There are people out there; my parents, my siblings, my nephew, my friends, whose opinions matter a great deal to me, and I’m willing to do, and refrain from doing a whole lot of things beyond refraining from causing them grievous bodily harm in order to make sure they have a good opinion of me. And I’m not even Korean!
You don’t seem to have any room for respect and affection in your opinion here. I respect my husband and I care for him; I take his opinions into account, and he does the same for me. I could just do as I please because my decisions don’t actually physically harm him, but I don’t. You seem to be mistaking casual acquaintances for family and loved ones.
My parents matter, but I’m working on it.
As I said above, NOBODY has ever died from disappointment or hurt feelings.
But what is the point of dealing with disappointment and hurt feelings if you can avoid it? There are lot of things that people don’t die from but that they’d rather avoid.
That sounds like a bleak way to live life - do whatever the hell you want as long as it doesn’t physically hurt anyone, and other people’s feelings be damned.
That seems kind of cold. I like having people I care about and who care about me. And because I care about them, I want them to be happy, and because they care about me, they want me to be happy too. So if I can make them happy or avoid making them unhappy, I will. I don’t think that’s a weakness. It’s a strength.
Hint: etv78 doesn’t care what you think about his attitude. 
etv78 may well be a honey badger.
Telling your parents a lie about living with your boyfriend is on par with “No, you don’t look fat.” You are protecting their feelings and your relationship. Nothing wrong with little white lies like that.
Heh. I forgot, we are but warm pails of spit.
Maggie, I have total respect for the honey badger, I have to say.
If that is the metric by which you base your decisions and your actions, you must live a lonely life.
“Well, it won’t kill him if I fuck his wife, so it must be okay.”
“It won’t kill her if I tell everyone at work about her embarassing secret.”
“When someone asks if they look okay, I always tell them how ugly and fat they are. Honesty is best, and nobody has ever died from being told how repulsive their appearance is!”
No matter how many times you say it, or how many words you capitalize, your statement is still irrelevant.
I’ll answer these 1 at a time:
- He’s SURE as heck be disappointed that he was cheated on.
- If you have secrets, keep them to yourself.
- White lies are part of being in the world (i.e. NOT being a sociopath).
I thought you said no one ever died of hurt feelings. I’m not trying to bait you, I just don’t get where you’re coming from. You said that you shouldn’t be afraid to be honest to your parents, even about something that could hurt your relationship with them. White lies serve that exact purpose - to preserve human relationships. And they’re usually about issues that are far less important. Why is it okay to lie then?
So? He didn’t die, right? Isn’t that your basis for saying someone should dissappoint her parents? Because they won’t die from it, there is nothing wrong with dissappointment or hurt feelings. Now you are being hypocritical. Which is it?
Good advice. So if someone wants to keep it a secret that she is living with her boyfriend, it is okay for her to keep that to herself? Oh wait… you said the oppossite earlier. So which is it?
Are you being hypocritical of your previous statements on purpose? Is this supposed to be irony or part of your argument or something? Or are you seriously this confused in your head?
The thing is, cultures can change. Even “ancient” cultures like Korea. But they won’t unless people decide to change them.
Now, I’m not saying that the OP should be some big social reformer - most of us aren’t cut out for that. It’s just that saying “that’s the way the culture is” is a poor excuse. Nothing is set in stone; the Korea of today is different that the Korea of the past, and the Korea of the future will be something else entirely.
To paraphrase Gandhi, sometimes you have to be the change you want in your society.
Two things:
HazelNutCoffee-White lies are social lubricant, Lying to family (to most people) is a BIG deal. And the lie your refering to regards how someone fundamentally lives their lives.
Now on to what I originally came to say: For independent adults, there’s heirarchy of whose opinions mean anything in your life, that list is in order:
1.Spouse
2.Boss
3.Children
4.Co-workers
5.Adult friends
6.Tax man
7.Spiritual Advisor
8.Siblings
9.Parents
10.Extended Family
To answer these coherently. (I got dizzy following it, I admit)
If a person has no reason to (financially) depend on family, their opinions are irrelevent! She should live her life, if her parents can’t handle, it’s their (Mom and Dad) loss. Until she can do/understand this, she’ll NEVER be a true “independent” person.
The bottom half can be rearranged as needed.
CAESAR (recovering his self-possession): Pardon him, Theodotus: he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Do you have a cite for this? Or would you be willing to admit this is your personal view and that all of it (not just the bottom half) may be rearranged based on the views of other equally independent adults?