I’ve had a few bj’s in my life and TRUST me when I tell you that masturbation has NOTHING to do with you being able to come from it.
My first wife could suck the chrome off a bumper. A basketball through a 50 foot garden hose. A… well you get the picture. She was very good at it. Possibly because she liked doing it. I think that’s what makes me good at it (with women, I haven’t tried men :-p )because I love to do it.
The bottom line is, most women, IMHO, aren’t very good at it and they really don’t like to do it (although they love having it done to them. sexists!). I can’t blame them, I don’t think I’d like it either. Although I can also understand why a woman would be attracted to a woman but I have no idea what attracts them to men. :-p Nevertheless, any women I’ve met that claimed to like doing it were usually pretty good at it. And the ones that swallow, well they are whole different class of women! (the class that you marry! :-p) But then again, some women actually care about pleasing their man, while others consider it a chore. I’m in the class of men that enjoys pleasing my woman (when I have one. and the way my life is going I may be stuck with Mary Palm and her 5 daughters for a long time :-p )
I agree with BullDawg: most women aren’t very good at giving head.
Outrider, I think it’s interesting that you make the assumption that because you haven’t had an orgasm during oral sex, there’s a problem with you. It’s possible that your girlfriend just isn’t experienced enough to be good at this. That’s not a shot at your lover - I wasn’t good at giving women head when I first started. Luckily, more experienced women showed me what to do.
Have you tried telling her EXACTLY what feels good and what’s just so-so?
To answer your original question, there are times when it doesn’t work for me, either. Generally it does, but sometimes I need that face to face (or face to back of head) contact.
In my experience. . .
About women not being good at this, generally.
One possible problem is that while you guys, I gather, talk about sex and study it quite a bit as far as reality, technique, etc, after the age of 12, girls really don’t know much except the basics-- they don’t talk about it as much in graphic detail and don’t check out porn as much. My concept of a bj growing up was very very vague, and the word “suck” really doesn’t communicate much. My first time I tried to do this, aparently boyfreind wasn’t quite sure what was supposed to happen either and just got frustrated and told me to suck the thing, which of course isn’t really what happens. Also, a lot of women, I suspect, aren’t good at it because they don’t want to be-- there is still a bit of a stigma attached to the act- it seems connected to prostitution in some minds. It’s just something we are supposed to acknowledge is gross-- like how many people claim to dislike fish because they think they are supposed to, it’s something you feel you are not supposed to like. Also, unless boy is reciprocating very readily and without a whimper (none of this “eww, it smells like seafood” crap, which is also untrue but assumed) I think girls can feel a power imbalance with the act (which it really can be, I think. One guy once tried to hold my head down and it really really ticked me off and I resolved to give a good sharp nip if it ever happened again). Your girlfriend is not a porn film sex slave fantasy character.
All in all, yes, most women probably aren’t very good at it, but there might be a variety of reasons for it that don’t neccessarily have much to do with sex, but more with self-image and gender politics.
I do like performing for my SO, though. Don’t be afraid to use some hand action and different angles. He can’t always finish off like this, though, so I don’t think it’s anything unusual.
There also is something really odd tasting and chemically caustic about spunk, as you know if you’ve ever gotten it into your sinuses or eye-- it ISN’T really analogus to vaginal juices, so don’t be insulted or derisive if the woman you’re with gags a tad or tries to spit or swallow fast instead of savoring your delectable love-elixer.
To MOUTHBREATHER I use this technique a lot of the time with very good results. Not to be immodest, I’ve been told I’m very good at it.
To OUTRIDER . If a person is really inexperienced it is perfectly OK to ask --can we try this?-- or how about this?-or I’ve always thought ___ would be hot. Don’t just sit there bored and thinking about what you’re not doing. And is orgasm the only goal? I believe it’s more about the journey than the destination. I don’t think size has anything to do with being able to give good head unless we are talking monsterous proportions. Are we;)
I happen to enjoy giving head so I am appropriately enthusiastic while giving. I think you should listen for the nonverbal cues to see if the receiver is being satisfied. To be honest, I usually only start really talking if my hubby need a little encouragement(OH yes Baby there)
I can climax through receiving oral sex, though not all the time. It depends on a lot of things, but most of them are within myself. If I’ve had a lot of orgasms recently, it is tougher for me to come.
Noow, when it comes to giving oral sex, I am batting 1.000 with everyone I was with.
It’s funny… If a woman went into a room and said, “I give great head,” guys in the room would probably be intrigued, and probably not be averse to seeing how accuurate she was.
If a guy says it, the women will think he’s just saying it to get into their pants.
Oh, and for the record, I did the male equivalent of a blow job - I gave a woman oral sex and then she zipped up and we didn’t do anything else, and she didn’t do anyything to me.
He brother walking in had a lot to do with it though!
Yer pal,
Satan
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I have the exact same problem described in the OP. shrug It hasn’t really bothered me… but then, we only tried once. She gave up and the next time tried to give me a handjob. She got… enthusiastic and nearly pulled the damn thing off. Now she’s afraid to touch it.
Thanks for the heads up on “don’t stop if it’s working” issue, too.
Put me into the “doesn’t get me all the way” camp. I’ve only known one woman who could get me to orgasm through oral sex and as for the rest, it’s nice and I sure as hell enjoy it, but it doesn’t finish the job. I’m going to have to go with the “most women don’t know how to give head” crowd as well through my own experience. I think that part of the reason why women don’t like doing it is because it makes them feel inadequate when it fails to work as well as they had hoped. If you’re a women and this isn’t the case for you then don’t bitch me out for it, but girlfriends that I’ve had would try it, it wouldn’t yeild spectactular results, and then they’d start in with the “I guess I’m just bad at that” stuff. Nothing like having to feel guilty for not having an orgasm to add to the mood.
I’ll have to throw my vote in for most women just not being very good at it. The only way a woman is going to get good at it is through practice, practice, practice. She has to pay attention to what works and what doesn’t.
Having said, that, I have never had a guy not come during oral sex. I’ve given head to virgins, “sluts”, heavy masturbaters, well-endowed, very well-endowed and not-so-well-endowed guys and I’ve yet to have one not orgasm. (Everyone has to have a talent, I guess )
I think all of the above posted reasons add up to the fact that women just don’t know how to give head unless they are shown and/or practice their techniques on a regular basis. Don’t be afraid to talk about what you want during sex. Don’t say, “Honey, could you stop doing that–you’re just getting on my nerves.” or “What the hell are you doing?” but give indicators. If you have to, make a game out of it. Do the “hotter”/“colder” game. Don’t be too serious about it–it’ll just stress you and her out and then you’ll get nowhere.
I’m surprised no one has mentioned this, but have you ever considered giving while receiving? I know this sounds a little crass but when my exBF had some difficulty in enjoying total satisfaction, that was the first thing he requested.
The sounds, rhythm, and tactile sensations tend to increase exponentially if you both have something to do!
Personally, I fall into the “Don’t worry about it” category. My current BF doesn’t stay in the same place long enough for me to climax but we make up for it in other ways.
Take your time. You’re young. Enjoy the moment and find other solutions around the predicament. The more relaxed you are, the more you’ll enjoy it.
Ladies, if you do not want us to change positions then SAY SO!
No, I do not mean, moan a little more, or arch your back to show me you want more. I mean, say “OH, YES! Candyman! Right there! Don’t stop! YES! YES!..” cough ermm… well, you get the idea.
When I told my SO that I had never had an orgasm from oral sex she took it as a personal challenge (God I love this woman). I still haven’t, but I’m supportive of her efforts and encourage her to try 'til she gets it right. In all other respects our sex life is incredible. I mentioned to her last night that I had been looking for asbestos sheets but hadn’t had any luck.
I don’t know if you (the OP-er) have watched many porn flicks, but if you have, you probably would have noticed that some of the women during oral sex are manually working the penis (jerking off) with one hand to assist in climax.
Don’t sweat it if you don’t climax through oral sex. A lot of men probably don’t and often the technique is used as a prelude to regular sex. A prostitute on a real life program once stated that the ‘hotter’ she could get a guy before sex, the quicker the act would be. So, if you use 5 fingered Jane frequently, cut down on the act – especially on days you think you might get lucky with your girl.
Let your GF know what you like and encourage her to do it. try new things, new techniques etc… sex should be fun. When you are putting on the pressure and worrying about what’s working, or what’s not working… then it becomes WORK, and beleive me that takes all the fun out of it!
As far as you having to give her a hand…does she mind?
I have never minded my partner helping out if that’s what he wants.
Most women just aren’t that good. I’ve had some owmen who could get me off in an instant, and others who’d suck for an hour with no orgasm. Practice makes perfect!
I always enjoy being manually manipulated by hand while in the midst of a blowjob.
When I was young, my first GF couldn’t give head to save her life. I’d chalk it up to young kids not knowing the score. Just chill, and talk to her, she’ll ge the hang of it
EvilBeth…I think I’m in love with you again, err…still. And trust me, it’s all about your mind…and stuff.
P.S.- GIrls, I DO love to return the favor as well.
)