I think that any regret you have later can’t possibly compare to how it would feel if you had them and regretted that.
There is no return counter for children.
I agree! I think there are way too many people who didn’t put enough thought into having children.
I felt like that a bit - I was scared I wouldn’t “bond” or I would want to run out on my kids screaming off into the night.
I didn’t count on loving my son - that was the part I wasn’t seeing - you’d die for your kids once you know them-- not some imaginary Cartman-Gingerkid-DennistheMennis you conjure theoretically in your mind now - but a real life baby you will hold in your arms- who in a year or two will say cute stuff, think of you as Superman/Batman all rolled into one, and that love & bond grows stronger as they become less cute but more “people” -I have found. They love you & you love them so much so that when the times come that you want to run out on them screaming out into the night (and it still might) It will be very fleeting, brief and you would never do it IRL.
Very simply, it means living your life with love.
Well, I agree with a lot that’s been said above, and I’m not going to write a novel or anything about it. But, being married and having children is the most fun I’ve ever had. Yeah, it’s a lot of work and sometimes I want to scream, but I couldn’t live without these people who are infinitely precious to me, almost endlessly interesting, and so much fun. My husband can crack me up like no one else–and he can tell when I’m at the end of my rope and he always rescues me. I can just watch my 3-yo and the curve of her cheek and the way she runs for hours. Doing stuff with my 6-yo and seeing how she thinks is just so much fun. Once your kid is born, you discover that you can’t live without her, and that’s that.
I liked being single and all, and I had fun, but I really have to say that my life is better now, and has improved almost every year for the most part. I have more to live for, or something.
For the being married part - isn’t marrying, with the possibiltity of becoming unmarried, better than never marrying, which makes it a certainty? I happen to think a team of two is stronger than one.
As for kids - I wonder if the divorce rate for people with kids is higher or lower than that for those without. Yeah, there are things to put up with, but that’s living. You have to put up with crap at work, but you still get a job. You put up with crap in college, but you still go. Life is all about putting up with stuff.
But the rewards are fantastic. There is nothing like holding your baby for the first time. That’s a love deeper than any other - genetically programmed into us, of course, but still there. I’m really glad I experienced it. Then there are all the times your kids do something wonderful and unexpected - even better when you see some of yourself in them. I could give you lots of examples, but I’d be bragging about my kids. 
I certainly respect the decision to not have kids, but I can still feel a bit sorry for people who haven’t had the experience, for the good far outweighs the bad.
As for floating down the Ganges, my daughter spent five months helping take care of my father-in-law after my mother-in-law died, when my wife was unable to fly. She and her boyfriend gave him comfort, helped him clean out the house, and helped him move. Maybe you could pay people to do all that, but it’s not the same.
Just a little bit about the “hard work” aspect; as we all know, very little worthwhile is easy. When you coast through life without responsibility or work, you don’t generally get much to show for it. And when you work hard at something difficult, the rewards are often great. That’s how life goes, and that’s how marriage and parenthood generally go–same as everything else.
Of course, you can work terrifically hard and have it all blow up in your face, too.
I look at it as a trade rather than a sacrifice. If I didn’t have kids I’d be busy this weekend but I’d be doing different things. I genuinely enjoy the kid stuff. Lots of it.
Hm, I’m posting too much. But I forgot to say what my husband wanted me to quote him on: “Coming home to a family that loves you is the greatest feeling around.” This is from a man who just spent 3 days on his own while we went on a trip–he doesn’t much like coming home to an empty house.
We went down to visit my college roommate for a few days; she has 3 boys and I have 2 girls, and they love each other. One thing we did was attend their town’s Christmas parade, which 2 of the boys were in. I like parades well enough–I like marching bands and vintage cars and goofy floats, but I enjoyed it about 10 times more because I could watch my kids, who had never been to a parade and were utterly thrilled. They now think that life in the South Bay is absolute paradise, since they went to the beach, played on the world’s greatest playground (I’ve never seen anything like it, it was amazing), and saw a parade.
That is so beautifully put, and so true.
I think that the reason why having kids ruins some marriages is because the people had kids because you’re “supposed to” rather than because they actually wanted children. They liked the idea of having children, but didn’t really stop to consider all of the effort that you have to put into raising them.
Are there really a lot of marriages ruined BY having children, or d’ya think maybe the marriage was on the road to ruin anyway?
IANASociologist, but I imagine that children have a way of bringing out latent problems in the marriage – different approaches to finance or life goals – in a particularly intense way. Without the added stress of being completely responsible for a small human being, the marriage might have kept on keepin’ on, even if maybe it wasn’t the greatest.
Just an observation based on people I’ve observed in my life.
I don’t know if kids ruin marriages, but I think you’re right about people having kids because they think they’re supposed to. Most people do things because that’s what they’re supposed to do - go to college, graduate and find a job, settle down and get married in a few years, have kids a few years after that.
I think that’s fine, except if they aren’t really ready or can’t dedicate themselves to the responsibility that’s where they encounter problems. Like one partner gets pissed off because the other goes out partying at night, or they feel resentment because they have to give up things like career or social life. Or even worse, I know guys who got married and had kids simply to stroke their ego. They had no intention of taking part in raising the kids or even being faithful to their wife.
I think the people best in a position to get married and raise a family are 1) people who have gotten all the self-indulgent partying/substance abuse/womanizing stuff out of the way, are settled into their carer and are ready to settle down and 2) naturally mature and responsible people who never had any interest in that kind of stuff anyway. And in either case, it has to be with the right person. It’s the people in the middle who “worried that they settled” or “are with the wrong person” or feel they made sacrifices instead of choices who IMHO will run into problems. They will feel the tension of second-guessed decisions and competing desires and incentives until something snaps (ie they have an affair or go out for a pack of smokes and never come back).
I think you get some hormonal thing that makes you think it’s all great. Because intellectually I look at my life and think I, being extremely selfish and territorial and needing my own space and lots of solititude, should have stayed single. But there is no other way my kids could have come to be who they are and it’s impossible to imagine a world without them so there is a sense of inevitability about it all.
There seems to be a lot of “wine and roses” about parenting in this thread. It may be my particular bias, but I see a lot of harried mothers out with their 3.2 children who are, if not literally screaming at their kids, they are using various tones of hushed anger all. the. time! Where does all this parental anger and frustration come from if this is such a fullfilling job?
On the other hand, I have one friend who is a stay-at-home mom and home schools her 12, 8, and 6 year olds. She is an amazing woman who truly does enjoy the company of her children most of the time. In my experience, she’s the rare exception and not the rule.
**How do people put up with being married w children? **
As in anything you get into in life, the plusses outweigh the minuses. Sure, there are times when you are pissed off at each other and the kids drive you crazy. But, man, all that becomes inconsequential when you find a companion and lover for life with whom you can share the everyday ups and downs of our short mortal existence. The children have brought much more joy than I could have imagined. I cannot even recall the details of the tough times anymore, such as getting through illnesses and other temporary setbacks. Having said all this, I do recommend living in a big house where everyone can have their own space. That really helps!
I have to agree with you. Sure they’re cute when they’re small, but like all creatures, they get bigger and want to do their own thing. The idea of getting into shouting matches and power struggles with a 4-18 year old does not seem particularly fullfilling to me.
Look at how he framed the question - the gist of the answers isn’t “It’s a wonderfully fulfilling job with no downside.” We’re just saying the good outweighs the bad. Technically that only means 4 good days out of 7. 
Ask me how crappy it CAN be, and you’ll get an entirely different answer.
Also, when you see kids out in public you’re not necessarily getting an accurate picture of their behavior at home, or overall.
The number one factor is tired/hungry children. Did Mom have to drag them out, despite the fact that it’s naptime/they haven’t eaten a decent lunch/she has a headache, because she’s completely out of milk & bread? Kids are not like adults - when they’re tired or hungry, they can turn into little monsters and there’s no talking them out of it.
When I’m out with my kids, we usually get a lot of friendly smiles, particularly from older ladies who’re no doubt thinking of their own adored grandchildren. But there have definitely been times when I’ve been that mother who’s had it up to ^ and is fighting the urge to go postal. Definitely.
I’d also point out 1 screaming Mom outweighs in your mind the 3-4 unremarkable ones you passed earlier