Oh, and thanks for the thoughts and stuff. It’s a combination of things dragging on me right now: This time of year, every year is when all the buckling down and getting ready for next schol year begins, and it’s still summer, so that’s kind of a drag. But then i realize not everyone thinks of summer as “time off”, so I clam up and start working 11 hour days staring at perfect weather out the window.
I’ve also been having more of the same, recurring 'wife" issues. Granted, I’ve been far from a perfect husband. Some days I wonder why she keeps me around, then I realize it’s because I pretty much cater to her, clean the house, cook her meals, wash her dishes, plant her trees, vacuum her floors and carpets and furniture, paint the walls and generally pick up whatever slack she feels like leaving for me to do. Which is plenty. I’m borderline Type A, at the very least, I’m ADD. I cannot sit and see something that needs doing and NOT do it.
Example of a typical conflict: Her version of cleaning house involves turning on the TV, watching her taped soap opera (All My Children - she’s currently watching December, '05, I kid you not…) while pulling out cleaners, mops and cleaning DURING COMMERCIAL BREAKS. Soooo, while she’s taken 4 hours to dismantle, clean and re-assemble an 8 x 12 bathroom, i’ve dusted, vacuumed the ground floor rooms, taken the kitchen apart, cleaned the stove, microwave,counters, etc…, mowed the lawn and swept the garage. When I finish that and ask if she wants to take a ride with me, she’s tired. And takes a nap. BUT, she’s very proud of the fact that she got into another month on her soap. 
We have completely different energy levels. I just can’t bring myself to nap when I’ve only rolled out of bed 3 hours ago.
She’s 44, and for years, I and her doctor, who’s also my doctor have been telling her to get more active, for her own good. She’s constantly catching whatever cold is nearby, knows she needs to take iron pills but doesn’t, has back problems directly related to the fact that she has NO strength in her core. What’s she do? Nuttin’. Lately she’s started walking a route that takes her on a 2.7 mile route through our subdivision and the one next to us. She does that a few times a week. We’ll see what happens when winter comes, none of the exercise things she’s ever done have lasted. We used to hang clothes on the treadmill. :eek:
And, I’m diabetic, but it’s nothing for her to make a cake, soaked in rum, pineapple and coconut and stand there in front of 10 of our friends and hound me to have a piece. Shouldn’t SHE be the one person that would at least know not to try and force me to eat that crap?
These are little things, and I know some of you are saying “that’s it?”, but I’m talking small examples of a bigger problem. These are things we used to fight over. BIG fights. We’ve been the counseling route, now instead of fighting, I just swallow whatever I’m feeling when I get frustrated about this stuff and walk away.
She asks if I’m mad, do I want to talk, but no I don’t. I can’t have the talk with her anymore without it disintegrating into The Fight. And I don’t have the energy to fight, nothing comes of it and I don’t sleep.
So, I sit and get frustrated with myself. I love her, god knows we’ve been through a lot, pretty successfully too, but sometimes (I HATE this part) I wonder if things have just run their course and if we’re just too different than we were to keep going. The Kid’s grown, I could afford to stay in the house, while she could finally have the condo downtown she’s CONSTANTLY telling people she wants, and we’d both be less stressed.
Then, something good happens, or we have a couple good weeks and I forget all this. But not for long, because it always comes back.
There. That’s my rant. Now I gotta get to work. STOOOOPID FOIA’s, why do the teamsters care about a 2 year old bus bid?
I like him. I cannot wait to hear all about that conversation.
