. So, it isn’t very hard to predict they will value the “right” looks of a guy more then his nice personality, right?
Disclaimer: I know that there are many, many girls and women on SDMB who look, of have looked like a suicide girl, and who are anything but (or much more then 
) superficial attentionwhores. I used to be one of them. But I have realized that not only is it possible to be a rebel and wear nice office clothes, it is also far more likely to reach your real rebel goals wearing nice office clothes.
[QUOTE=Maastricht]
I’m a bit surprised at your surprise. I’d say the risk of finding a attentionwhorish flake among the type of girl who self-indentifies as a suicide girl is much higher then, say, among girls in a nature studygroup.
[/QUOTE]
Wow, some of those chicks are extremely hot.
That is all.
[QUOTE=RandMcnally]
Wow, some of those chicks are extremely hot.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, but would you really want to go out with a chick who called herself Aenygma? It sounds like some kind of nasty fungal infection.
[QUOTE=Maastricht]
I’m a bit surprised at your surprise. I’d say the risk of finding a attentionwhorish flake among the type of girl who self-indentifies as a suicide girl is much higher then, say, among girls in a nature studygroup. Of course there are many, many exceptions, but…these girls typically dress in a way that provokes attention, right? Now stop and think, why would they do that? Surely not because they *don’t * they like, want or need attention, right?
[/QUOTE]
Ehhh, to an extent. I mean, five years ago a girl wearing black clothing or dressing like a punk rock star while wearing multiple earrings and bearing a few tattoos would turn a few heads anyplace she went. Now, I don’t imagine very many people would pay much thought to this manner of dressing/styling. The way I see it, it’s just another style, no different than surfer girls, hippies, preppies, or anything else. Likewise, any of those styles can also be exaggerated to head turning extremes with enough effort. Just as I’m not impressed by a perfectly manicured woman with a $200 purse, there are going to be plenty of men out there that aren’t interested in a woman with her hair dyed bright red, a Flogging Molly T-shirt, ripped jeans, and multiple piercings along her ear.
Maybe where you live is different and the look isn’t so widespread. Here in Orlando, I see it pretty much everyday.
[QUOTE=Scissorjack]
Yeah, but would you really want to go out with a chick who called herself Aenygma?
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, good point. The stupidity would cause my head to explode.
[QUOTE=anamnesis]
Basically: if you think you’ve got an attention whore on your hands, if she gives off even one sign of having some kind of hyperactivity and/or attention deficit disorder, if you have even the slightest hunch that you can’t trust her, then chances are you’re probably right. Save your time, money, and energy. There are indeed more fish in the sea than you could ever hope to catch, so why waste your time on the stupid ones? Do what your gut tells you
[/QUOTE]
Where were you about 6 months ago when i needed you, eh?! :mad:
Great advice! I wrote off my instincts as paranoia. Trainwreck.
oh well. lesson mostly learned now, hopefully…