“poetwarlord” is certainly a poor choice of user name for someone who disparages casual sex. I sugguest a a new name – “uptightschoolmarm”.
Well, again, there’s a big vocabulary problem with ‘casual sex’. That’s like saying she doesn’t want to date ‘ugly people’. That’s a pretty vague description that can vary from person to person. I don’t think she wants help, rather validation. And this is the wrong site for that.
I had pretty high interest in my husband’s sexual history before we got married. I wanted to know that
a.) he had plenty of serious practice,
b.) he wouldn’t feel like he was missing anything if he made an eventual commitment to me of the more monogamous sort,
c.) we had compatible kinks, and
d.) he was going to be enthusiatic about attending tohis husbandly duties in the long run.
All of this required a good deal of hands-on research during our courting period, since he was looking for the same in a long-term mate. The continuing sexual health of our relationship required it.
And in answer to the OP, I’m not sure, but definitely not in the theatre or at a Renaissance Faire.
Look in a graveyard. 
wow. all she did was ask how to find the kind of guy she was looking for, and instead she gets ridicule. She did not ask anyone’s opinion on the merits or drawbacks of her choice. She simply asked how to find that kind of guy.
But hey, its a new world now. That kind of guy no longer exists, right? Lets just all go have a big orgy. rolls eyes
Did you read all of her posts?
I like this summary, and it sums up what I went through on my side of the equation. I wasn’t mature about sex for quite a while, and it wasn’t until I had that, that I was really ready to settle down.
Now I know and appreciate what I have in my wife. We have shared values. Some people are comfortable in open relationships, but that’s not for us. We are both enthusiastic about our marital relationship, and tremendously enjoy that aspect.
As one of friends and I talk about, we’ve been around the block and adding one more number isn’t going to mean anything. The pain it would cause far out weighs any possible gain, and the guilt, even if I never caught would ensure that it wouldn’t be fun. Not to say that people who are in open relationships are wrong. If that works for them, all the more power to 'em.
While this may seem perfectly normal, my friends are blown away since I used to be quite a player and people assumed that I would never settle down. I did, though and tremendously enjoy it and have no regrets at all.
As I said earlier, I know men and women who were sexually active and then found someone they loved and never looked back. I also know people who weren’t into casual sex but then cheated on their spouse. I don’t think there necessarily is a strict correlation either way.
Some people may be born wise, but most of us need to learn wisdom. I did not develop my concept of what I wanted until I had more experience. I was into casual sex for a while, and then I found I wanted more. Maybe there are people who know this beforehand, but there’s many more who have to have some experience to find out what they want.
My best friend from high school is a really Mormon, but unusually open minded. His first kiss was with is his wife, who converted into the church about the time they started going out. She was from New Jersey, and I’d bet that he wasn’t the first person she had sex with, but he didn’t care. He’s got his own personal standards and never feels sorry for those of us with different ones. I wish more people were like him.
When she asked for advice, yo got it. It was only when she started talking about the “high standards” that she has, and comparing women who had casual sex to prostitutes, that she got a hard time from anyone. If you make a statement like that in a forum called, “In My Humble Opinion,” you will get these sorts of responses.
This post is way off topic. Please ignore.
This statement has been lurking at the back of my mind for the last couple of days like an unpleasant aftertaste that just won’t go away, and since this thread is still alive, I’m going to take this opportunity to retract it, or at least try. I was being snide, I wasn’t in a particularly good mood that day, and I didn’t think through my post before I hit the submit button.
What I should’ve said is that people with emotional problems don’t often change if the impetus does not originate from within. You cannot force your partner to change his personality, but that doesn’t mean he can’t change if he wants it badly enough. Changing a major personality trait like shyness takes a long time, and it requires some effort, but it’s not impossible. It just can’t be done for someone else, is all.
I suppose the distinction seems small, but it’s the difference between condemning a lot of people to emotional hell the rest of their lives and believing in the possibility that some problems can be fixed, with patience.
- PD (who’s been reading a lot of self-help lately)