I don’t buy this. Such women probably encounter **hundreds **of such men (“very basic social skills and a willingness to pay some of their bills”) every year in the course of their occupation (clerks, waitresses etc. always encounter many people day in and day out.) Are we supposed to believe that such women would “make the first move” on **hundreds **of such men per year?
As a shy person myself, I didn’t have much luck until I did two things. The first was not to force any expectations on anyone and relax, the second was to participate in social activities. Engage in casual conversation without hitting on anyone. If you have interesting and/or funny things to talk about you will generate interest. Then just take it from there.
I’ve kind of wondered how much of this phenomenon is an unintended consequence of the liberation of women.
I mean, if you went back to say… 1920, I’m not sure the societal expectation for young men was quite the same with respect to getting laid. Things like early marriage and/or prostitution was much more common than today. Certainly visiting a bordello wasn’t seen as the desperate act of a loser, or something weirdos do like it is today.
Nowadays, there’s a lot of pressure to have skill at this sort of thing, and the measuring stick seems to be the notches on your bedpost.
So you get these guys who keep hearing about how to be a “real man”, they need to get laid early and often, and they get hung up on the sex aspect, when in reality, they need to concentrate on the other aspects, and the sex will take care of itself.
Entire societies, no.
There are small pockets of people of each sex who are exceptions to the rule in such a way that the prescribed /expected behavior (and associated personality traits etc etc etc are a poor fit.
That should not surprise you or anyone else: for any generalization, there will be exceptions to the rule.
As of the moment there are no “parts of town” where female people who are attracted to male people and whose personality etc inclines them to prefer to be the initiators would go to meet male people whose inclinations are opposite of that.
But having figured out how I was wired back in 1980, and having spent 3 decades-and-change with that awareness in my mind, I’ve been able to locate and connect.
Women do in fact initiate and hit on men quite a bit. Its just that those men need to be much further above average. That where a woman normally starts getting hit on. Look at rock stars.
Also, in a fairly relaxed environment, such as a student night out, if a man is 6’4’’, good abs, broad shoulders, good face, he will be hit on, and quite a bit. On the other hand, someone who is 5’7’’ no abs, average face may never get hit on, or very rarely. Unless he brings something else, the dropoff when you approach average is massive.
Rodgers had serious mental health issues. He was angry and bitter, withdrawn, isolated, etc. Many of his friends and acquaintances verified this fact.
I’d wager 75% of the issue of being a long term virgin is psychological. Either you are very shy, very awkward, give off lots of red flags, unrealistic standards, pursue the wrong people, etc.
The other 25% I’d guess is things people normally attribute as the causes like below average sex appeal, lack of a social network.
Men with dark triad personality traits like narcissism, psychopathy, machiavellianism are considered more (not less) desirable for one night stands.
They will “make the first move” on enough men who look like good prospects until they find one that actually is and usually stop and pursue a relationship with him. Usually they don’t have to go through hundreds to do this.
I know plenty of women in this situation and they do not meet hundreds of men on a daily basis that met the criteria of “very basic social skills and a willingness to pay some of their bills.” They meet hundreds of men looking for sex, but have little (financially) to actually offer in a relationship. My advice to nerdy men wishing to date these women (and there are plenty of them more than willing to date nerdy, white guys) is simple: a modest outlay of money, you can rent them long enough for them to discover your stellar, but less blatantly obvious qualities for being good boyfriend.
Right, I made that point. But I think there’s an important caveat: there are different kinds of sociopaths. There are the kind like Donald Trump who have charisma and social skills, and there’s the kind like Eliot Rodger who don’t. Donald Trump is very successful at life, including in the sexual arena. Eliot Rodger not so much.
Unless someone is about to leap into this thread with lots of statistics from sociological studies examining shy people, I suspect that it will be better suited to IMHO than to Great Debates.
Moving.
Sometimes things happen, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes the connection is made and the two of you
are looking back & forth between each others eyes and starting to move in… when something breaks the moment.
It happens.
Women don’t seem to like me very much.
Unless, as I said earlier, you’re one of the unlucky guys that women deliberately lie to, to avoid going out with AT ALL. They won’t even give you a chance.
Women aren’t that hard up for sex to give pussy to every neurotic, physically unattractive, socially awkward guy that walks past her doorway. If a woman is that horny, she can just go on Amazon and order a battery-powered lover.
I don’t find it hard to understand at all.
Those “unlucky” guys are usually aiming at women way, way above their league.
Religions may preach that, but do you really think it’s a significant effect, at least in the west? Always seemed to me that it’s a custom more honored in the breach than in the observance.
It kind of is the default, isn’t it? The need for companionship is pretty well established as a basic human desire. Yeah, some people are certainly happy without that sort of relationship in their life, but it’s not like the ones who do want it are making it up out of whole cloth.
False? At some point, being a virgin is definitely an outlier.
I’m no expert at this dating stuff, but it *might *have something to do with all that guano. 
Trump is much closer to narcissistic personality disorder than sociopathy.