A woman I used to work with wants to fix me up. When she asked I was a little distracted and said that I would go out on a casual night with everyone for beers, but no blind dates.
Since then I realized who she is trying to hook me up with. She is a nice woman but I am not attracted to her at all. I don’t mind going out for beers with the group, but I don’t want to get into a situation where I hurt this woman’s feelings needlessly. I think it would be better to not do the beers thing.
But I am open to advise. Is it easier to not go and then decide I’m not interested, or is it easier to bow out now?
Go. Give it a chance. This is a situation where you can probably bow out of future dates without too much awkwardness if you decide you really aren’t interested.
He already knows he’s not interested. The woman is pulling the ol’ backdoor sneak. It can only end badly. I’d just say something came up and maybe some other time (not). Or you can mention that you’re bringing a date or a friend, just to let her know that you are not interested in the fix up. You really don’t owe her any more explanation than that, seeing as it’s just beers at a public place and not a more formal thing.
My best friend (She’s of the female persuasion, I’m a guy) is a very straightforward person. She walked up to me the other day, and started a conversation that went as follows:
HER: Want a girlfriend?
ME: You trying to fix me up with someone?
HER: Um… yeah. She’s really nice.
ME: Aside from the fact that I’m still enjoying being single, the answer is NOT ON YOUR LIFE. If it doesn’t work out, then not only will that lady and I both feel bad, but YOU will feel bad, and I don’t want thet, because you’re my friend. Thanks for thinking of me though.
So yeah. I think honesty is the best policy in these situations. I’m kinda morally opposed to friends hooking people up, for the reason illustrated above. Also because it’s just weird. I don’t even get dating culture, let alone BLIND dating culture. Relationships should be something that evolve, IMHO. A biind date or set up? Why should I choose that person over the other three billion women on the planet, for no other reason than our plumbing is compatible? I don’t even know her.
It’s always good to widen your circle of friends if you are looking to meet someone special - so you could go for that reason, but suppose the girl in question has told her mate to try and fix you two up - then it could be awkward.
How is it sneaky? She asked if he was willing to be fixed up. He said yes under certain conditions. She met those conditions. Later he found out who the fix-up was and wasn’t interested.
I’d still go. It’s just beers with a group of friends. You’re under no obligation beyond that.
I think you misread the situation, Kalhoun. The OP only lost interest in the event when he found out who the “fix up” was. He didn’t want a one-on-one for a fix up but a group event was fine.
That’s because of the “backdoor sneak.” He knows that while he was given one impression, the backdoor fix-up action is going on with the woman. I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but the OP says he’s going for beers, then the friend tells the fix-up, “oooh, he’s gonna be there. Just show up. It will look like just a group thing but I’ll make sure you can sit next to him and you can tell him about your trip to Europe. I know he likes to travel. Then maybe you can ask him out for coffee.”
It’s beause he found out specifically who it was going to be. He agreed to the arrangement, knowing exactly what it was but not who it was. At least that’s how I read it.
You are correct, but I see how the phrasing was poor.
What I was trying to convey was: I would meet this person with a casual group. But I would *not *go on a blind date.
I now know who they are trying to fix me up with, and I know already that it isn’t going to work out. I’m just not attracted to her. If I had been paying attention that night I would have said no straight off.