How Does One Go About Getting A Gay?

[Cartooniverse]

@Small_Hen

Settle down, Beavis, we’re just having fun. It’s all tongue in cheeks.

–Golf clap–

[Cartooniverse]

@CrazyCatLady

We’re not allowed to have people who get made fun of as pets? But what will I do with my blond? I’ve had her 17 years and she has health problems; no way she’ll survive in the wild. Do you know of a no-kill shelter I can take her to?

Yep. Seven of them. Take your pick !

[The_Devil_s_Grandmother]

@Little_Nemo

There obviously is not a male equivalent of the gay best friend. There’s no trope for a man having a lesbian best friend who he can share his guy activities with. So that makes me wonder; is the male equivalent of a gay best friend a sister or female cousin? A woman a man can be close friends with but with whom there is no possibility of a romantic relationship.

Sometimes it’s a sister, like Ross and Monica on Friends; or it can be a childhood friend like Johnny and Penny in Dirty Dancing. However, I can’t think of enough examples to really call it trope.

[Annie-Xmas]

With apologies to Huey Lewis (and it’s amazing how little of the song had to be changed:

I want a new gay
One that won’t make me sick
One that won’ make me crash my car
Or make me feel three feet thick

I want a new gay
One that won’t cry
One that don’t cost too much
for a fabulous guy

I want a new gay
One that won’t go astray
One that won’t keep me up all night
One that won’t make me sleep all day
One that won’t make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when I’m with you
When I’m alone with you
I’m alone with you baby

[Cartooniverse]

FAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS !!!

Applause. Flowers. Candy. Angel bras. You name it, I’m throwin’ it. That was glorious !

[Small_Hen]

@Annie-Xmas

With apologies to Huey Lewis (and it’s amazing how little of the song had to be changed:

I want a new gay
One that won’t make me sick
One that won’ make me crash my car
Or make me feel three feet thick

I want a new gay
One that won’t cry
One that don’t cost too much
for a fabulous guy

I want a new gay
One that won’t go astray
One that won’t keep me up all night
One that won’t make me sleep all day
One that won’t make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when I’m with you
When I’m alone with you
I’m alone with you baby

Fabulous, girlfriend, let me tell you! fingersnaps

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Inigo_Montoya

And somewhere in my head, the answer was formed: you need Darth Gaydar.

Niiiiiice.

@Eats_Crayons

<snip>but really they need to unclench their sphincters a little<snip>

Must…resist…obvious…jokes…

[elfkin477]

@Eats_Crayons

Edit:Oh, no, no. That would be a closeted Republican. You don’t want that one.

I’m disappointed in you, Eats. It’s attitudes like this one about how they’re different that keep shelters from letting people adopted closeted republicans during the month of October due to fear that they’ll be mistreated.

[Alice_The_Goon]

@Toucanna

Rent-a-Mexican – YouTube

I thought that one was Home Depot?
Let’s see- fag hag, fruit fly, or homo honey? I’d probably go with the ol’ tried and true fag hag, I kinda like the sound of it.

[Balance]

@Full_Metal_Lotus

Section 4 - Capturing your Gay

Wait–I’m pretty sure I’ve heard people talking about catching the Gay like it’s a bad thing, and I guess I can see where it would start the relationship out on the wrong foot. Besides, if you set out a trap, you might catch a Straight by mistake, and that could be embarrassing for everyone involved.

[cards]

Reminded me of this thread…lot of GLBT folks participated in that one, great fun for all.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=133327

[Becky2844]

Do you know how many winters I’ve spent watching the Academy Awards by myself, wishing for a Gay? We’d get dressed up, wear tiaras & drink sparkling wine (even tho I prefer vodka.) Like you, I used to know a lot of gay guys. But when you get married, have kids, & start stressing over the mortgage & lunch money, their friendships tend to recede, by their choice. (Understandable.)
A gay guy taught me how to put on make-up.
Pre the disco phase, I went to gay bars because they were the only ones who played “the good music.”
As far as catching one (lol) I would say, if you work, hone in & cultivate the guy who knows more about sheets than he ought to.
If you don’t work, stay attuned to the salesmen who have “repeat customers.” There’s a reason for that.
Here’s wishing you (& me) happy hunting.

[Becky2844]

@kushiel

I would advise you participate in your local community theatre group. I mean, I joined to slave away under my friend the Props Mistress, but there was this hidden treasure trove of gays! It was like finding that amazing hole-in-the-wall decorating store! That was how I found my gay.

The American Pickers would call it a honey-hole.

[BigT]

@BigT

No it’s not. Real guys constantly look at them like pieces of meat. Sure, some straight guys don’t. but you’re much safer with a gay guy. All that fear of rape that every woman seems to have is not relevant.

And, finally, you get the thrill of having a friend of the opposite sex while still having them be your “girlfriend”, rather than someone you constantly have to translate.

And, really, with the male fascination with lesbians, we really have no room to talk.

Whoa! I left out some punctuation, and it totally changes my meaning. “Real guys” is supposed to be in quotes. In fact, looking back, I probably shouldn’t have used the term at all, and just stuck with “straight guys.”

But it is the term I actually hear used. And, unfortunately, it weakens the hell out of my point that some women feel that “gays” are not “real guys.” But I still don’t think that position is that hard to understand, even if it is distasteful.

[Quasimodem]

I think this whole thread might’ve gang aglay.

Get it??? “Gang aglay” :):)

Omigod, I laughed so hard, I think I may have spotted!!!

Q

[lshaw]

@DMark

Although the stereotype is the pudgy woman dressed in sequins and holding perhaps a fairy wand or wearing a tiara while slugging down a Miller Lite, many were drop dead gorgeous wearing designer outfits and sipping drinks that cost upwards of $10 a sip.

It’s the cool thing to have a gay bff these days. Forger Cher or Liza, all the young Hollywood It-girls have one, don’t you know?

[Cinnamon_Imp]

@Antinor01

Meh, let the ones that don’t like the thread have their bitching. I think this has been one of the funniest threads I’ve read in ages.

Though you do need to decide; are you a Fag Hag, Fruit Fly, Homo Honey (how I hate that last one). Hmm, with the Starbucks theme…Light in the Loafers Latte? nah, too long.

I always liked “Queer Dear” instead of fag hag

[Beware_of_Doug]

@Sunspace

Want to get a gay? Like languages? Then go to your local altlang club and learn Esperanto! You’ll meet plenty of gays!

For some reason, half of the Esperanto-speakers I know on this side of the pond are gay. Perhaps this is because Esperanto-speakers tend to be tolerant and worldly, and more open to minorities and those who are Different. This did, however, throw a rather large wrench into my plan to meet an Esperanto-speaking woman and start a hetero relationship…

Yeah, because straight people are such an undifferentiated mob of rednecked bigot subhumans. Are you sure you even want to be with a woman? You’ll end up living in Hetero World, which is a long plastic hallway to hell.

< /snark >

[Inigo_Montoya]

@Beware_of_Doug

Yeah, because straight people are such an undifferentiated mob of rednecked bigot subhumans. Are you sure you even want to be with a woman? You’ll end up living in Hetero World, which is a long plastic hallway to hell.

< /snark >

Mmmm…long…plastic…

Huh? What? I mean, er, pussy! And boobies.

[VunderBob]

I wanna know: just what exactly is a nosegay? A nasally fitted homosexual? One in desperate need of rhinoplasty?