It’s easy to confuse drama with love. Drama is not love. When the drama is combined with chemistry, it’s easy to confuse it with true love. It’s not.
Never settle in for the long haul in a drama-filled relationship.
Well, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that it worked.
If movies have taught me anything, it’s that you have to make some grand gesture of love, possibly humiliate yourself in front of her friends, cause a cake to topple over on the local magistrate, and interrupt either a wedding, funeral, or execution, before she will finally recognize your clumsy attempt at love being genuine and realize you were her soulmate all along.
But only if you are Hugh Grant or Richard Gere or she is Julia Roberts.
Kidnapping her and holding her as a hostage works too, but I don’t think it works so well in real life.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
What’s funny is the episode were Wendy dumps Stan was on in my area last night.
I’ll highly second this.
I thought I had my forever girl when I was seventeen in high school and then she went across the country for college. Broke my heart. Then a year later in colllege I thought I had my forever girl and we got married for almost a whole year and then got divorced. It didn’t break my heart because we didn’t like each other anymore and I was happy to get out of there.
Since then I’ve had a couple of girlfriends but now I am single and loving it.
Well, I followed you guys advice and I let her go. I didn’t want to and still don’t, but I feel it is the best thing to do and it has only been 3 days and i’m still kinda down, but there is a new girl that I met and she saw how down I was and now we are friends as of today. She makes me happy, but i’m not trying to get into a relationship right now I hope that she isn’t either.
Ah, the resilience of youth.
Hang on to that, kid; like your knees, you’ll miss it when it’s gone.
For what it’s worth, your ex-girlfriend is displaying some seriously batshit, out-of-cline, controlling behavior that, in an adult relationship, would be considered abusive. I know you’re both really young and so that gives you both a lot of leeway to learn how not to be assholes in a relationship, but it sounds like she has a lot more to learn than you do.
Check out Meggroll’s thread about her lousy birthday. In it, she describes how her boyfriend flipped out because a male coworker friended her on Facebook. Look at the responses she got from other people. There are LOTS of people who point out how controlling and potentially flat-out abusive her boyfriend is. They’re probably taking her more seriously because a) she’s an adult and b) she’s a girl, but the same shit goes for you. Don’t agree to be controlled like that. With people like that, you can never do enough.
And remember that being attracted to other girls while you’re in a relationship is NORMAL and HEALTHY, especially at 16. If any girl expects otherwise, she’s delusional. I’m a married woman, and I expect and accept that my husband is attracted to women other than me. It’s cool. I’m attracted to other men. As long as neither of us acts on that attraction inappropriately, all is well.
She sounds like too much work to be worth the effort right now. Everything was all about how you don’t make her happy. What about you? Did she ever really care if you were happy ?
When you meet a girl worth spending time with she will think of people other than herself and she’ll be reasonable about things like not telling her your friends were talking about the neighbor girl.
See how crazy that sounds? “My girlfriend is mad at me because my friends were talking about the neighbor girl and I didn’t tell her”.
It’s not your fault. She’s immature and may or may not grow out of it. It’s not your job to make another person happy, you can’t. You need to be happy and find another happy person who likes to spend time with you so you can be happy together.
Yeah, your not the only one to say this. It’s another reason why I am letting her go because I started realizing her behavior with situations like these, but hey I like the way you think.
One thing that bothers me a little about the OP is the whole “how can I get her to change her mind” schtick. I understand that you’re relatively new at the whole dating thing, but this is actually pretty damn disrespectful. What you’re saying is that she doesn’t know what she wants, and you know better. (I’m sure it’s not deliberate, but it’s really what it boils down to.)
My recommendation for the future, is to take girls/women at face value. Kinda like the old saw, “When someone tells you who they are, it’s your job to listen”. If she says she doesn’t want to be with you, walk away and find someone who actually says she likes you.
Will you run into some flaky chicks who say one thing and mean another? Hell yeah! And you’ll get more of them when you’re younger. But do you really want to be with someone like that anyway?
Besides, really taking people at face value can be fun. I’ve thrown a number of friends for a loop doing that, and not playing their drama-games. It forces a little maturity into the relationship.
It’s also the way that 90% of people who get dumped think. So while you are logically correct, you’re also calling those 90% of people disrespectful too.
Again, and without malice, I find myself disagreeing with you. I believe that the actual adage is “When someone shows who they are…” not “tells”. I’m 43 and have been back in the dating pool for a couple of years, and have found that almost nobody in a romantic situation, whatever age, says what they are actually thinking and feeling, all the time. But their actions usually spell it out, if you look carefully enough.
It doesn’t mean they’re flaky: occasionally it is manipulative; more often it’s because they’re trying not to hurt their partner/former partner; most of the time it’s because they don’t even know what the hell they are thinking or feeling themselves.
So my advice is 180° different: watch what people do; don’t take what they say at face value.