I’m siding with Green Bean here. I think I am also about to provide more info than you actually asked for, but it’s because I detect that you are young, and I wish I could go back and talk to myself at your age and give myself some advice. Since I can’t, I’ll give it to you. Feel free to ignore it, of course.
IMHO: It’s too early to have a talk, and anyway, when and if you DO decide that a talk like that is necessary, I wouldn’t give him all the power to decide “where this is all going.” Why is it all up to him? What about where YOU think it is all going?
Stop and think about what you really want, not just about making sure he wants you. (It’s a weird compulsion we have, to make sure they want us, EVEN WHEN WE DON’T WANT THEM! Funny.)
I know it may be too soon to know the answer to all of these, but as soon as you have enough info, ask yourself:
- Do you like him a lot? 2) Does he treat you nicely and respectfully? 3) Does he ask you about yourself/listen to what you think about things? Does he care about what you want to do, sexually and otherwise? 4) Does he introduce you to his friends, etc.? I don’t know if you go on “dates” – when I was in my late teens and early twenties, we didn’t “date” – we just hung out – but do you hang out with other people and in public places?
If the answers to any of these are no, then you probably don’t (or probably shouldn’t) really want to be with him, so don’t worry about what he wants, and don’t waste time on him. You will get the kind of behavior or treatment from a guy that you accept. If you don’t accept bad or disrespectful treatment (you run screaming when you get it, and you break it off as soon as you see signs of it) then you won’t get that kind of treatment. (<–I realize I’m hijacking and going deeper than your question here, sorry, but this is all coming in a stream of consciousness fashion, and I wish someone had said it to me 10 years ago.)
If the answers to these questions are yes, then relax and see where it goes, and I don’t think you need a talk.
I also think that it sounds way too soon to even think about losing your virginity to him. I think you should be really sure about your feelings for him, and his feelings for you, before you consider that.
Oh, yeah, one more thing: you said that it was only recently that you found guys interested in you. I had an awkward adolescence and made some major mistakes when guys finally started noticing me, partly because I didn’t realize my own value and worth. Don’t think they are doing you a favor by hanging out with you or making out with you or anything else. Maybe you’re doing them one! But seriously, it should be an equal thing. There will be many, many, more guys that will be interested in you. He is not the last by a long shot. It is FAR better to be alone for awhile while looking for a good, respectful guy than to be unhappy with a jerk. And this guy may well be a nice, good one – I don’t know. What I do know is that where there is one, there’ll be plenty others, so stand up for yourself and get the love and respect you deserve.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes!