Look yourself in the mirror and say “if I do this tomorrow afternoon, by tomorrow evening I’ll be happy again. My old self again.”
If she asks if it’s another woman, say no. Do not go there. Stick to whatever reasons you give. Do not get in to a protracted conversation. Tell her that you can talk in a few days, if need be. If you agree to that, follow up.
And yeah, cheating isn’t cool. You should have broken if off before you started and you know it. So just get it over with.
FFS man what is the matter with you?
Just dump her, tell her plainly and simply that it isn’t working, you’re not a happy bunny…then hop off to pastures new
She sounds like she has some serious issues.
The relationship is going nowhere and has to end. The sooner, the better.
You don’t mention if you live together. If you do, get a new place and then be prepared to move immediately. I mean having everything packed and in the trunk of your car when you have your discussion - or better yet, already gone from the house/apartment into the new place.
You could try to spare her feelings and simply tell her you are not ready to be in any relationship at this time and need to be alone. That way, she can throw the blame on you, which is probably better for her to work through her pain. No need to get into specifics. Just stick to your guns and say, “I am not ready to commit to anyone at this time.” After all, that is true - you don’t have to say it is specific to her.
If possible, do not give her your new address, nor phone number (change your phone number if possible - even your cell) and do not contact her after you leave. Time really does cure most wounds, and if she is not able to call or contact you, at some point she might be able to move onto the next guy/relationship.
Good luck, but please - do this quickly and get it over with. Dragging it out does neither of you any good.
This doesn’t sound like a good idea to me, and is an unnecessary measure, IMO, not to mention a sure way to deny her closure. She may need a follow-up phone call or too just to wrap things up (stuff exchange, etc.). Don’t just drop off the face of the earth – that’s usually being an asshole. You said she’s not a nutjob so it’s not like you have to fear violence. But yeah, do it, firmly but gently, and soon. (Like today.) Also, she’s NOT totally happy and in love – she’s totally happy and in love with a fantasy, with something that doesn’t exist, with deceit – I’m sure she doesn’t know you’re cheating, from your description. Therefore, her happiness is based on a lie. That you are telling. You know that is not right. Do the right thing and break up with her. The sooner you do it, the sooner she can start getting over you. Don’t prolong it.
That is why god created email addresses. Let her write her feelings - a better habit to get into, and will express her feelings better and he can look at them when he wants.
Far better than crying jags calls at 3:00 AM, if Hillary is not answering the phone.
On the other hand, some women do become stalkers.
“I’m not going to be ignored, Dan!”
Or you could always dig up proof that she’s cheating on you, fake it until the weekend, then leave her a note to find in your apartment when she gets off of work, then turn off your cell phone and live in your car for two months while avoiding old routines and getting caught.
Why are you all looking at me like that?
Get some backbone and dump her. Maybe then you’ll both grow up.
Uh, what? Did you really just give this advice? "Take her out for a great time. Make her feel really special. Buy her gifts. Then, when she’s feeling 100% adored and not expecting it, surprise her by dumping her sorry ass."
Because I’m sorry, but that’s what I’m reading.
**Don’t ** try to ‘soften her up’ with gifts or a dinner to make her feel special; that’s borderline cruelty in an attempt to be kind.
**Don’t **take her out somewhere (special or otherwise) and then break it to her - she’ll have to drive home in a devastated frame of mind.
**Don’t **give her flowers to remind her of you every day until they die.
**Don’t ** take her out to dinner and then give her news that’ll turn her stomach over.
Just break it off cleanly.
Go to her and say your breaking up. Don’t do anything with her just prior to breaking up. Don’t go out with her in the future, for a birthday or any other reason. Don’t be a dick and do it in hearing of other people like the middle of a mall.
Oh good lord.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not happy, and I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
Aaaaaaaaaaaand, scene.
She’s not the one making this a huge drama. YOU are. Now pull on your big boy pants and get out of there.
Put on your Big Boy Pants, end it in a public place ( with a prearraged meeting with other friends afterwards so you have an out and an excuse .) and do it with dignity.
Jesus Christ. I think I know you. Seriously. Grow some balls and just break up with her. I agree with Bites When Provoked on the “how” part, but the important thing is you need to do it already. You’re not doing her any favors by keeping her in the dark about the fact you’re no longer into your relationship.
Well, if he waits long enough, she’ll find out he’s been cheating.
ETA: Where do you go to school, Intel?
Yep. Be kind, be brief, but save yourself!
This is, by far, the worst advice I’ve seen on the Dope. Do not confuse her by apparently increasing the wooing factor - mentioning marriage and children, even. Do not commit yourself to an evening together when you need about forty-five seconds to express the new State of the Non-Union. Say it’s over. Say bye. Depart.
Did you ever see the movie Old Yeller?
This relationship must be put down, with solem dignity.
It’s a given that this relationship is going to end. And considering her mentality it will be your fault, no matter who actually says goodbye.
The longer you wait the uglier it will be. Drag it out long enough and it will be an ugly divorce.
I’ll come down on the side of doing it non-publicly, but man up and do it soon.
Yes, and posted about on the message board afterwards!
Oh for the love of Pete. You’re being an immature, passive-aggressive dick. Stop.
Just meet her - in person - and tell her that you’re not happy and that while she’s a great girl and a good girlfriend she’s just not the one for you. Do not go into specifics. Do not go back on your determination to break up.
Man up and do the right thing - as opposed to the wrong thing, which is what you’re currently doing. You know it’s over and you’re miserable, but rather than manning up and just telling the girl, you’re cheating on her left and right and hoping she’ll find out and dump you for it. I mean, really. That’s just WTF dirty. I’m sort of willing to believe you’re breaking up with her as much for her as for you - because nobody needs that variety of shit, Slappy.